New forum?

[InsaneCdn]

Just wondering if there is any support for, or if anyone else might be interested in, a forum for kids with mental health and developmental challenges?

In theory I could use General and/or PE, but... we're not dealing with ANY shade of substance abuse, and that seems to be the major themes.

I've looked at other mental-health-oriented forums out there, and they are extremely specific - for example, might discuss bi-polar, or autism spectrum, but not any overlap with co-morbid conditions. Nowhere out there to discuss complex kids.

 

[in a daze]

Could dual diagnosis be lumped in there if they haven't been actively using? And my son has a learning disability which impacts his emotional, social and occupational functioning. Not really developmental but certainly affects his emotional maturity. Plus his depression, anxiety, etc. Yes, I think there is a need. I would like to see such a forum.

I wish addiction was his only problem...

 

[InsaneCdn]

Could dual diagnosis be lumped in there if they haven't been actively using?

I would have no problem with that. The primary focus of discussion would be on the mental health and developmental challenges, irrespective of what else is going on.

 

[SuZir]

I would like that too.

I have felt little out of place here often. While my kid was very close to conduct disorder diagnose in one point and also did have addiction issues and is not even stranger to abusing substances, at this point his problems are mainly mental health related. It is also complex mess of couple mental disorders and some developmental differences/skill issues that makes situation rather challenging.

I feel that family dynamics with kids whose primary issues are mental health or development related, even if there is addiction elements versus those, whose primary issue is substance abuse are different. It can make a huge difference to what those kids/adults can and can't do. Many recommended methods dealing with loved ones with substance abuse issues assume that the individual with substance use problem is fully capable adult aside of that problem. People with developmental issues or more severe mental disorders often are not.

 

[InsaneCdn]

@runawaybunny
Would it be possible to get a new parent support forum on a trial basis?

This would be for complex mental health and developmental challenges, of any age. Looks like there are at least three of us interested at this point, and I suspect others will join us.

 

[New Leaf]

I second the motion........
leafy

 

[Kathy813]

The SA forum was supposed to be the place for substance abuse issues and the PE forum was supposed to be for issues not dealing with substance abuse issues.

There have been people posting in SA encouraging people to go to PE which has lead to a mixing of the forums.

Of course, it is up to Cheryl whether to start a new forum. That would also necessitate the need for more mods.

~Kathy

 

[InsaneCdn]

@Kathy813

PE seems to have evolved into the "adult kids" general forum, with a strong SA influence. "General" has not been as active lately, and is for non-adult kids. People in "General" are recommended to move to PE when the kids become adults.

Even the whole "adult" thing is difficult when we deal with mental health and developmental issues. My kids are technically adults - but "adult" advice of the type that we tend to get on PE does not apply to our situations. Some of us don't feel as free discussing challenges where the primary concerns are definitely something other than SA - even when SA is part of the picture.

Yes, it does raise the question of moderators, and that is an important point. I never said this would be easy.

 

[Kathy813]

As I said, it is not my decision. One of the other mods has made sure that Cheryl is aware of your request.

~Kathy

 

[BusynMember]

I dont think its a bad idea. Actually I am one of those differently wired adults without substance abuse issues myself. Most who come here ARE dealing with SA which I why I think both SA and PE is mostly substance abusers.
There are complete forums dedicated to non users who have depression, autism, and bipolar and I think many parents use specialized forums.
Have nothing against a new forum here. See how it goes.

 

[InsaneCdn]

There are complete forums dedicated to non users who have depression, autism, and bipolar and I think many parents use specialized forums.

Yes, SWOT. Some are excellent. But every one of them assumes you are dealing with a single diagnosis. As soon as you are dealing with a combination of, say, mental illness + Asperger's... there is nothing out there.

So... this would be for the kinds of complex kids that bring parents to this forum...

 

[BusynMember]

Ic, youre right. And most, including myself,have multiple issues. Consider me on board. I get the need.

 

[CrazyinVA]

I guess I always felt like that's what this forum was for already, for parents dealing with complex issues in their adult children. From what I've read over the years, we certainly have parents dealing with a myriad of diagnoses, including personality disorders and those on the spectrum. They've all posted here and received support.

If the issue is primarily SA, the SA forum is most appropriate. My girls are primarily dealing with mental health issues... bipolar, borderline. Both also have significant physical health issues. Oldest self-medicates with pain pills and while that's certainly an SA issue, it's not her primary issue - it's because of her untreated mental illness that she self-medicates. She's also in real pain from her physical illness. For that reason, the SA forum isn't the most appropriate for me - the issues are just too complicated. I stay in this forum because the most important thing is continuing to maintain boundaries with her, as an adult. That's something we all struggle with, where that line is between helping and enabling our adult kids - even the ones that aren't neurotypical.

in my opinion, I don't think another forum is necessary. I think most of us here are already dealing with complex issues, so I'm not sure what would be gained by subdividing the forums further. But as Kathy said, it's not up to us. Cheryl is aware of the discussion and will weigh in when she gets time.

