One of those sleepless nights and sadness-filled mornings

[Scent of Cedar *]

if
he's not then I can share the coffee and pastries with some other mothers' cold sons

These are extraordinary actions on your part, Lucy.

Truly an honor, to read this, to know that you did this, to know that such kindness is happening in the world.

It brightens my day, and leaves me feeling more generous, too.

Like it is okay to believe that we matter, that the smallest actions we take can matter, can make things so much brighter.

It is hard to remember that. There is so much bad news, and sometimes it seems hopeless.

We can change things, can create generosity and gratitude.

The forest was a magical place yesterday morning. Everything was covered in a thick frost and it
was a bit like driving into Narnia.

I can picture it.

Time out of time.

The mud was thick past the gates so I abandoned my car and walked the half mile to the derelict
farmhouse in my wellies. My son was there, with around 10 others, they had a good log fire going
in the makeshift stove and the air was thick with smoke. I felt very welcome, especially as I had
come bearing pastries!

:O)

I stayed for 2 hours and had mixed thoughts as I
left, but we agreed that I would drive there againon Dec 27th and bring him here for a couple of
days so he can see his sisters

This is such a human thing ~ the being confused and angry and sad and yet, wanting so much to see those faces we love.

I am glad you will all be together near the holiday. Anticipation will make this time of year easier for him, I think.

And after you were gone, there were the socks.

:O)

Wishing you such a nice day, Lucy.

Cedar

 

[recoveringenabler]

Thanks Lucy. Your description of the day was so vivid and clear, I could "feel" it along with you. It was a good day, one of those we can be grateful for. Your son is living "his truth."

Your presence and your love were the most valuable gifts you could give. I think that't true for all of us. Well done.

 

[Childofmine]

Ah Lucy. I'm so glad to hear of your day.

And you know something, I can totally see your son's viewpoint. I have similar thoughts and feelings about certain issues---an aside---my new husband and I sit at the kitchen table every morning after I get back from exercise and read two papers. Usually I get all wound up about something. We have a standing joke about my "taking the bench" as I sit on a little bench on one side of the table instead of a chair. Sometimes I can stop and hear myself rant about something and I have to shake myself to get some perspective and stop.

Of course the world serves up many disappointments and stresses and frustrations...if only everybody would do things like WE would have them done.

And it also serves up so many joys and so much love. And of course, it's not about us and what we want solely.

I am an activist at heart so your son's story stirs something within me. Over my life, I have been able to step back from the youthful version of myself and gain that perspective.

I still wish things were fair for everybody.
I still wish Ferguson, Missouri didn't happen.
I still wish poor people made more money...a living wage.
I still wish a whole lot of things.

God Bless Him. I wish he could get what he needs to come back to society and do what he can to make a difference in this world as we need people like him who care deeply.

I also understand that is up to him.

You are a great Mom, Lucy. Always know what.

You are love personified, and I believe that you are the best of what God hopes for all of us.

Warm hugs today, dear friend across the Pond.

 

[Tanya M]

Lucy, I admire your efforts and am glad that you were able to spend some time with him.

I hope you are able to get a better nights rest tonight.

 

[Lil]

How nice that you went and had a good visit. I'm sure that everyone appreciated what you did and while sad, they may be truthful, a lot of parents wouldn't do it.

He said he feels so angry all the time and wants to take direct action against various things that make him angry - the government, fracking, commercial companies, water companies, banks, ... the list is endless. He's angry about pretty much everything and says the world is f***ed and it's on a course to self-destruction. He says his life isn't important.

This is scary. I hope the group of people he's with are someone level-headed as this kind of thinking is what can be so easily twisted from activism to terrorism. My own son has voiced some odd political views at times. Odd for me at least. I'm very much old-school and was raised in a very patriotic household. My father fought in WWII. To hear my son talk of not trusting the banks and conspiracy theories freaks me right the hell out.

I wish there was some way to brainwash them to "normal".

But for now, you know he is okay and safe and staying the course, strange as the course may be...and you have plans for a future visit. All good things.

 

[nlj]

I'm not sure how to respond to your post Lil. I see most of the group's anger and frustration as being the anger and frustration of youth. They've rejected a conformist way of life that perpetuates the injustices that they percieve in society. I can relate to a lot of their views. The trouble is that they have idealistic, unrealistic views of how society should be. Terrorism I see as being driven by religious zealotry. They certainly wouldn't be capable of anything like that. Activism has traditionally been the domain of disillusioned, displaced youth. Positive activism can bring about positive change.

I wish he could get what he needs to come back to society and do what he can to make a difference in this world as we need people like him who care deeply.

