My son is spiraling down

[Quicksand]

My son received his diagnosis yesterday. Borderline (BPD) with PTSD. He said he was molested at cub scouts. But we were there at every meeting and camp out, my husband or I. We talked to our kids about that kind of stuff and I thought they knew they could come to us. How did I not see the signs? Why did he never say anything until now? I am deeply sad and ashamed that we didn't see this. This is a living hell. My daughter doesn't want to come home from school for Christmas because she's afraid of what the dynamic here will be. She barely passing her classes and frankly, I feel like a terrible mother. My son seems more stable than ever and I feel like I'm drowning. My husband buries himself in work and is emotionally absent. I know I need a therapist but can't stomach the thought of having to tell someone how royally I've screwed everyone up. I just want to curl up in a ball.

 

[New Leaf]

My daughter doesn't want to come home from school for Christmas because she's afraid of what the dynamic here will be. She barely passing her classes and frankly, I feel like a terrible mother. My son seems more stable than ever and I feel like I'm drowning. My husband buries himself in work and is emotionally absent. I know I need a therapist but can't stomach the thought of having to tell someone how royally I've screwed everyone up. I just want to curl up in a ball.

Oh, Quicksand, please do not blame yourself. We are only human, what on earth could we do more?
There are many times I examined my past, my mothering mistakes. It all boils down to time and circumstance.
We trust others in community leadership roles to do right by our children, sometimes this does not happen. How would you know? Unfortunately we are learning that pedophiles are very cunning, at times placing themselves in roles where others trust them with their kids. How would you know?
It is not your fault.
Our adult children make choices, we cannot be there 24-7 to guide them. Our role as parents is to give them values and guidance that can carry them through the tough times in life, it is entirely up to them, to rely on those teachings.
Oh, Quicksand, we have all been where you are at. Please do not put things on yourself you have no control over.
We all are imperfect humans, we all make mistakes. Please do not fall in to the guilt trap, it does absolutely no good.
I am hoping and praying that you come out of this quickly, and understand that you do not have that much power over your children to cause them disaster in their youth, or their adult lives.
The guilt does not belong in your court, Quicksand, I am sure you loved your children, LOVE them, to your utmost.

If you believe in a higher power, give this over, with your children.

When the sadness, guilt and terrible feelings overcome my soul this is what I do. I look up and say "Dear Lord, this is too much for me to handle, you gifted my children to me, I did the best job I could, please, take them again and watch over them."

I am praying that you slow.....way....down, take deep breaths, and do not be so harsh on yourself.
I know how this feels, been there many a time.

Please take care, holding you in my thoughts and praying for your peace.

(((HUGS)))
leafy

 

[InsaneCdn]

I know I need a therapist but can't stomach the thought of having to tell someone how royally I've screwed everyone up. I just want to curl up in a ball.

Trust me on this. They could not have ended up in this much mess if it was ALL your fault. We all have our weak points. We all need help at some point. And this isn't about fixing the past - it's about finding ways to move forward.

(says the person who's been trying to work up courage to make that first call, for months now... yikes!)

 

[Quicksand]

My daughter came home last night. Tonight, she told me that my son approached her to smoke pot with him. My husband and I asked him to come in the living room to talk and I said - your sister said you approached her to smoke with you..we are concerned because this was secret(behind our backs) and that we are all committed to your sobriety and worried about your commitment. He blew up and shouted that he is legally allowed to smoke it and that he will do what he wants and then stormed out of the house and peeled out. He came bak a few minutes later because he forgot to take his backpack. When he came back in we calmly said we just want to talk about it and he threw around a bunch of f bombs and I'm not talking to you(s) and left again saying I'm not staying here tonight. Now he's texting me saying thanks for giving me a reason to smoke pot. I didn't do anything wrong.i go to therapy and 12 steps, I'm doing what I'm supposed to do. My daughter is now saying she's leaving and going back to school tomorrow . Merry Christmas!

