Carolita2
Member
Thanks COPA..The dad caved in and did another month with phone..4 years..do you have contact?
Phone or no phone?
- Thread starter Carolita2
- Start date
New Leaf
Well-Known Member
Hi Carolita
Yes, I am that kind of mom. As my daughter walked out the door, I had to fight with all of my might, my heart against my head. I know by experience with her, that there is nothing I can do to help her. She simply must help herself. I am not willing to go down that road with her, that is what happens when she is home. She takes all of us down.
Rather, the question,"What kind of adult child abuses the kindness and love and health of their parent? My husbands health is deteriorating. He was hospitalized two years in a row, for heart infection, a life threatening condition. He was home, each time, with six weeks of antibiotic intravenous treatment. Where was our daughter?
On the streets, getting high. Where was our other daughter? Partying.
This is not an ordinary situation, and it takes extraordinary strength to deal with. It is a one way street, their way. The more we gave, the more they took and expected, and blamed. The more heartfelt we suffered, the more heartless they became. What kind of adult child, does this?
An addicted adult child. I had to stop myself from going down guilts road, as I sent my disheveled daughter out the door. She does not want help. She wants to live in my home and continue to use, drugs and us. Not acceptable,both of those two things, are unacceptable.
You have given him his wings, and he will learn how to use them because he must.
You will not be here on this earth forever to pick up the pieces.
We will get through this Carolita, one day at a a time.
So will our d cs.
It is because we have to carry on, and so do they.
We will, and so will they.
Peace and love to you,too,
(((HUGS)))
leafy
I am glad you are making use of tools to help you navigate. It is good to have. I, too have found CD to be extremely helpful, with my son and his activities, it is convenient for me to be able to vent and discuss here.
My daughters are the same. I think it is what keeps us in the cycle, the "woe is me" part. The truth is, we will not be around forever to pick up the pieces, so having them learn to fend for themselves is a gift to them.
Ahhhh guilt, it is the weapon used to keep our Mama heart strings pulled tight to this thing-enabling. I am that kind of mother, Carolita. I am not offended by the question. I have asked it of myself a thousand times. I have asked it as much as my d cs have blamed me for their choices. Hubs and I went through some difficult times. I made mistakes in my parenting, as we all do, being imperfect humans. My d cs pounce on this, pointing fingers and lamenting. My other children say "Mom, we had some rough times, but who doesn't? We are okay, you did the best you could do." I had dinner with my young son last night and he was talking about paddling and how one of the kids was talking about my coaching style, how it was positive. My son remarked that I was his mother to this group of boys chatting. The boy said "Your mom is different, she is herself and such a happy coach, your family life must be wonderful." My son looked down. I told him he doesn't have to let everyone know what is happening with his sisters, but if he does, thats okay too. It is hard on him. He his mad and sad and worried.
Yes, I am that kind of mom. As my daughter walked out the door, I had to fight with all of my might, my heart against my head. I know by experience with her, that there is nothing I can do to help her. She simply must help herself. I am not willing to go down that road with her, that is what happens when she is home. She takes all of us down.
Rather, the question,"What kind of adult child abuses the kindness and love and health of their parent? My husbands health is deteriorating. He was hospitalized two years in a row, for heart infection, a life threatening condition. He was home, each time, with six weeks of antibiotic intravenous treatment. Where was our daughter?
On the streets, getting high. Where was our other daughter? Partying.
This is not an ordinary situation, and it takes extraordinary strength to deal with. It is a one way street, their way. The more we gave, the more they took and expected, and blamed. The more heartfelt we suffered, the more heartless they became. What kind of adult child, does this?
An addicted adult child. I had to stop myself from going down guilts road, as I sent my disheveled daughter out the door. She does not want help. She wants to live in my home and continue to use, drugs and us. Not acceptable,both of those two things, are unacceptable.
Yes Carolita, protect your heart, physically and spiritually. Literally and figuratively.
You have given him his wings, and he will learn how to use them because he must.
You will not be here on this earth forever to pick up the pieces.
I am glad you see this Carolita, that helping is an illusion. They would have us helping forever. Truthfully, the helping only helps them to continue making these bad, bad choices.
I hope you are able to remedy this, it is good to have solutions.
