Meeting part 2

[Littleboylost]

I guess the easiest way to describe it is this, I no longer have feelings of guilt nor do I have feelings of the need to swoop in and save him.
Once I truly accepted that he is a grown man making his own choices, good or bad and that he's living life on his terms, was I able to really let go.
It's in the acceptance. Please note, accepting that he's going to live his life in his own way does not mean that I like it. I still hate that he makes poor choices and is homeless (other than being in jail for now) but I had to accept it to let it go. I'm not getting any younger and I have allowed my son to dominate years of my life with his chaos, no more. I deserve to live my life and be happy, we all deserve that.
Detaching with love is just that, we let go of them but we still love them and loving them does not equate to rescuing them.

You are so where I wan to be!

 

[Tanya M]

You are so where I wan to be!

You will get there!
I was once so completely lost in the FOG I didn't think I would ever be happy. I remember thinking "I can't wait till he's 18, then I won't have to deal with him anymore" Ya, that didn't work out so well. I kept allowing myself to be sucked into his vortex of chaos and trouble.
I truly believe that had I found this site years ago I would have detached sooner than I did. For so many years I just felt alone, I had no idea just how many other parents were dealing with a difficult adult child.
I could have saved myself years of heartbreak and lots of money!
Like you, my son is our only child.
It's not easy to accept that the dreams and hopes we have for our children may never come to pass but that's thing, it's our hopes and dreams not theirs. Accepting that we are powerless over their choices is so freeing. We brought them into this world, we cared for them, we loved them, we taught them right from wrong, we did the very best we could and that is enough, that is good enough.

 

[New Leaf]

we loved them, we taught them right from wrong, we did the very best we could and that is enough, that is good enough.

We need to make a t-shirt with this. Thank you Tanya!

 

[newstart]

I guess the easiest way to describe it is this, I no longer have feelings of guilt nor do I have feelings of the need to swoop in and save him.
Once I truly accepted that he is a grown man making his own choices, good or bad and that he's living life on his terms, was I able to really let go.
It's in the acceptance. Please note, accepting that he's going to live his life in his own way does not mean that I like it. I still hate that he makes poor choices and is homeless (other than being in jail for now) but I had to accept it to let it go. I'm not getting any younger and I have allowed my son to dominate years of my life with his chaos, no more. I deserve to live my life and be happy, we all deserve that.
Detaching with love is just that, we let go of them but we still love them and loving them does not equate to rescuing them.

Tanya, You have given me solid advice and guidance that comes from you having had lived in pure torture for too long. It takes great strength and determination to get where you are right now. I am working on it. I am working on getting rid of the guilt and no more swooping in for the rescue..Thank you.