 

[Copabanana]

He blew up and shouted that he is legally allowed to smoke it and that he will do what he wants and then stormed out of the house and peeled out.

it and he threw around a bunch of f bombs and I'm not talking to you(s) and left again saying I'm not staying here tonight.

You are not asking for advice, but I will tell you how I feel about this.

He is making the rules. He is no longer a child, so he is entitled to make rules. Under his own roof. His own steam. Not your house.

If he chooses to not go by the agreement and do what he wants, I would let him leave altogether.

He is acting like a tyrant. I feel bad for you and bad for his sister, who deserves a nice holiday with her family. Why should she have to leave? She did the right thing to tell you. If it would was me I would support her. I would not let my son return.

We have the same issue about marijuana. My son has a medical marijuana card and insists he is permitted by a higher authority than us, to use marijuana. We will not let him back. He flaunts our rules and he disregards our authority. That is fine. He will not come to our home if this is the case.

I know that sounds harsh but they have to learn that they cannot do whatever they want to us or anybody else. I believe I am doing what I can do to try to protect my son. To belatedly show him there are consequences. I fear what will happen in the street when finally somebody decides to show him what happens if you blatantly disrespect the wrong person.

Even if your son's impulsiveness is related to a psychiatric diagnosis, he is still capable of and needs to learn to manage his explosive behavior. But the marijuana was a deliberate choice. I would hold him responsible.

All of that said, I am sorry you are going through this. You deserve better, whatever it is worth.

Your son is responsible for his behavior and to find a way to live life his life. Not you.

COPA

 

[New Leaf]

Quicksand, this is horrible for you and your family. I was reading through this thread before responding. Our posts are a history we can view, to run things through our heads. When situations get volatile, dramatic, it is hard to think straight. I agree with what Copa posted, he is acting like a tyrant. This is YOUR house, your sanctuary, you deserve to have peace, and your daughter should feel she has a place to come home to.

These were some responses to your earlier posts.......

Your son may have another mental illness besides addiction, and he may not. There is no way to tell unless and until they get clean from drugs and alcohol.
In the meantime, it's just going to be pure misery.

It has been misery for you Quicksand, I understand your wanting to help him with his confirmed diagnosis, but he is still an adult.

That is why I think eventually letting them deal with their own lives is so essential. It is the only way that they can rethink their self-limiting beliefs and change them.

I agree.

There is no answer to this, and I finally came to the point in my own life that I had to stop reacting to everything he did, and I had to set limits on what I would tolerate. Regardless.

So, now your son is throwing accusations, blame and f-bombs, this is unacceptable, QS.

My daughter doesn't want to come home from school for Christmas because she's afraid of what the dynamic here will be.

So your daughter just came, and now wants to leave. This is unacceptable as well. Take it from a Mom, who lost way too much time with my other children, due to catering to the endless needs of my d c's.
They detached from their sisters, I didn't. I am very glad to be able to spend time with them now, and wish I could recoup the time lost.......

Take some time and think things through, we will support you as fellow warrior Moms, it is your decision.

I think your daughter deserves to have a nice Christmas with her Mom and Dad.........just my opinion.....

(((HUGS)))
leafy

 

[Quicksand]

He sent a text- sorry I split on you. Then came back with a pizza and we tried talking to him again. And he got LOUD and refused to listen to anything and shouted over us and my husband stood up and got in his face to tell him he isn't calling the shots on how we live in our house. He turned it into "oh you're gonna threaten violence on me?" It got real loud and nasty and he left again. I cannot, we cannot live with this. I understand he is ill, but I cannot live with him running our household. This is horrible. I just want to run away. Now we've given him the perfect excuse to go further destroy his life.

 

[Quicksand]

He has no skills, 2 felonies and a mental illness. What are we supposed to do with that? Why does he get to act like a spoiled brat when gently questioned ONCE? I'm tired of this. It makes me sick to think where he may go or what he may do, but we can't live in a prison.

