MySpace question: What would you do?

[BusynMember]

Well, everyone I know has their Facebook/MySpace set to private. It's impossible to get on if there is a private setting. I think people have to make sure they do set them for private. I can't imagine letting just anyone on. A lot of people don't use real names either, but rather go by nicknames. I use my writer's pen name. Nobody knows it other than my readers

 

[Marguerite]

We've had cases in Australia where a prospective employer looked up the applicants on whatever he could find, and used the information in making a decision about who to employ/not employ. It is easy and it is legal. And even if it were not legal - how would you know?

We should never underestimate just how vulnerable we can be, even when we think we are being careful. I know that I could be tracked form here, to my real ID. My main aim is to ensure I can't be tracked TO here, FROM my real ID. But with Facebook and other similar sites, it's different. We post under our real names because we are using it to stay in touch with people we know and care about. This makes us automatically vulnerable.
MWM, you said very early on that your daughter's profile is set to "private". Now, my husband ("Marg's Man") is fairly savvy with computers but not ridiculously so. He didn't test for your daughter's MySpace page but if you are interested (he said he didn't want to alarm you) he will send you a PM on what he has managed to find in a casual 20 minutes. I can assure you he is a nice bloke ("white hat"). Not everybody is. I've experienced flame wars from the nastier kind and I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy (except maybe the person who flamed me!). As Jo just said, "anything you put on the Internet is fair game for anyone to view" - and things aren't as private as you think.

If you want a good, thrilling read as well as a solid education then read "The Blue Nowhere" by Jeffery Deaver. The technology is hopelessly out of date (even more is possible these days) but it will make you realise just how vulnerable you can be, as well as give you ideas on how to be safe without being over-the-top about it.

Marg

 

[BusynMember]

Marg, check your PM. That's an offer I can't refuse
I will still let my daughter have a MySpace. I can't ban her from everything that "may" be dangerous. She so far has a good head on her shoulders. But I can tell her how easy it is for strangers to get on her MySpace so that she doesn't give out too much information on the internet.

 

[Marguerite]

MWM, I tried to reply but you seem to be un-enabled. husband will PM tomorrow from work, about 10 hours form now, if you can switch it back on/clear your in box/whatever is needed. You DON'T want him to post it all publicly! (he wouldn't, anyway)

Marg

 

[Marg's Man]

Gday MWM,

Don't EVER be too confident of your privacy on the 'Net, there's no such thing. I was looking over Marg's shoulder last night and spotted a line from Jo (JoG) who said "My feeling is that anything you put on the internet is free game for anyone to view."

Unless special precautions are taken; this pretty well true, but even so-called 'secure' sites get hacked. Just ask any Bank or the military (of course they won't answer because even admitting it can be done is often regarded as a challenge by hackers).

Sites such as CD are better than most at keeping details confidential but we (the users) get careless, especially where we feel safe and give away more than we suspect.

I'm not going to say any more. This area is too publicly viewable. I tried to PM you but the message went to your Visitor's Messages area. If you want to know the rest you will either have to allow PM's or send an email request to be friends to Marg or me.

best wishes to you and yours,
Marg's Man

 

[BusynMember]

I'm not sure how to allow PMs. I'll try to do it. I want to know more.

 

[flutterbee]

MWM -

From the ages of 12-14, I went to a very rural, small school in upstate NY and sex was not uncommon among that age group.

When easy child was 13, he was chatting in a private AIM chat room with friends and there was a 13 year old girl propositioning all of the boys and telling them to meet her at a certain bathroom at a certain time. I do have to say that I was proud of how easy child handled it when she asked him directly - he deflected. But, I had a hell of a time getting the school to address it - because the conversation didn't take place at school. Told them it didn't matter, when I send my child to school it is their responsibility to care for them, keep them safe, etc. And that didn't go just for my child, but for that girl, too. I had a long discussion with easy child at that time about sex and that it's not casual and how damaging it can be when done for the wrong reasons - that some people, especially girls, do it to be 'liked'.

Anyway, just wanted to let you know that from my experience it's not uncommon for kids in this age group to be sexually active - or at least sexually provactive.

 

[BusynMember]

I know that some kids are sexually active, and definitely sexually provocative. My daughter certainly likes to look attractive, and she is very pretty and looks older. I also know, as sure as I'm sitting here, that she has never tried to seduce a boy--that the idea scares her. I can't go into how I know, but I do know. For now, we're good.
All I can do is arm with the right information and guide her. There are no guarantees in life. I know kids who went to private schools and church every Sunday and whose parents barely let them out of sight who get into trouble. So far I'm not concerned about N. Of all my kids, she has the best head on her shoulders so far. She also has something important that most difficult child don't have: She has a healthy fear of others and of high risk situations. "Scary kids"--goths, punks, just sleazy looking kids scare her and she stays away from them. I don't believe in shackling your kids to the house just because something may happen or they may make a bad choice, at least not when they seem like level-headed kids. So we'll see what happens. If I didn't let her on MySpace here, she would certainly use it at her friend's houses (and she has A LOT of friends). I do try to keep a good eye on her and we talk a lot about "dangerous situations." I will certainly alert her to the dangers of the internet, although I suspect she already knows...take care

 

[flutterbee]

I wasn't suggesting you shackle her. Just informing you because you seem surprised at the sexual activity in that age group. It scared the heck out of me when I was going through it my first time around with easy child. difficult child is so not interested in that subject - or even boys, for that matter.

by the way, my daughter is one of those 'scary kids' - goth.

 

[BusynMember]

No, my older daughter (the one who took drugs and once dressed like a goth and scared ME...lol) told me some 11 and 12 year olds have sex. She didn't say it was most kids though. She said it wasn't most kids, and she is brutally honest, almost too honest. Even if LOTS of kids are, mine isn't so far, and I hope she doesn't until she is a lot older. I'm way past believing the kids will be virgins when they marry, and I don't care. I just hope they wait until they are in a loving relationship and, for pity sakes, use protection, but there's no guarantee of that. I think communication is the best thing a parent of a teen can have. I think they listen more than they let you believe. However, although they listen, not all kids take our advice, and we just have to hope they do.
I learned a lot from parenting my oldest daughter. I hope I learned enough to be a better mother to the younger one. With the older one, I went through a divorce, had to work full time, and didn't have as much time for her as I would have liked. And she also didn't have much self-esteem--never had. This one gets a stay at home mom, a dad, lots of friends, talent in athletics, and seems more conventional than rebellious (if that makes sense). I hope for the best, but know how teens can change and suddenly go wild.