Needing to stay strong, feeling like a horrible person. :(

[AppleCori]

I’ve stumbled upon this forum after a google
Search on my daughter chooses to be homeless. This site is awesome! I can see so many things that I as a mom need to stop
Doing. Thank the good Lord for everyone who writes. I feel so much more at peace knowing I’m not alone. Knowing it’s her choices not mine. Knowing I didn’t screw up as a parent.

Whoever recommended the book, I’ll buy it and read it. We have started counseling- my daughter (20) goes tomorrow. I am not sure what she’s gonna talk about.


Thanks again.

Hi and welcome, Sherry

I’m glad you found us and I hope you will keep posting!

You should change your user name and take down the picture, though. This is an anonymous site, and we don’t use our last names or pictures so as to guard the privacy of our loved ones.

You may want to start your own thread so people will see and can respond to you directly.

 

[Dakota]

Hi and welcome, Sherry

I’m glad you found us and I hope you will keep posting!

You should change your user name and take down the picture, though. This is an anonymous site, and we don’t use our last names or pictures so as to guard the privacy of our loved ones.

You may want to start your own thread so people will see and can respond to you directly.

Thanks. I have!

 

[Copabanana]

I wonder if they can only work a part time due to the benefits?

There is a very generous window where benefits are not affected by work. I don't remember exactly. And then above that window they begin pro-rating the benefits. This is only an example: Let's say the benefit amount every month is $900. (It differs state to state.) Somebody could work and earn say $700 more each month without it affecting their benefit amount. (I picked that number out of my hat.) And then, say if they earned $800, for that extra $100, they would deduct say, $50 off the benefit for that month, and each increment more of earnings until a certain wage would eliminate the way altogether.

A way better way to understand this would be to google, "how earnings affect monthly SSI benefits."

 

[WLS]

I'm sorry you're dealing with this, so many of us have been there. I have one suggestion about the texts from her ... when my Oldest used to send similar texts, I'd respond with the phone number to the local homeless intake center. I'd say something like, "I'm sorry you're hurting ... here's the number of a place that may be able to help." (or later, "you know your options, here's the number again.") You may want to think about doing the same if you hear from her again.

Hang in there.[/

Thank you CrazyinVA - I was going to ask what to say when I text her as I don't' want to set any bait and you chimed in prior to asking. I texted her verbatim as to your suggestion "I'm sorry you're hurting ... here's the number of a place that may be able to help." And provided her a number that I had previously given among MANY others. Her reply was......... "Right, sure. I know like you give a right".

I think at least for the time being, I just need to wait for her to do what she needs to do and reach out to me once she figures it out. Soooo, So hard but dang, sigh....... I just refuse to get sucked back in.

And - OMG Thank You ALL for your contributions and advice - SO BEYOND helpful, I am truly great-full.

 

[CrazyinVA]

Thank you CrazyinVA - I was going to ask what to say when I text her as I don't' want to set any bait and you chimed in prior to asking. I texted her verbatim as to your suggestion "I'm sorry you're hurting ... here's the number of a place that may be able to help." And provided her a number that I had previously given among MANY others. Her reply was......... "Right, sure. I know like you give a right".

Sounds like a standard response Try to steel yourself against those and just know that you provided her the information, now it's up to her to take the next step. If she chooses not to call, that's on her.

As a wise person said to me long ago: don't work harder than she does [to change her situation]. I always try to remember those words when I'm tempted to "fix" something that my adult child can fix herself, if she so chooses.

 

[Chasejazz]

BusynMember,

My son is applying for SSI, I am glad to hear they can work with SSI and not have to give it up. And they can get help with housing etc.

I wonder if they can only work a part time due to the benefits?

For every two dollars earned, Social Security takes one. The housing is usually done through HUD, as is Section 8, but both have pretty long waiting lists. My son's been on it a year and still waiting. (He already had HUD housing twice, and is presently homeless/living in car/long story). The good news is once you get in, the rent is a small percentage of income, usually with all utilities included a couple hundred at most.

 

[Blindsided]

Enabling is also disabling, for everyone involved. I so wish I would have known the difference between enabling and helping long ago. There are many ways people are disabled, physical, mental, addiction, etc. etc. I can only tell you what I found and what many here have expressed, if you let your daughter stay when you are not there, how is that helping her move forward? Always have a backup plan, what do you do with her when you return? It will be very easy for her and you to slip back into the enabled/enabling relationship. She has made a great stride towards independence. If there is a way to help her celebrate her achievement, that is helping her. I wish my daughter who was once able bodied, but now dying from her long-term alcoholism and I now suspect drugs (in onther state, homeless, couch surfing, 40 y/o), would have gotten a job. It's is tough. I will be thinking of you.