 

[Quicksand]

He sent many texts to my husband and I. I said ,all of this over simply wanting to talk to you about the pot. He did tell me that his therapist said he thought it would be ok if he smoked pot when he was going to have a freak out. But he didn't tell me that he went and got some and then to try to "party" with my daughter. I asked him why he didn't tell me or dad that he had it and would use it in an emergency.. He's just using it whenever. I would have had a rational discussion with him had he told me. Instead I find out because he is sneaking behind our backs. He just kept saying its none of our business. He said we are sh&t parents and to just forget he exists. He said we are sick and 100% wrong. He sent a text to my husband saying I wish you would have taken a swing at me. He told us to have his stuff waiting for him because he will be picking it up tomorrow (today). He said if we knew what he's been through, we would understand why he is the way he is..but he won't say, he's just vague. I told him he needs to get into sober living but that went ignored. My husband and I both want to vomit. If I wouldn't have said anything tonight, he'd be in bliss in his room and my daughter would be packing to leave in the morning. Seriously, she matters too! And so do we. What a sh&t storm. God, can you hear me? I know he has been diagnosed and I don't know the details of what happened to him but here in this house(that he claims was hell) - he was loved and did get away with too much. He had the best we could give and many opportunities and therapists and family vacations, outward bound, and much love from grandparents and us and pets and on.. I thought a normal, loving home. I can't get this out of my head- when he was 16, he was in trouble for not going to school and I said-we are going to take the car away if you are going to just skip school and drive around.. His reply was if you don't let me drive, I will do something that will make you not proud of me. That shocked me and honestly, I'll admit- we continued to let him use his car. Bad move. Bad,bad move. But that pretty sums it up with him, he's been holding us hostage for years.

 

[New Leaf]

QS,
This is a hard time for you and your family, but it seems, you have been here before. It is a crossroads. You are battling between heart and head. I have been there many times, where the desire to try to help my two has overcome the reality that I just do not have the tools to help them. Their problems are far too complex..... They would come to live with us, and turn our home upside down with drama. There were a lot of lies as well. Drug users lie and manipulate to get what they want. Parents are the perfect targets, because we put up with way more than the average person, because we are led by our hearts.

Then came back with a pizza and we tried talking to him again. And he got LOUD and refused to listen to anything and shouted over us and my husband stood up and got in his face to tell him he isn't calling the shots on how we live in our house.

I am glad this did not go any further. It seems your son is trying to manipulate and PROVOKE something to happen. This is not fair to your husband, not healthy, or safe.

He did tell me that his therapist said he thought it would be ok if he smoked pot when he was going to have a freak out

QS, the truth of the matter, sorry to be blunt, but our d cs LIE. They tell all kinds of stories to tug at our heartstrings. Unless you are there in the room with the therapist, you have no idea what was said. My eldest would tell people she had cancer, or her drug friends had cancer. "I am not on meth" she would say, "My friends are, but I am not." Ahem.
Who in the world would hang around meth users?
She would say she was sick, sleep all day, then be out again that night.
Our home became a war zone, we were stolen from, then the friends would be over when we came home from work.
It was insane.
I didn't want to be home, it was not home.

Instead I find out because he is sneaking behind our backs. He just kept saying its none of our business.

It is every bit of your business what goes on in your home. He is an adult. He is an adult living under your roof, your rules.

When he came back in we calmly said we just want to talk about it and he threw around a bunch of f bombs and I'm not talking to you(s) and left again saying I'm not staying here tonight.

He has got you right where he wants you, he thinks.....so really, really think about this, with your head, not your heart. Think through all of this, QS, because from what I read in your thread, he has made all of the decisions that brought him back into your household. You have given him all the help and chances, and you are back at square on. You gave him a wide berth in your own house, and he is taking it for granted, getting more and more brazen with his actions and attitude. All because he is "ill". I write this with quotes, because which came first? Illness or drug use? He was on heroin, is he still using? Was he clean enough to get a proper diagnosis? I write this because my two are "ill", but I think it is the drugs that made them this way, their choices.

