Please share your stories about how you were able to tell your difficult children "NO"

[DammitJanet]

What is it about 15 months? Thats when we noticed a huge difference in our two youngest boys...lol. I had really good babies and even when they were older we never had bedtime issues with them.

I have worked extremely hard on understanding that my difficult child isnt me even if we are much alike.

Cedar, when I said we would take everyone back in I dont mean I would like it. And it would have to be a major issue involved. Because of Cory's physical issues we have always known he might end up very disabled and not being able to live alone. At the present time I dont believe we would take him back in unless he was completely unable to leave the house on his own. With Jamie I dont believe it would ever come to that but there are times I worry about his job like when the government shut down. If he lost his job he would most likely lose his house but maybe not because I think he would dig ditches or flip burgers before coming down here. However if all else failed we would take him and his family in. Right now the only one I am happy they are here as much as she is is Monkey. I would take her in a New York Minute. I cant say the same thing about the Mouse. She is simply too hard for me to handle. Of course a 7 year old is easier than a 2 year old but Monkey was a much easier toddler than her sister. We all know how I feel about having siblings...ie Buck come live here. No way again, I will force Tony to leave and find somewhere else to live with him. I have also said that about the Mouse if something were to happen and she ended up in foster care. I am not willing to be the place she comes. This is a big issue right now because Tony says he will quit his job to take care of her. He wasnt willing to quit his job to take care of me. Jamie has already said he is willing to take Mouse in and I think that is where she goes. I will hate to say it but I will sabotage any way that social services would place Mouse with us by telling every bad thing about us.

 

[Tiredof33]

I felt I said "No" to difficult child when he was younger so, so often. More often than the others. It was the whole "do to get". He didn't get that concept, he resented us, took what he wanted, and hated us with every pore, you know? It got worse as he got older. We were sad, horrified and continued the cycle where were bullied because we loved him. We loved him and were always freshl y heartbroken when he upped his game, he was smart, he played us well. I had gotten some good advice...it was this "How many other kids do you have? Oh you have more, well thank goodness." At that point he became lost to me. I backed off until he fixed his own life. I was sad but, you know, I can't just stand there while he ruined us all. He was 18 but he was this way at 4. It was his wake up call and he thanks me for doing it now. The option of mommy and daddy taking care of things was'off the table. Once he knew it, he did what he had to. Your difficult child still uses "mommy and daddy will fix things" as his first option, he ups his game each time and curses the hand that feeds him. C'mon let him get on with his life.

This is EXACTLY they way my difficult child is!!! I felt like I tried everything and they more I tried the more defiant he was. Mine had been better and I thought he was finally growing into a responsible adult, until the ecomony took a turn for the worse. he was laid off 4 times in one year and at the same time got involved with the girl friend from h***. The conns and lies started all over again. I think he may have been worse than ever before, this time girlie played a part in the conns. When I found out about the lies and they were using my money to party something in me snapped. THANK GOODNESS!!!!
In the midst of threats of suicide and it would be my fault he was in prison for stealing I completed backed away.
After a year of no contact he text me recently. He is working and I honestly feel he is doing much better than when I was trying to 'help'.
I'm sure there is still drugs and alcohol, but not with my money. He recently asked me to join twitter and I checked it out. His posts were of their concert trips and a picture of the girlie (close to 40yo) in a black outfit and face paint like The Nightmare Before Christmas lol.
This is my son, this is his life, mine is calmer and more enjoyable than it has been in decades. I don't see him changing very much and it strikes me as very strange how immature and irresponsible he and girlie are. My son simply does not learn from his mistakes.
I wish I had been able to step back much sooner than I had, I thought I was, but I had a lot of guilt and fell for his manipulation.
I am at the point that I have not sent Christmas or birthday gifts for 2 years, I have no address to send a gift and I refuse to send money to be used for drugs. Detachment is a life saver, OURS!!!!!