Okie girl, rest in this: No news is good news. I used to drive myself nuts with the not knowing.
But the police are so very resourceful. I used to get knocks on the door and there were the police, looking for Difficult Child. Even though he hasn't lived here in years. They do their legwork and they find the old addresses, and they come looking.
Living with the awful not-knowing....that is the hardest thing of all.
There is so much we will never know about the lives of our DCs.
My Difficult Child was homeless multiple times, for long periods of time, in the town where I live and in another city four hours away. At Christmas and in the coldest time of the year.
I learned to live with it. I had no choice because nothing I ever tried to do made any kind of difference.
I had to change myself. I could not change him. Lord knows, I did every single thing under the shining sun to try to get him to change.
Today...he is doing SO much better. In fact, let me share a phone conversation he and I had yesterday:
"Well Mom I am trying to get my bank account set back up. I have been to the credit union yesterday and now today...because Dad gave me for my birthday the payment for my old accounts, the money I owed the bank...and they said it went through...but the credit union still isn't showing it paid. I'm so frustrated because now they have to mail my checks instead of direct deposit them. But I did tell them that once we do get it all set up, every time a check comes in...to take some money out automatically and put into a savings account. I don't know how much I can afford to save right now, Mom, but I want to save something from each check."
Okie girl, I truly thought I would never hear words like that from my Difficult Child. Never. He was so far gone. He was ugly and awful and hateful and cussing me out and didn't care and on the street and using drugs and everything...everything awful.
Now...he is sweet and kind and working two jobs and trying to go back to school and not calling me very often...it has turned around. I am still...cautiously optimistic. It's been a year as of June 26. More than a year now. But he taught me well. I know that things can turn on a dime. I am cautiously optimistic and I have to watch myself...not to get too involved...too engaged....to whatever.
Do you know..can you even begin to imagine...how thankful I am that he is talking like this? You want to jump for joy and rush in to clear away any obstacle for a person who is trying so hard.
But Okie Girl...that's just it...it's HIM clearing away his own obstacles that is doing the healing and the growing and the assuming of responsibility. If I do it..I rob him of the chance to become a mature adult...of the person he is meant to be...of learning that he can count on himself.
That is why I have to continue to stand back and stand down...and to be vigilant...not with him...but with myself.
Hang in there. There is hope. Right now, in the unknowing time...focus on yourself. Give yourself the energy and time you deserve to grow and heal. We're here for you.