 

[InsaneCdn]

I guess I always felt like that's what this forum was for already, for parents dealing with complex issues in their adult children

The assumption on PE is that the kids are truly adult. With the maturity and skills to be able to handle life on their own. Most posters on PE have no idea what a few of us go through. And there is no where else on the net for us, either. I've spent weeks looking, multiple times over the last 10 years including earlier this year. We are "the exceptions".

I'm watching the new posters and their stories - across all of the boards. Most of the ones who find us are dealing with substance abuse as a substantial part of the problem. A few active posters on the forums feel the same way as I do - I just happen to be more vocal.

The hope and intent would be that we would attract other new members who haven't found us yet, by being able to freely discuss complex mental health and developmental challenges without the current biases. Not blaming anyone for their biases either, as we all have them - they are based on what we have been through. But they do affect what gets posted.

 

[runawaybunny]

Just wondering if there is any support for, or if anyone else might be interested in, a forum for kids with mental health and developmental challenges?

In theory I could use General and/or PE, but... we're not dealing with ANY shade of substance abuse, and that seems to be the major themes.

I've looked at other mental-health-oriented forums out there, and they are extremely specific - for example, might discuss bi-polar, or autism spectrum, but not any overlap with co-morbid conditions. Nowhere out there to discuss complex kids.

Sorry for the delayed response. I'm just catching up here after a few really busy days away.

Sure, it's easy enough to give set this up. Any suggestions for what we call this new forum?

 

[InsaneCdn]

Hmmm... ok, here's my suggestion, lets see what others can come up with.
How about:
Title: Mind Games
Description: Forum devoted to discussion of issues related to Mental Illness and Developmental Challenges, across all age groups

 

[toughlovin]

I have no problem with a different forum. I used to just follow the SA forum since that is the primary issue....but the problem became people were posting on the PE forum not the SA forum so I finally started posting in PE....

 

[Copabanana]

Just wondering if there is any support for, or if anyone else might be interested in, a forum for kids with mental health and developmental challenges?

It is also complex mess of couple mental disorders and some developmental differences/skill issues that makes situation rather challenging.

Hi Insane, Suzir and all. I was away 4 days and it felt like 4 months.

My son would fit. His issues are not primarily substances or conduct issues, although these have been a concern. He has mental illness diagnoses, developmental issues, wiring issues (drug exposed, early neglect and deprivation).

Yes, SWOT. Some are excellent. But every one of them assumes you are dealing with a single diagnosis. As soon as you are dealing with a combination of, say, mental illness + Asperger's... there is nothing out there.

The thing is more that I know and trust each of you. I do not think I have it in me to do this again. I came to CD desperate. I do not know if I can find that place in myself again or want to.

Looking at our situation from the P.E. perspective (detaching, boundaries) helped me to a point, but my son lacks (still) the maturity and possibly capacity to really handle stuff alone. He has worn out his welcome everywhere and seems to be starting to get it that he needs us and has to moderate his aggressivity and manipulation. So far, I have been little receptive to changing back to the old me. I need a place where I can find some of my softness and openness again. It is not that detaching was not a good thing for then, but I need more tools. To be in conversation with parents who are in a similar situation would be enormously helpful to me.

Just like the FOO forum, it would be helpful to have a dedicated space to go and to watch.

COPA

 

[Copabanana]

Any suggestions for what we call this new forum?

Below seem to be the operative descriptors.

complex

combination

complex mental health and developmental challenges

I think I vote for this.

PE forum was supposed to be for issues not dealing with substance abuse issues.

I find PE focused on issues of conduct. There is also the assumption that if not for drug use or other poor decisions, the adult child would or could decide to live differently and better.

without the current biases

There is a moral bias, at least it seems so to me.

That outlook has been helpful to me to a point. It has been less helpful because of the very real reasons my son cannot (yet) do this and may always be limited in this way. I need help with this.

There are real losses that have to be dealt with. Not to mention that our children require us to be present to them in a way that others may not. We have to find the strength somewhere to deal with this.

The assumption on PE is that the kids are truly adult. With the maturity and skills to be able to handle life on their own.

Yes. Well said, Insane. I would appreciate a focus on adult children, who should mature but for whatever reason cannot be so. That is what causes us the most exquisite of pains. And what sets us and our children apart from the other PE parents.

Thank you Insane for identifying this excellent and needed resource and thank you RB and others for your support.

COPA

 

[BusynMember]

I think that there is rightly a feeling that if we dont enable bad choices such as substance abuse this is better for the adult child. I desperately agree.
On the other hand I hsve a son on the autism spectrum who is clean and sober and works very hard but can not be 100 percent on his own. He cant always make decisions on his own. Not he wont. He cant. If he had been throen out for not being able to say support himself completrly, I shudder to think about it his different way of thinking would have made that impossible.
The same dynamic goes for schizophrenics who are psychotic or those who have very low iqs. They do need help and may be unable or unwillingly to live at home but tough love wont help them. Ditto for brain damage.
Not all adult children who behave badly can learn to do better. Some cant. So other solutions rather than tough love are better options.
I think this may be where the need is. One size doesnt fit all. A drug addict and a schizophrenic are apples and oranges. Just one example.