Question For Those Further Down the Path Than Me

[Tanya M]

the pattern is that your daughter is nice when you do what she wants and cruel if you dont sustain her when she demands it.

I think this is on page of the Adult Difficult Child handbook!

Several ladies this weekend suggested that I be the positive one and send cards or in some way reach out to her. I'm a little afraid to do that because ii feel like I'm opening the door for more hurt when I don't do what she wants

I understand your friends mean well but listen to your gut. This can be dangerous waters. Many times with my son when I would reach out he would interpret it that he could again start asking for money and help and when I would turn him down I was the recipient of his rage and hatefulness.

I have no doubt that you will get through this. Notice, I did not say get over this, but through this.

Dealing with our adult difficult children is not something we will ever "get over" but we can and should continue to live our own lives and that helps us get through it.

The shock, the pain, the tears, they do lessen over time. When I found out my son was once again in jail, it made me sad of course but I was able to process it and move on really within a matter of minutes. I was able to share here on this site about him being back in jail and that small thing, just being able to share it with people who "really get it" is such a gift to my spirit.

 

[BusynMember]

I think this is on page of the Adult Difficult Child handbook!


I understand your friends mean well but listen to your gut. This can be dangerous waters. Many times with my son when I would reach out he would interpret it that he could again start asking for money and help and when I would turn him down I was the recipient of his rage and hatefulness.

I have no doubt that you will get through this. Notice, I did not say get over this, but through this.

Dealing with our adult difficult children is not something we will ever "get over" but we can and should continue to live our own lives and that helps us get through it.

The shock, the pain, the tears, they do lessen over time. When I found out my son was once again in jail, it made me sad of course but I was able to process it and move on really within a matter of minutes. I was able to share here on this site about him being back in jail and that small thing, just being able to share it with people who "really get it" is such a gift to my spirit.

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[BusynMember]

That little saying is so true. After over ten years of not seeing Goneboy I can think about him (and dont very often), remember better times when he was a child, and smell the roses at the same time. I would not want him back because I do not want to go through the grieving part if he did it again and if he did it once he is capable of doing it again. Plus, i forgive him, but my family is a solid bond and he chose not to be in it. There would be much grumbling if he suddrnly came back. He lost too much time and hurt us too much. Forgiving isnt forgetting.

I dont know him anymore. I do t wanf to know his wife. I dont want grandchildren he csn take away in his misconstrued anger.

I like the peace and joy that comes with acceptance. No more drama for me. I think that chapter with Goneboy is over. And i came out stronger and in the end happier.