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[Triedntrue]

I know exactly what you mean. I also find it difficult. My husband just assumes it is a lie or trying to get something. I guess its like the old fable about the boy who cried wolf they lie so much no one believes them anymore. That is the consequence they must face for lying.

In case you don't know it

The Boy Who Cried Wolf

There once was a shepherd boy who was bored as he sat on the hillside watching the village sheep. To amuse himself he took a great breath and sang out, "Wolf! Wolf! The Wolf is chasing the sheep!"

The villagers came running up the hill to help the boy drive the wolf away. But when they arrived at the top of the hill, they found no wolf. The boy laughed at the sight of their angry faces.

"Don't cry 'wolf', shepherd boy," said the villagers, "when there's no wolf!" They went grumbling back down the hill.

Later, the boy sang out again, "Wolf! Wolf! The wolf is chasing the sheep!" To his naughty delight, he watched the villagers run up the hill to help him drive the wolf away.

When the villagers saw no wolf they sternly said, "Save your frightened song for when there is really something wrong! Don't cry 'wolf' when there is NO wolf!"

But the boy just grinned and watched them go grumbling down the hill once more.

Later, he saw a REAL wolf prowling about his flock. Alarmed, he leaped to his feet and sang out as loudly as he could, "Wolf! Wolf!"

But the villagers thought he was trying to fool them again, and so they didn't come.

At sunset, everyone wondered why the shepherd boy hadn't returned to the village with their sheep. They went up the hill to find the boy. They found him weeping.

"There really was a wolf here! The flock has scattered! I cried out, "Wolf!" Why didn't you come?"

An old man tried to comfort the boy as they walked back to the village.

"We'll help you look for the lost sheep in the morning," he said, putting his arm around the youth, "Nobody believes a liar...even when he is telling the truth!"



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[WearyinCanada]

Thanks triedandtrue ...very well versed in that fable I agree for sure.

 

[elizabrary]

I told my daughter the lack of trust I had in her and not believing her were consequences based on past experience with her. That's the price they pay until they build up trust again.

 

[RPmom]

Oh...I guarantee i dont know everything about his circumstances. In fact, i generally assume he is lying to me...based on the past, and provable lies.

I harbour so much anger towards him....for wasted opportunities, for taking advantage of every family member who has ever believed he would pay back money, for blaming me for all of his problems, for how he treats my mother. There is SO much work for him to do for me to even believe things are changing...I have lots of hope but no faith in him I feel guilty for saying that.

I share nothing about our lives with him, as it always gets thrown back in my face...if I have things or spend money, it should be on him...I'm certain he feels this way.

I was not supportive of him and his 18 yr old girlfriend (of a couple months) choosing to get pregnant....not without a job, or means of supporting themselves. She moved back in with her parents and they broke up. He holds this against me, and BUT FOR ME, would have his son in his life....I know this is not true.

I have him constantly on my mind...when I eat (is he hungry)...when I turn up the heat (is he cold)...when I buy Christmas presents (how can I be happy?)....I KNOW things are only going to get worse. He feels that the answer to all of his problems is me....if I would change, he would change ...i dont understand this.

I can feel your pain from what you say. It’s my life, too. The lying, manipulating. We want to save them but they seem to be killing our heart. I’m so sorry you are going through this. I’m new here too. I think I’ve earned bored reading these posts that in the 12 years of going to therapist.