Relapse again
- Thread starter RN0441
- Start date
BusynMember
Well-Known Member
No. He can talk to dad. He handles it better. Its not like he is cut off from both of you.You need to relax.
Bless you much. Your son will be fine.
Bless you much. Your son will be fine.
Albatross
Well-Known Member
There is no right or wrong when dealing with this situation, RN. You should do whatever makes you feel comfortable. You have nothing to feel guilty about.
This is such a lot for anyone to deal with. How are things going with your therapist? Will you be able to meet soon to discuss his relapse?
This is such a lot for anyone to deal with. How are things going with your therapist? Will you be able to meet soon to discuss his relapse?
mof
Momdidntsignupforthis
If he can contact you, then he will try and push the right buttons. You have just limited his choices...and dad has the mantra down....there is. Nothing else to do.
You have given him time to digest that you are not coming to the rescue. Now it's truly on him.
Stay strong..your not alone..continued blessings
You have given him time to digest that you are not coming to the rescue. Now it's truly on him.
Stay strong..your not alone..continued blessings
FlowerGarden
Active Member
Sorry to hear what you are going through. Blocking him was the right thing to do. He still has access to your husband. When you are feeling up to it you can easily unblock. Every time my son threatened suicide, we called the police who then had him brought to the ER. He finally learned to stop threatening.
RN0441
100% better than I was but not at 100% yet
Albie
I see her on Thursday. It is so weird. This happened last time on a Friday right after I saw her so then have to wait an entire week again. UGH.
Ladies thanks for agreeing it was okay to block him. I just feel like I must do this.
I think the suicide talk was to control me. He doesn't say that to his dad. I'm sure he's frustrated, angry etc. but he needs to hit rock bottom. Not all people do, but this kid. Yes he has to. He is as stubborn as 40 mules. This is FAR from over. I have to dig my heels in.
I see her on Thursday. It is so weird. This happened last time on a Friday right after I saw her so then have to wait an entire week again. UGH.
Ladies thanks for agreeing it was okay to block him. I just feel like I must do this.
I think the suicide talk was to control me. He doesn't say that to his dad. I'm sure he's frustrated, angry etc. but he needs to hit rock bottom. Not all people do, but this kid. Yes he has to. He is as stubborn as 40 mules. This is FAR from over. I have to dig my heels in.
RN0441
100% better than I was but not at 100% yet
Son stayed at girlfriend til today. I can't believe her mother allowed it. Couch. He is supposed to find new treatment center today.
He asked husband for money for food and husband said NO. First.time. We had been giving him $50 per week for food while in treatment only. On a card where we could see what he used it for. He is now going to apply for food stamps which is what he should have been doing but we have been too kind. He thought it was beneath him, a hassle, whatever.
He asked husband for money for food and husband said NO. First.time. We had been giving him $50 per week for food while in treatment only. On a card where we could see what he used it for. He is now going to apply for food stamps which is what he should have been doing but we have been too kind. He thought it was beneath him, a hassle, whatever.
Snow White
On the Mad Tea Party Ride
Sorry to hear of this latest development, RN.
It's good that your husband is keeping up the communication (being firm) while you can block for now. I've been blocked by daughter on FB and Instagram every time there is a disagreement. I finally blocked her. She does not have our cell phone numbers - only the home phone and work #'s (sadly I can't change the work ones). I used to try and keep a step ahead of her by following her FB posts but most of those were lies, so it didn't help too much.
daughter uses the suicide threat on me but not her dad. Funny how they pick the parent they want to target. Ours hasn't hit rock bottom yet, either. You're on the right track. Stay strong and be good to yourself.
It's good that your husband is keeping up the communication (being firm) while you can block for now. I've been blocked by daughter on FB and Instagram every time there is a disagreement. I finally blocked her. She does not have our cell phone numbers - only the home phone and work #'s (sadly I can't change the work ones). I used to try and keep a step ahead of her by following her FB posts but most of those were lies, so it didn't help too much.
daughter uses the suicide threat on me but not her dad. Funny how they pick the parent they want to target. Ours hasn't hit rock bottom yet, either. You're on the right track. Stay strong and be good to yourself.
Albatross
Well-Known Member
Hoping he finds another center and is ready to do some of the hard work. As hard as it is, you are doing the right thing. Many hugs to you.
RN0441
100% better than I was but not at 100% yet
So yesterday afternoon son called and asked husband to pay for a hotel room until he starts making money. My husband said no way is he going to pay for anything while he sits on his butt. Husband told him off in anger and I was not happy about that but he said he lost it.