I cannot, we cannot live with this. I understand he is ill, but I cannot live with him running our household.

Many moms here, have come to this conclusion. It has been written in many posts, that mental illness is a disease like any other, there are medications that help, like diabetes and such, but your son is an adult, and he makes the choice to be well, or not. He has pretty much called all of the shots so far, and you have no say, no control over what he does. The only control you have is over you, your response and your decisions. How much more of this could, or should any one take? In our own homes?

I know he has been diagnosed and I don't know the details of what happened to him but here in this house(that he claims was hell) - he was loved and did get away with too much. He had the best we could give and many opportunities and therapists and family vacations, outward bound, and much love from grandparents and us and pets and on.. I thought a normal, loving home.

I am sure you gave him your best love, did the best job you could do. He is 23, a young man. He needs to learn to make better choices. Many of us have found that this just does not happen in our homes. Our d cs just keep slipping, and blaming us. It is really them, QS, it is our d cs, going down a treacherous path, choices they make on their own.
If our d cs are clever enough to manipulate and try to control us, I think that they are smart enough to figure their lives out, the other way, to choose better paths. I have found that it makes no sense for all of us to go down with them, to suffer the consequences of their bad choices. We love them, not what they are doing to themselves, and us.
this article on detachment is very good, I read it often, to bolster my resolve....
Article on detachment http://www.conductdisorders.com/community/threads/article-on-detachment.53639/

This is horrible. I just want to run away. Now we've given him the perfect excuse to go further destroy his life.

No, you have not given him the perfect excuse, you set boundaries, and he refuses to follow them. Do not allow him to turn this on you. You do not hold the responsibility for his actions. HE DOES. Ill or not, addicted, whatever supposedly "happened" to him in the past, he still holds the responsibility to make better choices.

He told us to have his stuff waiting for him because he will be picking it up tomorrow (today). He said if we knew what he's been through, we would understand why he is the way he is..but he won't say, he's just vague.

Good. QS, call his bluff, have his stuff waiting, tell him you love him and see much potential for him to have a bright future.
Off he goes.
It is the best thing really for all of you.

I told him he needs to get into sober living but that went ignored.

He does not want to follow anybodies advice. He has to choose for himself, QS. Our d cs know there is help out there. They want to live with us, so they can continue to do what they want to do.This is not balanced. The scales are tipped unfairly to their likes and wants. Our needs are then trashed.
QS, time to get out your toolbox, and build yourself up. Al-anon, therapy, books on addiction, all help. It helps to keep posting. Look at your daughter, she is your child too, how many years have you been desperately trying to help your son?
You matter too, you have value and a life to live.

But that pretty sums it up with him, he's been holding us hostage for years.

Yes, hostage for years. Time to break free. Your job is done QS, you raised him, you did the best possible job you could. He needs his wings, it is the best thing you could do for him..... let him go and test his wings. He needs to start taking responsibility for his own actions.
These are not your consequences, they are his.

It will not be easy, it is hard. Having my two live with me was hell. It was equally hard letting them go, it feels strange, but my life and my home is way more peaceful.......

Reading the detachment article, posting and reading here has helped me tremendously. Praying helps. If I am thinking about my two, my grands, I say a quick prayer.

You are not alone QS, we are right here pulling for you.

I wish you peace
(((HUGS)))
leafy

 

[Quicksand]

QS,
This is a hard time for you and your family, but it seems, you have been here before. It is a crossroads. You are battling between heart and head. I have been there many times, where the desire to try to help my two has overcome the reality that I just do not have the tools to help them. Their problems are far too complex..... They would come to live with us, and turn our home upside down with drama. There were a lot of lies as well. Drug users lie and manipulate to get what they want. Parents are the perfect targets, because we put up with way more than the average person, because we are led by our hearts.
I am glad this did not go any further. It seems your son is trying to manipulate and PROVOKE something to happen. This is not fair to your husband, not healthy, or safe.

