What in the world? This stuff is absolutely awful to live through. What are we to do with people...people we love...who absolutely will not take the help (imperfect as it is) that is available to them, and then it instantly becomes our problem and they are completely out of control and living incoherent lives that never get stable? It's always something and they absolutely will not and cannot accept help and be compliant with that help. They always know better. But they don't. It is a complete conundrum and I don't believe there is an answer.
There is not an answer.
They have to find it in themselves.
The hard part is, the drugs have such control, it is such a monkey, no
darn it all to heck a
gorilla on their back.
Substances so powerful, that they would do things that
in their right mind, they would never imagine doing.
Their right mind, must show up every once in a while, and chastise them, like Jiminy cricket.
I think this is what may happen when they talk of rehab,
maybe it is their Jiminy Cricket self talking,
not a lie,
a real attempt to break free of the monster.
Then, as they go through the horrors of withdrawal,
the Jiminy Cricket voice gets dimmer and dimmer.
I am thinking that the replacement drugs given in detox, must be to abate the withdrawal. It is said to be a horrible thing.
There is so much evidence out the about the power of pain in our bodies, and the power of healing. And new theories of dulling the pain, then our bodies heal more quickly.
Perhaps your son wants to try to quit cold turkey, as a penance or something, who knows?
Why do our adult d cs insist it is our responsibility to "help" them?
Because we are their people.
Unfortunately, addiction is not like an illness that we could run to our children and help them with.
Certainly, if our adult children had some other unforeseen illness strike them, we would do whatever we could humanly, possibly do, to help them?
But, this, this thing, addiction, goes against all of our wildest imaginations.
It is too, too big for us to handle!
We are their people, but we cannot run to them and fix this, just as we cannot perform surgery.
They need professional help.
They have got to want to fix this.
What if we told them, we love them so deeply, we know they are going through horrible things and the place they are in now, puts us through horrible things.
Our children, with this addiction, in full force, using drugs, using us, to use drugs, we cannot handle.
We love them enough to know, that they have great potential and can become what they are truly meant to be.
They are our people.
We do not have enough tools in the world to fix them.
We can tell them we love them and we are painfully aware of their struggle with this.
So, aware, we know it is impossible for them to be with us, using.
We can tell them in prayer, in thought and deed, that we love them and we love our intimate familial relationship with them, and we love them enough to want to
preserve that love.
To cherish it.
To keep it with us always.
That does not mean that we will cave to their wishes, and wants with their addiction.
We love them.
This does not mean they have to be near us, they cannot be so near us.
It is not healthy for them or us.
As they go down this path they are on, we are painfully aware of it and all of its dangers, to them, us, and our relationship with them.
They have gone to a place so beyond themselves and us.
Drifting,
a ship with sails, un-masted sails, fluttering in the strong winds, drifting.
We are waiting patiently on the shore for them to return to themselves.
We are preserving our relationship, by doing this.
While we wait, we have to take care of ourselves.
We owe this to ourselves, and them, to be our best selves.
We cannot join them on their drifting, sail fluttering, hapless, journey.
We will await their finding their meaning,
upon our shores.
Strong and steady,
and sure of our purpose.
We pray,
we wait,
we hope,
we live.
leafy