Son texted me last night from another phone number because I blocked him saying that you should never turn your back on family. He has no money, no gas, no food and no shelter. He did not know if he would survive. I told him he has an addiction and he needs to get treatment and he said no he doesn't. I said your life is like this and you don't have a problem? He did not bother us the rest of the night.
Today his old (young) house manager texted me that son said he'd go there to detox today. Husband texted son and son to encourage him and son said he is hoping he will get job at Publix so he can rent a room. His words: That is my only way out of this mess!
A mess that he created.
He is 21 and has done nothing with his life. We have given him every tool. Love and encouragement. I didn't think it would come to him being homeless but it has. He may go to treatment if no other choice. But that's not how I want it to play out.
I hope this is some kind of learning experience for him. He has never fended for himself like this.
Son texted me last night from another phone number because I blocked him saying that you should never turn your back on family. He has no money, no gas, no food and no shelter. He did not know if he would survive. I told him he has an addiction and he needs to get treatment and he said no he doesn't. I said your life is like this and you don't have a problem? He did not bother us the rest of the night.
Today his old (young) house manager texted me that son said he'd go there to detox today. Husband texted son and son to encourage him and son said he is hoping he will get job at Publix so he can rent a room. His words: That is my only way out of this mess!
A mess that he created.
He is 21 and has done nothing with his life. We have given him every tool. Love and encouragement. I didn't think it would come to him being homeless but it has. He may go to treatment if no other choice. But that's not how I want it to play out.
I hope this is some kind of learning experience for him. He has never fended for himself like this.
Oh, RN, I just saw this. I am so sorry! Reading your story is living our nightmare all over again. I could have written everyone of your posts with a single change in pronoun.
It is absolutely okay for you to block his texts and phone calls. He is trying to emotionally blackmail you. Don't let him. He can chose the right path and be safe and fed. If he does not make that choice, it is not up to you to take care of him. If he doesn't have a substance abuse problem then there is no reason he shouldn't be able to take care of himself. Remember that men and women his age are serving our country and putting their lives in danger every day. All he has to do is get a job and pay for his own food and housing.
Of course, he will not be able to maintain a job if he is using but he has to find that out for himself. If you swoop in and rescue him you are just postponing the inevitable not to mention enabling his drug use in the meantime.
I am not surprised to hear about the doctor in Florida. One doctor prescribed benzos for our daughter knowing that she was an addict that had abused benzos before. Unfortunately, that area of Florida has a lot of recovery resources but also has a lot of addicts and doctors that enable their addiction.
I can't tell you how many times my daughter used the suicide threat, the homeless story, hunger, etc. to try to get us to give in and take care of her. It was only after my husband and I got strong enough to tell her that would be her life as long as she was using, that she finally got sober.
Stay strong and keep posting.
~Kathy
It is absolutely okay for you to block his texts and phone calls. He is trying to emotionally blackmail you. Don't let him. He can chose the right path and be safe and fed. If he does not make that choice, it is not up to you to take care of him. If he doesn't have a substance abuse problem then there is no reason he shouldn't be able to take care of himself. Remember that men and women his age are serving our country and putting their lives in danger every day. All he has to do is get a job and pay for his own food and housing.
Of course, he will not be able to maintain a job if he is using but he has to find that out for himself. If you swoop in and rescue him you are just postponing the inevitable not to mention enabling his drug use in the meantime.
I am not surprised to hear about the doctor in Florida. One doctor prescribed benzos for our daughter knowing that she was an addict that had abused benzos before. Unfortunately, that area of Florida has a lot of recovery resources but also has a lot of addicts and doctors that enable their addiction.
I can't tell you how many times my daughter used the suicide threat, the homeless story, hunger, etc. to try to get us to give in and take care of her. It was only after my husband and I got strong enough to tell her that would be her life as long as she was using, that she finally got sober.
Stay strong and keep posting.
~Kathy
RN0441
100% better than I was but not at 100% yet
Kathy
Thanks for your comments. I think maybe him getting a job and renting a room would be a good thing. Like you said, he'll realize that he cannot have a job and do drugs. He'll be completely responsible for himself for the first time in his life.
We did not swoop this time but it is hard. I kept thinking of what everyone said on here and what my therapist had said: DO NOT GIVE HIM MONEY. My therapist told me several weeks ago when reviewing therapists cases that the woman there that runs the addiction program told her to tell me not to give him any money but at that time I said that we had sent him 1200 miles away and he was in treatment which was the only reason for our minimal help. It takes time to get "there".