QS, the truth of the matter, sorry to be blunt, but our d cs LIE. They tell all kinds of stories to tug at our heartstrings. Unless you are there in the room with the therapist, you have no idea what was said. My eldest would tell people she had cancer, or her drug friends had cancer. "I am not on meth" she would say, "My friends are, but I am not." Ahem.
Who in the world would hang around meth users?
She would say she was sick, sleep all day, then be out again that night.
Our home became a war zone, we were stolen from, then the friends would be over when we came home from work.
It was insane.
I didn't want to be home, it was not home.

It is every bit of your business what goes on in your home. He is an adult. He is an adult living under your roof, your rules.
He has got you right where he wants you, he thinks.....so really, really think about this, with your head, not your heart. Think through all of this, QS, because from what I read in your thread, he has made all of the decisions that brought him back into your household. You have given him all the help and chances, and you are back at square on. You gave him a wide berth in your own house, and he is taking it for granted, getting more and more brazen with his actions and attitude. All because he is "ill". I write this with quotes, because which came first? Illness or drug use? He was on heroin, is he still using? Was he clean enough to get a proper diagnosis? I write this because my two are "ill", but I think it is the drugs that made them this way, their choices.

Many moms here, have come to this conclusion. It has been written in many posts, that mental illness is a disease like any other, there are medications that help, like diabetes and such, but your son is an adult, and he makes the choice to be well, or not. He has pretty much called all of the shots so far, and you have no say, no control over what he does. The only control you have is over you, your response and your decisions. How much more of this could, or should any one take? In our own homes?

I am sure you gave him your best love, did the best job you could do. He is 23, a young man. He needs to learn to make better choices. Many of us have found that this just does not happen in our homes. Our d cs just keep slipping, and blaming us. It is really them, QS, it is our d cs, going down a treacherous path, choices they make on their own.
If our d cs are clever enough to manipulate and try to control us, I think that they are smart enough to figure their lives out, the other way, to choose better paths. I have found that it makes no sense for all of us to go down with them, to suffer the consequences of their bad choices. We love them, not what they are doing to themselves, and us.
this article on detachment is very good, I read it often, to bolster my resolve....
Article on detachment http://www.conductdisorders.com/community/threads/article-on-detachment.53639/


No, you have not given him the perfect excuse, you set boundaries, and he refuses to follow them. Do not allow him to turn this on you. You do not hold the responsibility for his actions. HE DOES. Ill or not, addicted, whatever supposedly "happened" to him in the past, he still holds the responsibility to make better choices.
Good. QS, call his bluff, have his stuff waiting, tell him you love him and see much potential for him to have a bright future.
Off he goes.
It is the best thing really for all of you.

He does not want to follow anybodies advice. He has to choose for himself, QS. Our d cs know there is help out there. They want to live with us, so they can continue to do what they want to do.This is not balanced. The scales are tipped unfairly to their likes and wants. Our needs are then trashed.
QS, time to get out your toolbox, and build yourself up. Al-anon, therapy, books on addiction, all help. It helps to keep posting. Look at your daughter, she is your child too, how many years have you been desperately trying to help your son?
You matter too, you have value and a life to live.

Yes, hostage for years. Time to break free. Your job is done QS, you raised him, you did the best possible job you could. He needs his wings, it is the best thing you could do for him..... let him go and test his wings. He needs to start taking responsibility for his own actions.
These are not your consequences, they are his.

It will not be easy, it is hard. Having my two live with me was hell. It was equally hard letting them go, it feels strange, but my life and my home is way more peaceful.......

