Dear Paula,
Tonight on the drive home I thought about you driving home also and about Andre. I don't know about you, but I know what happened to me when we got back from bailing Dude out of jail - I was numb. I cried a little, and came here and posted for strength. When we went back to meet his PD and go to court the first time of course no one knew what they were doing. So it was another 2.5 hour trip home and then back again when he DID have a meeting with his PD.
I want you to know - that you are not alone in the fears, anger, frustration, doubt, hurt and in the end love that you feel for your kid. Despite anything he does on this earth he was your baby. Those images don't go away just because we expect them to grow up and become men or citizens. Somewhere in the mix believe it or not; you will find a strength that will get you through this. When Dude gets like this I often think to myself "Could this be the situation that makes him grow up, catch up, 'get' it, be on the road to leaving his difficult child ways behind. And you know what? That's okay to wonder. It's normal. The hardest thing I have had to do in the last 17.5 years is NOT pick up the phone in the last 3 months and call my son. It's my hope for both our children that this time in their lives is a pivotal changing point...and maybe we can secretly wish together that it's the beginning of their growing up and being responsible young men.
You are in my thoughts and prayers. The power of this board is amazing - so keep your chin up and your head bowed.
Hugs & Prayers
Star