If he refuses to go to treatment again and wants to work, we'll sit back and let him do it. My home is still peaceful.
Thanks for your comments. I think maybe him getting a job and renting a room would be a good thing. Like you said, he'll realize that he cannot have a job and do drugs. He'll be completely responsible for himself for the first time in his life.
We did not swoop this time but it is hard. I kept thinking of what everyone said on here and what my therapist had said: DO NOT GIVE HIM MONEY. My therapist told me several weeks ago when reviewing therapists cases that the woman there that runs the addiction program told her to tell me not to give him any money but at that time I said that we had sent him 1200 miles away and he was in treatment which was the only reason for our minimal help. It takes time to get "there".
If he refuses to go to treatment again and wants to work, we'll sit back and let him do it. My home is still peaceful.
mof
Momdidntsignupforthis
RN,
I'm so sorry.. Just saw this.
He really doesn't think he has a problem... So his plan is live in detox, get a job and rent a room.
Well.. It's the biggest plan he's had!
Praying for your strength.. U are so strong... But with him using u have no choice.
Many blessings
M
I'm so sorry.. Just saw this.
He really doesn't think he has a problem... So his plan is live in detox, get a job and rent a room.
Well.. It's the biggest plan he's had!
Praying for your strength.. U are so strong... But with him using u have no choice.
Many blessings
M
RN0441
100% better than I was but not at 100% yet
Thanks Mof
Unfortunately he does NOT plan to go to detox at all UNLESS he does not get the Publix job.
So we are waiting to see what he does. He did contact the house manager that he first had contact with in March about it but I think he'd only go if he has no other options.
Time will tell.
Unfortunately he does NOT plan to go to detox at all UNLESS he does not get the Publix job.
So we are waiting to see what he does. He did contact the house manager that he first had contact with in March about it but I think he'd only go if he has no other options.
Time will tell.
GoingNorth
Crazy Cat Lady
That's rather odd: that he'll go into detox if he doesn't get the job. I wonder if that's because without the job he won't be able to afford his habit?
That's not someone who wants to get clean more than anything else (a prerequisite for success) talking. He's planning on getting a job and continuing to use...not much of a plan.
That's not someone who wants to get clean more than anything else (a prerequisite for success) talking. He's planning on getting a job and continuing to use...not much of a plan.
RN0441
100% better than I was but not at 100% yet
I think he won't have a place to live if he doesn't get the job. That is why he'd use detox as an option. Not a good reason to go to detox.
When I think of him I think of him as a guy on a fence. One foot on each side. One side sober and one side not. I think he wants to be sober but doesn't want to do the work or give it up yet.
He isn't ready. In some ways I have known it would come to this all along. I think that is why I'm not TOTALLY BAWLING MY EYES OUT AND FREAKING OUT.
He is the type of person that HAD to hit rock bottom - no place to live - to experience what that is like. This is day one so we shall see.
When I think of him I think of him as a guy on a fence. One foot on each side. One side sober and one side not. I think he wants to be sober but doesn't want to do the work or give it up yet.
He isn't ready. In some ways I have known it would come to this all along. I think that is why I'm not TOTALLY BAWLING MY EYES OUT AND FREAKING OUT.
He is the type of person that HAD to hit rock bottom - no place to live - to experience what that is like. This is day one so we shall see.
Sister's Keeper
Active Member
Can I mention a little about Tramadol?
It was, initially, marketed as a non narcotic pain reliever. It has, since, become a drug of abuse, and I know in the hospital it is counted just like it is a narcotic.
It is not a true narcotic, but it works on the mu receptors, the same receptors that opiates (morphine, heroin) works on. So people who have a history of, or the potential to abuse substances do abuse it. Like someone else said earlier, too, it also works as an SSRI/SNRI, so if he is taking an SSRI (which I think you said he is) he needs to be careful with the Tramadol as he could develop seritonin syndrome.
Tramadol also lowers the seizure threshold.
Has he been tested for or diagnosed with ADHD? I ask this because of the reaction to benzos. People with ADHD often have a paradoxical reaction to benzodiazepines, in that they make them hyper, instead of relaxing them. I have ADHD, which I take no medication for, but the 2 times I have had benzos (pre op) I was insane.
Unfortunately, doctors are at the mercy of the honesty of their patients. The onus is on your son to provide the doctor with an accurate medical history. If he chooses to exclude parts of his history there is no way that a doctor could know any of it, and tramadol is not considered a really potent drug, tough multiple prescriptions for it from multiple providers will trigger a red flag. Fortunately, Florida had a huge overhaul a few years ago in regulating prescription narcotics. So he, now, is in the prescription database system as having received a prescription for a controlled substance. If they start seeing multiple scripts for multiple providers he will get flagged.