Reading the detachment article, posting and reading here has helped me tremendously. Praying helps. If I am thinking about my two, my grands, I say a quick prayer.

You are not alone QS, we are right here pulling for you.

I wish you peace
(((HUGS)))
leafy

Thank you. I've been reading the detachment article over and over. I read it to my husband and then to my daughter. I'm praying too. I'm thanking God for you and everyone on here... Peace to you... Love and strength for us all.

 

[Copabanana]

I cannot live with him running our household.

This is your intention. It makes perfect sense. It is highly appropriate for him and for you.

Now we've given him the perfect excuse to go further destroy his life.

This is what he wants you to think. Understand this: nothing you do or do not do has any influence on what he will or will not do.

Only he can change. Only he decides to do things that are destructive or self-destructive. He wants to put the responsibility in you. Do not take it. That is what I think.

He told us to have his stuff waiting for him because he will be picking it up tomorrow (today).

Good thinking on his part. I would have his stuff ready on the porch. I would not engage.

he's been holding us hostage for years.

This too is a true thing. You and he are ready for the next stage.

He is telling you he needs to and wants to be his own man. Whatever he decides that will be. He is pushing your buttons for you to respond proactively. To let him go.

I would prepare his stuff. I would say goodbye. If there is any trouble, threats against you or towards himself I would be ready to call the police. They will escort him away from the house.

That is what I would do. Of course, the decisions are yours to make.

We have been here in this exact situation. The police. The whole thing. The moment I decided to respond in this way, things got better.

They have to begin to live the consequences of their choices. If it is prison, so be it. Only then will there be any incentive to change. You or I cannot provide the motivation or incentive. We only get in the way. They do not need mothers or parents now. They need themselves.

I know how hard it is. You are doing great in a very difficult and confusing situation. None of it of your making.

If it were me I would do this, knowing what I know now: Follow through. Set a limit to protect yourself, your family, your household. In this way you are acting for your son, too. Where he needs to go. What he needs to do. To be. A grown up.

Keep posting. He will not make it easy. Do it anyway. That is what I think.

COPA

 

[Quicksand]

He came and took his stuff. We had it ready for him. I couldn't bear to see him and do this again - as it happened in August and other times in the past. I hid in my room with headphones on like a coward. I just couldn't look at him, as I am too weak. He has the tools- the 12 steps and very good therapy that we will continue to pay for. It's up to him now. Copa, I agree- this is the time RIGHT NOW for him to become the man he chooses to become. I didn't mention this, but last night he repeatedly texted and said- just tell me to leave. We didn't, he chose it but he wanted to go and probably be able to blame it on us. I'll be praying for him. I just can't mourn him over and over anymore.

 

[Copabanana]

I hid in my room with headphones on like a coward. I just couldn't look at him, as I am too weak.

No you are not weak, QS. For each of us this is the hardest thing we have ever been through, and will go through.

You are not mourning him. You are allowing him to begin. He is doing the right thing. You are too. Many, many famous people and ordinary people struggle with drug addiction and beat it. He has support that most do not. You do not have to walk his road with him. He must. That is how he will decide to change.

Good job. Please try not to be so hard on yourself. The last thing you are is weak. Headphones? Good idea. Why did I not think of that?

Keep posting.

COPA

 

[New Leaf]

Oh QS, my heart goes out to you.

I hid in my room with headphones on like a coward. I just couldn't look at him, as I am too weak. He has the tools- the 12 steps and very good therapy that we will continue to pay for.

You are not a coward, it is too much to bare.
He will be okay, QS.
It will be hard at first, for you, again, but he will be okay, and so will you. He is starting out on a journey that only he can do. It is a good thing.

he chose it but he wanted to go and probably be able to blame it on us. I'll be praying for him. I just can't mourn him over and over anymore.

