It's one of the most cruelest action your child can possibly do is to disrespect degrade remove him /herself from the parent. To stick the knife in even further is to use the grandchild to punish you and she most certainly eill. is beyond any pain you can ever imagine. But there are times instead of the child initiating the estrangement it's the parent for self preservation. . IF you haven't bonded with this baby and if you cant tolerate the situation any longerc , walk away There's going to be a time when you have no choice. Does that make you a bad MOM? No , it will teach your daughter all about boundaries which hopefully she will pass on to her child. Your daughter ha s to learn that above all you will no longer tolerate this behavior . . She does it because she can . bottom line. If walking away makes you feel like your a bad MOM so be it. I would rather hold on to my dignity and self respect than to tolerate this behavior in order to think of yourself has a good mom.
My Grandchild.
- Thread starter Heather52
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BusynMember
Well-Known Member
No. it makes her an abusive daughter.
We are people too. We did our jobs, protecting and guiding thrm and giving every opportunity to them before they turned eighteen and beyond. If they chose to ignore that, estrange us, and keep us from our grandchildren why does THAT make us bad? I personally am glad I never met the grandchildren that Gone boy had with devil wife (and, yes, I was always nice to her the few times we met). At any rate, I dont mourn those little ones because I never met them. I am grateful.
Many of these estrangers have personality disorders and/or are just plain not nice people. We cant change them. They like to see us grovel and beg. its a sick game . I stopped playing.
At this point I dont care if my son learned anything or not, as long as he can never get near enough to me to break my heart again. I will never trust him.
We are people too. We did our jobs, protecting and guiding thrm and giving every opportunity to them before they turned eighteen and beyond. If they chose to ignore that, estrange us, and keep us from our grandchildren why does THAT make us bad? I personally am glad I never met the grandchildren that Gone boy had with devil wife (and, yes, I was always nice to her the few times we met). At any rate, I dont mourn those little ones because I never met them. I am grateful.
Many of these estrangers have personality disorders and/or are just plain not nice people. We cant change them. They like to see us grovel and beg. its a sick game . I stopped playing.
At this point I dont care if my son learned anything or not, as long as he can never get near enough to me to break my heart again. I will never trust him.
This is very sad and there is nothing you can do. I know my own son ENJOYS threatening me that I will never see the grandkids again every time I say anything. As long as I pay for stuff and take all verbal abuse I can see my grands, I swear I cannot stand my son or his idiot wife. I think we should back off, not grovel, it's fun for them. Let's live our lives. I am sorry for what you are going through, I feel it too. Those kids love me, as yours love you. It's sad for them.
Childofmine
one day at a time
Hi Catniss, I don't think taking care of yourself and setting boundaries to protect yourself from abuse and pain makes you a bad Mom. I think it makes you a person who respects herself and works to care for herself. I don't know your whole story but you know when you aren't being treated fairly and there is nothing wrong with standing up for yourself, even with your own child, especially when that person is an adult. Expect better behavior and if it just isn't going to happen, step back further. That is being smart.
You said it perfectly
I know anytime either of them speaks, it's a pure lie, a way to manipulate me or my husband. I focus on those cute little babies, we do whatever it takes without giving them money so they can spend it on new phones and pedicures. We have mantras: "You will figure it out, you are both so smart" (HA!) "We don't have 10 thousand dollars right now" (This infuriates them because they think we do) ( How dare we buy a new roof!) Meanwhile, they say snarky comments to us. I swear I actually hate my own child. It's horrible to say it, but there it is. I play the ugly game so I can see those sweetie pies.
BusynMember
Well-Known Member
I never met his children but he cut me out for unknown reasons ten years ago. After finding out he and devil wife were showing my heartfelt but groveling letters that I wrote to his friends, and then that they were laughing at us, I went into therapy with a therapist who only saw adoptive families and their kids so he explained so much to me.
Then I tried one reconcilliation meeting with him and his wife at his church with a mediator. He had a list of things I had to do and how I had to behave in order to be blessed enough to see him...and that was only once in a while. Everything on the list was demeaning. "You cant come to our house. We only can meet at church or a restaurant" and he made sure he added that I had to pay for my own meal. Never explained why I couldnt go to his house. There were twenty other rules just as demeaning or worse. I just listened as a light bulb went off in my head.
I did not cry. His cruelty gave me clarity. I decided I did not need that...I have other loved ones. That sort if showed me that I didnt know or like this man and everything went uphill since then. I let go of the stranger and his awful wife. I didnt say it out loud. I let them rattle on, but, in my mind, it was finally over. This was not the person I had loved once so fiercely.
He is not in our will and I recently wrote him a short letter telling him that he is not welcome back as a last minute regret or for any reason. My other kids dont want him around them. Nor does my husband.
I cherish my memories of him as a child, but he is a stranger now and has been very cruel. I dont really think of him that much anymore, but I did have to go through the grieving process.
Then I tried one reconcilliation meeting with him and his wife at his church with a mediator. He had a list of things I had to do and how I had to behave in order to be blessed enough to see him...and that was only once in a while. Everything on the list was demeaning. "You cant come to our house. We only can meet at church or a restaurant" and he made sure he added that I had to pay for my own meal. Never explained why I couldnt go to his house. There were twenty other rules just as demeaning or worse. I just listened as a light bulb went off in my head.
I did not cry. His cruelty gave me clarity. I decided I did not need that...I have other loved ones. That sort if showed me that I didnt know or like this man and everything went uphill since then. I let go of the stranger and his awful wife. I didnt say it out loud. I let them rattle on, but, in my mind, it was finally over. This was not the person I had loved once so fiercely.
He is not in our will and I recently wrote him a short letter telling him that he is not welcome back as a last minute regret or for any reason. My other kids dont want him around them. Nor does my husband.
I cherish my memories of him as a child, but he is a stranger now and has been very cruel. I dont really think of him that much anymore, but I did have to go through the grieving process.
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What a sad story. I'm so incredibly sorry. There are just no words . Where in their heads do they see the justification . There is no act other than abuse , that can justify this hateful dispicable act . One day when the light bulb goes off in their sick evil minds, they may see and realize what they have done. No one can go through this life and hurt someone so profoundly and get away with it. Their hateful actions screams loudly about who they are abd their character. God forgive them .
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It was my grandsons birthday today he turned 6. This was tbe first birthday we weren't there to share that day with him. We wot really busy with friends who know about our situation. We golfed and had lunch with a drink afterward. I laughed, I carried on as normal as impossibly could . My grandson was never too far from my mind . I think the light bulb went on in my head today or maybe I was making a conscious decision to make this a good day, it made me feel stronger. I have to admit that I watered up a bit , with a few tears but no one seen. I feel proud of myself for the way I handled myself on this most difficult day. I also made a decision, I'm done with talking to my friends and my sisters about this nightmare. I need to stop. I bent their poor ears enough. I wonder am I finally in the acceptance stage? But there us one thing I know with 100 per cent clarity, I am finished with my daughter. She stole the most precious thing, my grandson, from me. Any one who can do that to their mother knowing how I cherished this child is a monster. Down deep I know I love her but by the same token I despise her.
BusynMember
Well-Known Member
BG, this is a huge part of why I let my son go in my mind. What kind of man is he to deny his mother knowing his kids? On the estranged sites this is called abuse.
If he could do that, then our rrlationship is worthless and he is in it to control me and punish me.
If he could do that, then our rrlationship is worthless and he is in it to control me and punish me.
You nailed it.
