Need Serious Support - esp from parents of bi-polar kids

[DammitJanet]

Guys I had that EXACT same conversation yesterday in the car with Tony. The one about the adult daughter dying. Of course this started out as a conversation about Buck but I was pointing out to him that once I became an adult and pulled all my stupid difficult child things, my dad was done with me. He and my mom split up when I was 18 and then were divorced by the time I was 20. I had no home to go back to. I did move with my mother down to Myrtle Beach but I ended up moving in with Tony about a month after we moved there.

Now if something had happened between Tony and I and we had split up, neither of my parents would have let me go back home. Not on my life. It simply wouldnt have happened. I know this and I knew better than to have even asked. It does burn my toast that my step-brother was allowed to live with them until he was in his mid twenties but I would have NEVER been able to go home again. Fortunately it wasnt an issue. Im also sure that my father had many sleepless nights wondering if he did the right thing. Worrying if I was okay. I think he did. I lived. It wasnt always easy and we went hungry a few times and we lived in some really horrible dumps along the way but when he came to see us he never said a word. Personally I think he lived as long as he did because he didnt want to leave me until he was sure I could make it on my own...lol.

Its terribly hard to watch them fall from the nest and wonder if their wings are going to actually work. I took some of the most convoluted circular motions before figured out how to flap my wings and catch an air current...lol.

 

[dashcat]

She is home safe and surly.

I made her sit right down and talk with me (well, I did let her make a sandwich, but she wanted to take shower and 'rest"....so sorry, the talk is NOW).

I said pretty much what I'd planned. She tried to argue that she had not violated a condition of living here becasue "I'd been out with him a few times". I didn't that one go by. She was fairly surly. She was, after all, very tired (really?) and wanted to rest and shower and didn't want to talk and I was MAKING her (yes).

Ossy did not come by, but she said she is going to call him and that she wants to "stay there awhile and think". I told her she could not bounce back and forth when the mood struck, but that she could return if 1. She was on medications 2. we both see her IC to work on trust issues and, until further notice nobody comes here/picks her up here except her father. (I told her I would install security cameras! I wont but she really doesn't know this ...and she most likely will not be returning any time soon) 3. She pays her car insurance on Friday and shows me monthly proof that iti s paid.

She is not happy.

It does amaze me how cold and indifferent she can be at times. Honestly. I worry myself sick for 48 hours. She goes - God knows what went on .... returns to her clean, warm home with a stocked refrigerator ... and SHE'S MAD??? Sheesh. Kept my cool, though. Of this I am very proud..

(RE that is everyone's very worst fear. And, we are powerless, you are so right) Welcome, thank you for your kind words ....everyone thank you.

 

[welcometowitsend]

Dash - That is exactly how my difficult child would react when he'd be gone for days at a time and then return home and expect me to not be angry - no, he was angry at me instead. Ugh!

I guess they figure that they're not worried about so why should we be? Because we are older, smarter, wiser and we love them far more than they can possibly understand (until they have children of their own to worry about).

You set the boundaries very clearly and that is what's important. If she goes to Ossy's to 'think' maybe he should make her aware that he's going to back you up on this. At least we hope he will.

*Glad she is home safely.

 

[dashcat]

Well, you're not going to believe this one, guys.

Ossy said no.

So, do I toss my unmedicated bi-polar 21 year old daughter out of the house tonight? No, I don't think so. I am on to plan B, which is to make a counseling appointment for us together in order for her to either meet the criteria of staying here (medications/no dudes/insurance), or transition somewhere else.

I guess I'm glad he didn't show and gang up with her on how unreasonable I am ... but I did think he wouldn't flat out refuse her.

Dash

 

[recoveringenabler]

Too bad you don't have the same option, to know she is safe and cared for by the OTHER parent. Nice for him.

 

[Calamity Jane]

Dash,
Wow. Do you think Ossie's SO has something to do with his refusal?

In any case, maybe now she will know not to be so cavalier, that she has nowhere else to turn, and that you have her safety and best interests at heart. Perhaps she will be medication compliant when faced with the alternative.

Hugs and support to you.

 

[dashcat]

It sure would be, RE. C,Jane He and his SO don't live together, and she seems to truly care about my difficult child. Very good point about it making her a little less cavalier ... I hadn't looked at it that way and it helps. Right now she's ANGRY ANGRY ANGRY - and not with her dad. I am bearing the brunt, lucky me.

I did talk to Ossy and told her that his telling her she had to "stay here and work it out with mom" wasn't working for ME. That she most certainly does not need to live with me in order to work through any anger she may have mover me holding her accountable. If he has is OWN reasons (which he admits he does -primarily what a slob she is), he needs to tell her. He said he is having her over tomorrow to discuss the phone (she doesn't know he turned her texting off. She just thinks it doesn't work) and he promised to elaborate on his reasons for not letting her return.

Clearly, he has conveniently forgotten that he told he he'd told her this long ago. I knew he was lying.

Tomorrow should be interesting.

Time for a couple of tylenol and maybe sleep.