You are right, you cannot mourn him over and again. Celebrate him. He must find his way, he is not finding it under his parents wings, he must find it as a man. On his own. He will.
Prayers are very powerful, they work. Keep praying QS.
I am sending all my prayers to you and your family and your son.
(((Hugs)))
leafy

 

[Quicksand]

My greatest fear is that he's going to kill himself. I get the phone bill, so I can see the calls and texts and there isn't activity from his phone on there. I tried contacting him with no response. I left a message with his therapist and asked if they could just let me know if he's been in contact with them and I also sent a message to his ex girlfriend. I'm not sure what to do with myself.

 

[InsaneCdn]

get the phone bill, so I can see the calls and texts and there isn't activity from his phone on there. I tried contacting him with no response.

But he could have just lost the phone. Or lost the charger.
Us warrior moms tend to jump to the worst conclusions... because sometimes, that is where things are at.

Is he on social media, such as facebook? it's sometimes another way to contact them.

 

[New Leaf]

My greatest fear is that he's going to kill himself. I get the phone bill, so I can see the calls and texts and there isn't activity from his phone on there. I tried contacting him with no response. I left a message with his therapist and asked if they could just let me know if he's been in contact with them and I also sent a message to his ex girlfriend. I'm not sure what to do with myself.

I have gone through this, too.

Thinking of all the what ifs.

It is hard, but we have no control over any of this, it is up to our d c's.

You have done so much already QS, the rest is up to him.

Praying helps me, also, the serenity prayer.....

I have to work really, really hard at changing my focus.
This is the time when we as moms, need to be very kind to ourselves. Do something good for you every day.
Take time to breathe. Do things that help you focus on something else, besides the worrying.
Worrying does not help us or our d c's.
Time and again, I have thought the worst, only to find out that my two were out there partying.
I slipped in and out of a dark tunnel. I am still working hard at this..... acceptance......

QS, we have value to our lives, too.
Is your daughter still there with you?
Hold on to her.

I have candles for my two, in the window at night.
It helps to light them and say a prayer for them.

I feel for you QS, I know the pain of it.
The reality of it is, the disrespect and destruction in our homes, to us, and our D cs, is unacceptable.

They do not get better under my roof, in my home. They drag everyone down with them.
I have to keep reminding myself of this.

With me, their ways just continue,
I think I am a lifeline, but really,
I was just allowing them to continue making bad choices.

I gave them their wings, now they have to test them. Their wings work, they have to work, we will not be around forever to pick up the pieces.
They have to learn from the consequences of their choices.

It does not feel good to not know, I know this.

But, QS, there are so many stories here on CD and on the web, of d cs making better lives for themselves, when we stop enabling them. It may not happen right away, in our timeframe, but we can take all of that energy we use worrying, and channel it into positive thoughts for our d c's.

I have to think this way, to be able to live my life.

If I am consumed with worry and dread for my two, I am not able to function, love myself, live my life, and pay proper attention to my three, that are doing well. This is not fair to them, or me, or my husband.

Now a days, when I find myself sinking, I repeat this....

"They are out there, finding their way, they will be okay.
God, please help and guide them."

I hope you are able to relax and breathe,
if your daughter is still with you,
bask in the sunshine of her company.

If not, call her and tell her how much you love her.

Do take care QS, keep sharing and posting, it does help. Be very kind and gentle to yourself.

God, comfort and keep you, dear sister.

(((HUGS)))
leafy

 

[Quicksand]

No Facebook but he has an Instagram that he has me blocked from. My daughter checked it and the last activity was on Sunday... What else can I do? I have to try to stay sane for the rest of my family. I will busy myself with something.

 

[New Leaf]

No Facebook but he has an Instagram that he has me blocked from. My daughter checked it and the last activity was on Sunday... What else can I do? I have to try to stay sane for the rest of my family. I will busy myself with something.

Good idea QS, busy work is good.
You can do this.
Get out your toolbox, and fill it with tools to help you strengthen yourself.
Take deep, intentional breaths.
Be good to yourself.

leafy