Calamity Jane
Well-Known Member
That's an interesting observation, Mrsammler. So true.
Pot is a gateway drug for many
- Thread starter Nancy
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T
toughlovin
Guest
I think what you say is so true.... problem of course is figuring out how to get our difficult children to do anything, something!!! At some point they need help figuring that out but they won't listen to their parents....which is so frustrating.
TL
TL
That is interesting. The most successful sober houses around here are those that are highly structured and does not allow any idle time for the residents. Their day is completely booked and monitored and they are exected to fill any void time helping in the community or at other sober houses.
This does bring up the fact that perhaps the programs that currently exist to help addicts are not the right ones, or at least that we need a much different program for many of our addicts.
I believe what you are saying is very true for my difficult child. She has never been able to comform to the mundane activities of everyday life that the rest of us find fulfilling and worthwhile.
Nancy
This does bring up the fact that perhaps the programs that currently exist to help addicts are not the right ones, or at least that we need a much different program for many of our addicts.
I believe what you are saying is very true for my difficult child. She has never been able to comform to the mundane activities of everyday life that the rest of us find fulfilling and worthwhile.
Nancy
AnnieO
Shooting from the Hip
The biggest problem with the time when addicts are released from rehab and "come home" (in many cases) is that home is unable to provide the extreme structure. In our case we are supposed to have a specific schedule for Onyxx. But - husband and I both work - who is going to enforce this schedule during summer break? That's right, no one. And unless Onyxx can find herself a job with regular hours (jobs for teenagers are notoriously bad at this) and other things to fill her day - we're going to go right back to where we were, Know what I mean?? Onyxx absolutely thrives on the structure. But when there is no one to enforce it... There is no structure.
gottaloveem
Active Member
I just want to add RX drugs to the mix. I have been told by local law enforcement and local addiction specialists that RX drugs are quickly replacing pot as the first drug kids will try.
Love,
Lia
Love,
Lia
S
Signorina
Guest
The structure thing is a very interesting point. My difficult child THRIVES on structure. Or at least he did. In fact, even as a 2.5 yo toddler - he would have trouble adjusting back into the day care routine after a 3 day weekend or vacation. Even as a HS student, his schedule was always very structured - school, practice, homework, dinner. He worked on Saturday & Sunday mornings 6 to noon (Einstein bagels) and was NEVER late for work despite being exhausted. In fact he kept that job over the summer when he worked landscape (going into his freshman year of college) - basically working 7 days a week.
Going into his junior year in HS- he had a brush with experimentation. At that point our life had been very unstructured (for us)-my dad had just died & I was reeling, we moved into our new house which was still under construction, H was adjusting to working from home, and difficult child was acting as our "summer nanny" -driving his younger brothers around, etc. We were flying by the seat of our pants, and it was not a healthy thing for our family. When everything hit the fan with- difficult child- we closed ranks and I made sure I was home when the boys got out of school, dinner was on the table at 6:30 every night and chores were assigned and enforced and we did a lot of hanging out at home. He thrived.
As a college student away from home - he had way too much idle time. I think the lack of structure was a huge contributor to his downfall. I have to admit - it was not a good thing for me either when I was his age. I took a year off and then went back to school as a commuter student, close to home and worked 20-30 hours a week. Those were my most successful years as a student. Want something done? Give it to a busy person- Know what I mean??
Going into his junior year in HS- he had a brush with experimentation. At that point our life had been very unstructured (for us)-my dad had just died & I was reeling, we moved into our new house which was still under construction, H was adjusting to working from home, and difficult child was acting as our "summer nanny" -driving his younger brothers around, etc. We were flying by the seat of our pants, and it was not a healthy thing for our family. When everything hit the fan with- difficult child- we closed ranks and I made sure I was home when the boys got out of school, dinner was on the table at 6:30 every night and chores were assigned and enforced and we did a lot of hanging out at home. He thrived.
As a college student away from home - he had way too much idle time. I think the lack of structure was a huge contributor to his downfall. I have to admit - it was not a good thing for me either when I was his age. I took a year off and then went back to school as a commuter student, close to home and worked 20-30 hours a week. Those were my most successful years as a student. Want something done? Give it to a busy person- Know what I mean??
Calamity Jane
Well-Known Member
I haven't yet attended AA/NA meetings, so perhaps the terms, "personal exceptionalism" and "terminal uniqueness" are familiar to most of you. It was a revelation to me. If you haven't heard these phrases, google them and you may recognize and identify substance using difficult child behaviors that are ingrained in an addict's delusional way of thinking, and why they seem so pathetic at times. They're drowning in quicksand, but embracing and stalwartly defending the quicksand at the same time.
I first heard the expression terminal uniqueness from Dr. Drew. If you've ever seen Celebrity Rehab it strikes you how immature the adult (even senior!) participants have remained, even though they may have achieved great success or notoriety in their field. They fight with each other like they're in middle school. They can't maintain a functional, normal lifestyle with so-called boring, predictable routines, because their entire existence, from the time they became dependant or addicted, revolves around the pursuit of their substance of choice, and the construction of a delusion to justify their pursuit. Family and love are crowded out of their lives, although they desperately miss these things. They flail around and play-act at emotional connectedness. I'm thinking of Signorina's post about the kite...sometimes the string gets so long, and the family is on the ground, but the kite is off in the stratosphere somewhere. That is why detachment is so hard, because we see clearly where they're headed and want desperately to intervene, but they are in a cocoon of self-delusion, which they may, at times, acknowledge is going to ruin them, but they're unwilling or unable to do the hard work to stop. Really, it's heartbreaking. Brings to mind Whitney Houston, Judy Garland. Sad, sad, sad.
I first heard the expression terminal uniqueness from Dr. Drew. If you've ever seen Celebrity Rehab it strikes you how immature the adult (even senior!) participants have remained, even though they may have achieved great success or notoriety in their field. They fight with each other like they're in middle school. They can't maintain a functional, normal lifestyle with so-called boring, predictable routines, because their entire existence, from the time they became dependant or addicted, revolves around the pursuit of their substance of choice, and the construction of a delusion to justify their pursuit. Family and love are crowded out of their lives, although they desperately miss these things. They flail around and play-act at emotional connectedness. I'm thinking of Signorina's post about the kite...sometimes the string gets so long, and the family is on the ground, but the kite is off in the stratosphere somewhere. That is why detachment is so hard, because we see clearly where they're headed and want desperately to intervene, but they are in a cocoon of self-delusion, which they may, at times, acknowledge is going to ruin them, but they're unwilling or unable to do the hard work to stop. Really, it's heartbreaking. Brings to mind Whitney Houston, Judy Garland. Sad, sad, sad.
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