It is okay, we all have to be able to look in the mirror. It is a kindness on your part.
Yes, it is how it works. Continue posting and sharing, it helps others too, you know. We are all on different stages on this journey. When I read new posts from folks telling of their struggle, I am reminded of myself, and my decisions. When I reply, it helps to bolster me, in my resolve.
We will get through this Carolita, one day at a a time.
So will our d cs.
It is because we have to carry on, and so do they.
We will, and so will they.
Peace and love to you,too,
(((HUGS)))
leafy
Carolita2
Member
Thanks for feed leafy.. of course it is sad for your son...more things this, I call it a disease, takes away from everyone.
But I do far more detaching when I'm frustrated than sad..And it's true, we can turn it around, the guilt and look at it all more objectively..we had a counselor that after my son did something outrageous. Think it was jump up and down on the roof of our csr, what would you do if your neighbor did that to you? Answer, call the police and we did...that'd,a hard call to make..
But you know," feel the fear and do it anyway". Uncomfortable but when thought through, we see the wisdom.
Son ref'd to leave apt.Property management left us as messsge.girlfriend's dad may pay 2 weeks..We are done..but powerless over what he does..my son texted, still blamming everyone else, actually texted, you want to se me on the street..
Heart started racing again this am. no hospital. Broke after 2 hours.didn'f get enough sleep.
Thst's the update so far..
A,gif: my mind is resistant to thinkING about them, self preservation.
In love and peace..
In my country there us a easier solution phones well you get those anywhere but the thing you are speaking about is subscription to telephone company. We some options in my country so you pay for the person to talk for a month on his phone he has access to messages and even internet if he has the right phone. He can talk how much he wants depending on the option he chooses but after the month is over he can't do anything of course but he can receive calls forever and you can recharge the phone whenever you want of you want you are not obligated to pay anything only if you want.
Now I do not know if there still is in USA because of the anonymity it gives you but you should check.
Now I do not know if there still is in USA because of the anonymity it gives you but you should check.
Carolita2
Member
Hi Apple, It's been awhile since I've seen you post.. Just wanted to say hello..
xxcarolita
AppleCori
Well-Known Member
Hi Carolita,
I've been busy this week!
I'm in for the night, now, though. Lots of snow coming down. Hubby is gone for the weekend on his annual hunting trip with his brother, so I get to do the snow removal in the morning. Six to nine inches!
How is your heart/your health? The heart racing is concerning.
Did girlfriend's father pay for the apartment rent?
Apple
I've been busy this week!
I'm in for the night, now, though. Lots of snow coming down. Hubby is gone for the weekend on his annual hunting trip with his brother, so I get to do the snow removal in the morning. Six to nine inches!
How is your heart/your health? The heart racing is concerning.
Did girlfriend's father pay for the apartment rent?
Apple
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Carolita2
Member
Wow heard that mid west was getting it. Is it the first snow? Can you weild a snowblower?
No father did not pay rent..
girlfriend in bed with migraine, son got job but lack of ID he was told to come back when he get it. He applied but waiting for card..Everything is that way..with them. I have to stay away it is so frustrating to watch sometimes.
I look like a suicide bomber wired up with the monitor and, a receiver on my belt..it started playing music in the store today and I had trouble turning it off!
I am taking a short break from the website, I have so much work to catch up on..And I am feeling lIke I just can't think about my son right now..A new feeling..It absolutely exhausts me right now..
Glad to hear from you..Stay warm and good luck with the snow removal.
xoxcarolita
GoingNorth
Crazy Cat Lady
Not a problem, Kathy. The only reason I know about it is that a friend of mine who was on food stamps at that time, signed up for one of the phones as soon as they became available, so I knew it was during Bush's term.
I agree that it's a great idea. As a sidelight, the "Bush Phone" uses Verizon's network, so it's also got darned good coverage in addition to being very economical.
My friend no longer uses the Bush phone, but it was a godsend for her at the time.
People also need to remember that ANY cellphone will work to call 911, even if it isn't on a plan. That law passed during Bush's administration as well.
So, worst case scenario, give your kid an old cellphone and charger, and so long as the phone is kept charged, they at least have a way to call 911 in an emergency.