These are my thoughts too. I spoke these thoughts, or similar, to my son. Opting out and sitting in a treehouse feeling angry isn't doing anything positive. In order to improve injustice in society you have to do it from the inside, not the outside. I hope he will grow up and see this for himself and find a way to live in a way that sits cleanly with his conscience but that brings him back into society to do something worthwhile. He sees everything through a red mist at the moment. He knows that anger and aggression will not solve anything. He just can't see past this. This contributes to his depressive episodes. He can't see past his view of the world as a dystopian cesspit of corruption, unfairness and suffering. Living as he does, he has become even more removed from reality. This worries me a lot. They are trying to create a utopia, but they are living on a cold, muddy derelict farm, which certainly isn't my image of utopia. I just have to ride with it and hope that he will come back some day.

 

[Lil]

I'm not sure how to respond to your post Lil. I see most of the group's anger and frustration as being the anger and frustration of youth. They've rejected a conformist way of life that perpetuates the injustices that they percieve in society. I can relate to a lot of their views. The trouble is that they have idealistic, unrealistic views of how society should be. Terrorism I see as being driven by religious zealotry. They certainly wouldn't be capable of anything like that. Activism has traditionally been the domain of disillusioned, displaced youth. Positive activism can bring about positive change.

I was thinking more of the Eco terrorist type organizations; people who sabotage the machines of lumber companies or hack into government databases or take other actions that end up with them in jail, having decided they have to do something to "wake people up"...not necessarily hurting people or blowing up buildings. I'm sorry if I upset you with my thought.

Extremism of any type tends to be a bad thing - JMO.

Your son's situation sounds more like a hippie commune to me. Not a way I'd like to live, but not without it's merits. At least, they are looking out for one another to some extent. It's just such a pity that people can't look past the bad in the world (and there's a lot) and see how much good really is out there.

 

[nlj]

I was thinking more of the Eco terrorist type organizations; people who sabotage the machines of lumber companies or hack into government databases or take other actions that end up with them in jail, having decided they have to do something to "wake people up"...not necessarily hurting people or blowing up buildings.

Yes, this sort of thing worries me too, especially alongside his comments that he feels his own life isn't important and that it doesn't matter what happens to him. If you stop caring what happens to you then you no longer consider consequences. If I follow those thoughts for too long I start panicking about him. They don't have the resouces to do anything serious though. They don't even have running water or electricity or sanitation. They have plenty of mud though, I brought a load back in and on my car .

 

[Albatross]

Aw Lucy, it was such a joy to read about your visit with your son. I can't even imagine what a treat those pastries were on a cold, snowy day. How wonderful, to know you have a mother who loves you so much. I am hopeful that your son will maybe see that although we can't fix the world, the act of trying is a good antidote for that impotent rage we feel sometimes. Your son seems such a sweet and sensitive soul.

 

[BusynMember]

Lucy, I feel you are an AMAZING mother.

And your son has a heart, something so many of our difficult children lack. He is a good person. He cares. You'd have to live in the U.S. to understand how disinterested the majority of our young people are in our own country, let alone the world. Since the 60's and the very short and not-very-pervasive Occupy Wallstreet movement, most of our young people don't even vote. This year I asked Jumper if she was going to vote as she turned eighteen.

Jumper: (laughing) Mom, I don't care about politics. No.

37 has opinions but doesn't vote.

Julie is like Jumper. Not interested. "They're all crazy. None of them care about us." He has no strong political views, but does develop interest in conflicts/combat. Still he doesn't vote.

Sonic: "Oh...it's election day? I mean, I'd rather not go but if you want me to you can take me, but tell me who to vote for." (He is not so disabled he could not understand politics).

I'm the only one in my family interested in our country and the world. My husband is a ten year vet and he doesn't vote. Never has. "They're all crazy."

It is too bad your son does not put his idealism to good use. He could make a difference, even if he just decided to counsel young people who needed help. Maybe he can adopt a child in need as a single father, like we did. Hey, every small step matters. Maybe he will one day. I have hope for him. Where there is a good heart, there is definitely a chance that it will turned out for the good of mankind.

 

[nlj]

Jumper: (laughing) Mom, I don't care about politics. No.
37 has opinions but doesn't vote.
Julie is like Jumper. Not interested. "They're all crazy. None of them care about us." He has no strong political views, but does develop interest in conflicts/combat. Still he doesn't vote.
Sonic: "Oh...it's election day? I mean, I'd rather not go but if you want me to you can take me, but tell me who to vote for." (He is not so disabled he could not understand politics).
I'm the only one in my family interested in our country and the world. My husband is a ten year vet and he doesn't vote. Never has. "They're all crazy."

We have the history of the 'Votes for Women' campaigns here in the UK. The story of the Pankhurst family in the 19th Century made a big impression on me as a teenager. I always used to say to my kids (and still do), that if someone decided to withdraw your right to vote that you would be outraged. What if it was decided that women could not vote, or men over the age of 50 could not vote, or African Americans could not vote, or gay people could not vote or people with red hair could not vote. You should vote out of principle, otherwise what did those 19th century women suffer for?

You could suggest that your kids (and husband) read about the Pankhursts and their struggle for the right to vote.

(I'll get down off my soapbox now )