My daughter is now 36 years old and has two young daughters. She has never officially been "diagnosed" as Borderline (BPD), but through discussions with my own therapist, it's very clear she suffers from Borderline (BPD) and is very narcisstic. Having said all that, she is a single mother who works full time and goes to school full time. About to get her Masters Degree. She is highly functional when it comes to setting goals, but the self-care is not there. She does everything 200% when she is hyper-focused. Hence the overload of taking care of two kids, school and work. I believe there's definitely some mania there, as well at times like this when she goes into hyper-focus mode.
The reason I'm writing is to find some support here with other moms who have adult children who have Borderline (BPD) / Narcissism. I am her scapegoat, always. She verbally attacks me via voicemails at 1:30 in the morning or texting me all night long. I also suspect she is drinking during these times as she gets an idea in her head -- something that makes her annoyed -- and she goes off on me. Through my therapist, I have learned some tools --- like blocking her phone number for more than 1/2 this year. But then, once we are communicating again, I find it difficult to watch her self-destruct. She was arrested last week -- after an altercation in the middle of the night with her estranged husband. She is 100% to blame and of course, she doesn't see it that way. I worry about the kids. Her girls are helpless in all this. They adore her, but there is constant chaos. I have called for a home check one time and never heard the end of it. And yes, I would do it again if I felt there was a safety issue with my granddaughters.
The main thing I'd like to learn from other moms is how do you be happy? I have a great life. A wonderful husband and three other children who respect and love me. I feel sometimes like I'm just not allowed to have peace -- because how do I completely remove her from my life. That is not the answer for me, even though my therapist suggests it may be only option. I worry so much. It's debilitating at times and sucking the life out of me.
I cant' take the abuse any longer.
The reason I'm writing is to find some support here with other moms who have adult children who have Borderline (BPD) / Narcissism. I am her scapegoat, always. She verbally attacks me via voicemails at 1:30 in the morning or texting me all night long. I also suspect she is drinking during these times as she gets an idea in her head -- something that makes her annoyed -- and she goes off on me. Through my therapist, I have learned some tools --- like blocking her phone number for more than 1/2 this year. But then, once we are communicating again, I find it difficult to watch her self-destruct. She was arrested last week -- after an altercation in the middle of the night with her estranged husband. She is 100% to blame and of course, she doesn't see it that way. I worry about the kids. Her girls are helpless in all this. They adore her, but there is constant chaos. I have called for a home check one time and never heard the end of it. And yes, I would do it again if I felt there was a safety issue with my granddaughters.
The main thing I'd like to learn from other moms is how do you be happy? I have a great life. A wonderful husband and three other children who respect and love me. I feel sometimes like I'm just not allowed to have peace -- because how do I completely remove her from my life. That is not the answer for me, even though my therapist suggests it may be only option. I worry so much. It's debilitating at times and sucking the life out of me.
I cant' take the abuse any longer.