I know you know that in the long run they aren't going to do anything that they don't want to do. That rock bottom is different for everyone. The only thing is that you can take solace in the fact that YOU have done everything in your power to help him. You can't give someone a gift if they refuse to take it.
It was, initially, marketed as a non narcotic pain reliever. It has, since, become a drug of abuse, and I know in the hospital it is counted just like it is a narcotic.
It is not a true narcotic, but it works on the mu receptors, the same receptors that opiates (morphine, heroin) works on. So people who have a history of, or the potential to abuse substances do abuse it. Like someone else said earlier, too, it also works as an SSRI/SNRI, so if he is taking an SSRI (which I think you said he is) he needs to be careful with the Tramadol as he could develop seritonin syndrome.
Tramadol also lowers the seizure threshold.
Has he been tested for or diagnosed with ADHD? I ask this because of the reaction to benzos. People with ADHD often have a paradoxical reaction to benzodiazepines, in that they make them hyper, instead of relaxing them. I have ADHD, which I take no medication for, but the 2 times I have had benzos (pre op) I was insane.
Unfortunately, doctors are at the mercy of the honesty of their patients. The onus is on your son to provide the doctor with an accurate medical history. If he chooses to exclude parts of his history there is no way that a doctor could know any of it, and tramadol is not considered a really potent drug, tough multiple prescriptions for it from multiple providers will trigger a red flag. Fortunately, Florida had a huge overhaul a few years ago in regulating prescription narcotics. So he, now, is in the prescription database system as having received a prescription for a controlled substance. If they start seeing multiple scripts for multiple providers he will get flagged.
I know you know that in the long run they aren't going to do anything that they don't want to do. That rock bottom is different for everyone. The only thing is that you can take solace in the fact that YOU have done everything in your power to help him. You can't give someone a gift if they refuse to take it.
RN0441
100% better than I was but not at 100% yet
Sisters:
He was diagnosed with borderline ADHD at one time but the medications he got (Adderal I think) he used to trade for weed or sell so who really knows if it helped/hurt or if he even took it at all! He has always played me with the drugs but I was naive in the beginning like a lot of parents. I never personally took anything for anything.
I think that he got nuts on benzos because he abused them - took a higher dose than prescribed. Plus would drink, smoke weed etc. I know. Dangerous.
My husband actually talked to the doctors office and the lady there spilled her guts. We were both pretty shocked.
Oh and he is abusing it by taking it. I know there is no pain but I don't know if he is taking more than prescribed - for whatever that's worth.
We are just riding this crazy wave. I can't believe I'm still sane honestly or where I am getting this strength.
He was diagnosed with borderline ADHD at one time but the medications he got (Adderal I think) he used to trade for weed or sell so who really knows if it helped/hurt or if he even took it at all! He has always played me with the drugs but I was naive in the beginning like a lot of parents. I never personally took anything for anything.
I think that he got nuts on benzos because he abused them - took a higher dose than prescribed. Plus would drink, smoke weed etc. I know. Dangerous.
My husband actually talked to the doctors office and the lady there spilled her guts. We were both pretty shocked.
Oh and he is abusing it by taking it. I know there is no pain but I don't know if he is taking more than prescribed - for whatever that's worth.
We are just riding this crazy wave. I can't believe I'm still sane honestly or where I am getting this strength.
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Sister's Keeper
Active Member
I ask because benzos are typically a depressant, so in high doses and even mixed with weed or booze they should sedate.
Just a little aside that went through my head.
...and I am sure he is abusing the tramadol. It is funny because I was just involved in a big conference on prescription drug abuse and the state of Florida was held up as an example. In Florida it has, actually, become very difficult to procure long term or high dose prescription narcotics. Tramadol was probably all the doctor was willing to prescribe. If he was claiming a false history of kidney disease they won't prescribe NSAIDS (motrin, advil, ibuprofen) because they are contraindicated in kidney disease as they are metabolized through the kidneys.
See how smart and resourceful they are? I always joke "...if they would only use their powers for good"
Addicts are very resourceful, believe me. If they can figure out how to wrangle so many people out of money and drugs, they can manage to wrangle themselves up a meal and a place to stay.
I thought about this, and pleas don't take this the wrong way, but since you have a condo in Florida if you don't have a security system do you have a neighbor to keep an eye out? If he is desperate or angry he may make his way there looking for a free place to stay.
