People are the way they are. This is the truth all of us struggle to accept with our children. That we have no control and that our center of gravity is in us and not them.. We also learn to trust our gut. In my case, I had the same issue with both identities. While I trusted my gut, I blamed myself for reacting.
We also learn on this forum:. To not hold ourselves responsible for what they do
This was a betrayal on a number of levels. Of course, we feel the gut punch. Clearly, this may not have been the first time someone came onto this board and for a week or two pretended to be somebody they were not. The issue here is the length of time and ongoing nature, and because this is somebody who most of us had known as her former identity.
In my case, I knew her very well. This is the greater hurt, that somebody perpetrated this on people she had known well for years and years and she sustained the subterfuge, elaborating the false story over time.
But the greatest betrayal is to the vulnerable people to whom she presented herself as having suffered in ways that she had not. On top of this, she gave them advice based upon events and experiences she had purported to live, but she had invented and she continues to do so. This is a betrayal of this board, even more so than of individuals who post here.
This person who did this wrote once (and I will paraphrase) anybody can come here and post anything they want. To me, this is not the spirit of this board. At least, I don't want to stay in a place where this is the ethos. This has been my issue all along with this poster. We need to post responsibly and measure the effect of our words.
At the end of the day, I feel compelled to write this out, in a post. I have the capacity to turn a corner here. I can do what each of us has done with our kids. See the reality of who they are. My center of gravity is in me. Trust my gut. And don't blame me.. Hold others responsible for what they have chosen, still choose, and for who they are. And I am okay.