needing some advice with BiPolar (BP) daughter in law

[skeeter]

I'm not sure how to do this one - don't want to be the meddling mother in law, nor do I fully understand what I should be doing for the bipolar stuff.

My son was recently married, he and his bride aren't living together because he's on his ship (Navy), and she's at college. However, she flunked one of her classes last semester (I'm sure in part due to the wedding - this was a HUGE event), so she is now a whole year off in her class rotation and toward graduation.
She is going to a very expensive private college out of town (which, thankfully her parents are still paying the tuition for), but my son and she are paying for her apartment, etc. She's not sure if she wants to stay at this school - she's been taking 3 classes to stay current in enrollment, and working the rest of the time at a bagel shop. My son will be deployed very soon, so having her transfer to a school in Norfolk is kinda silly.
I'd like to "suggest" she come back here (her parents also live here) and go to one of the colleges here. She originally went to the school she did because of the "accomodations" they make for her BiPolar (BP) and ADD, but, honestly, I'm not seeing success with those accomodations. And I know some of the things she needs (how to plan long term projects, etc.) I can just as easily help her with - I do it for my other son.

We get along great, and I love her to death, but I don't want to come off as trying to run their lives. My son and I have talked about this (without her around), but I don't know how much he's said to her about it all. He has said I should email her about the schools and such here. He was hoping she'd be done with school so HE can go when he gets out of the service in a little over 2 years, but it looks like that may not happen, and I'd hate for him to have to put his plans on the back burner.

Anyway - suggestions? This is all new to me!!!!! She has some of the "grandiose" thinking that goes along with BiPolar (BP), and I have a real problem communicating with her when she gets in those moods. I'd like to leave it all to my son, but he's been going on short cruises, so is sometimes out of touch for days at a time. If she is going to transfer, she's got to get the stuff in place now.

 

[Loris]

I'm not sure how to appoach this unless you just tread carefully. Maybe just ask her if she's thought of a transfer to be closer or something like that. Then just tell her you'd be glad to help if she needed it. But your tone or the way you word it is what you need to watch. Good luck, I hope it goes well if you do bring it up. You don't want to tell her you've spoken to your son about it, though. That will surely get her dander up in a hurry!

 

[Hound dog]

I'd ask her if she's been doing any thinking on changing schools. Then have the info ready if she says yes and seems open to discuss it. It might be that she's afraid to ask your advice because she doesn't want to look like a failure to you.

I approach things like this with my son in law. Usually he'll jump right in to the subject and we go from there. I never let him know I've usually run it past easy child first. If she tells him that's fine. But I don't volunteer that info.

If she's considering leaving the school she's at, it sure sounds to me like your idea is a good option for her. But try not to be hurt if she shoots the idea down. (I always keep this possibility in mind)

 

[Suz]

Skeeter, I have to be honest here. I think you have wonderful intentions and it sounds like your assistance would be appreciated by your son...but he is a married man now and I think this is too personal and too big of a decision to involve anyone other than the couple itself. I would stay out of it and let the young people figure this out for themselves.

Suz

 

[skeeter]

I appreciate the answers from y'all.

I guess I'll just kinda wait and see what happens when she and I talk next. Last time it was all about the kitten she had gotten (I'm sorry, she needs a pet like, oh, you know....). Unfortunately, that means that when they are in town, they won't be able to stay here because I am deathly allergic to cats.

Oh well, ya think ya get them grown up.........

 

[witzend]

How about if you took her to lunch and asked her if there was anything that you could do to help her out? You could approach it along the lines of "I like helping difficult child, and he's not here. If I did things for you, it would be like helping him because I know he wants the best for you."

Whatever she comes up with, be sure to go along the lines of "Let's run this by your folks so they won't feel left out."