Relapse again
- Thread starter RN0441
- Start date
so ready to live
Well-Known Member
Hi RN. Just catching up after few wks gone to offer support.
This continues to be best for me also. My husband is simply able to let the drama go instead of ruminating on it as I do.
It is simply awful. As I have continued on your post, I see your son seems to be trying again now. At the end of the day, it still boils down to "get a job, go to sober living and then call me" doesn't it? There was a prayer posted months ago on here and the crux of it was--no matter what their doing, no matter what we're doing, please Lord, don't let it be wasted. don't let this pain be in vain, for any of us. Prayers
RN0441
100% better than I was but not at 100% yet
So son is still waiting for background check to clear to start at Publix.
A bit nervous. He stole our car 2 weeks after his 18th birthday and we had him arrested at the advice of our insurance carrier (he was not insured). Then he did not finish his community service so there is something on his record. However, that is in Illinois and he is in Florida and according to Publix web site they do hire non violent felons and he is a long way from that so hoping he'll be okay! Sweating it out.
If he does not get that job for some odd reason (praying he does) then his roommate's daughter can give him a job at Jimmy John's since she is the manager and he can look for something better. Plan B.
He told his dad he sent me an email on Saturday so I read it. I have him blocked on my phone and FB. He said that he is sorry for all the pain he has caused me in his life and that we have always been close and he hates not to have a relationship with me. He also said he is doing good now and will continue to do good.
Yesterday he asked his dad if he could give us a FaceTime "tour" of his apartment. We did do this and all looks good. He can actually SEE the college from out in front of his apartment. He even showed us inside his fridge and freezer and behind the shower curtain. LOL
He said his roommate (Dottie) stays in her room mostly with the dog. I don't know if she's depressed or what. He said he thinks she is trying to give him privacy.
I responded to his email today after much thought. I told him he is the first person I think about when I wake up and the last person I think about when I go to sleep and I love him unconditionally but our relationship has conditions and I cannot take any more bad news. I also said that he has been sober before until he isn't, but I do not see him doing the things that are proven to help people with addiction such as going to meetings, getting a sponsor, going to church, replacing bad addictions with good addictions. I told him it is very hard to see someone you love on a destructive path for five years. I matter too. I told him I am very happy he has a nice place to live and that he is now set up for success. I told him for now we will continue doing weekly FaceTime with him.
I feel good about my response to him. I struggled with it but feel at peace with what I told him.
A bit nervous. He stole our car 2 weeks after his 18th birthday and we had him arrested at the advice of our insurance carrier (he was not insured). Then he did not finish his community service so there is something on his record. However, that is in Illinois and he is in Florida and according to Publix web site they do hire non violent felons and he is a long way from that so hoping he'll be okay! Sweating it out.
If he does not get that job for some odd reason (praying he does) then his roommate's daughter can give him a job at Jimmy John's since she is the manager and he can look for something better. Plan B.
He told his dad he sent me an email on Saturday so I read it. I have him blocked on my phone and FB. He said that he is sorry for all the pain he has caused me in his life and that we have always been close and he hates not to have a relationship with me. He also said he is doing good now and will continue to do good.
Yesterday he asked his dad if he could give us a FaceTime "tour" of his apartment. We did do this and all looks good. He can actually SEE the college from out in front of his apartment. He even showed us inside his fridge and freezer and behind the shower curtain. LOL
He said his roommate (Dottie) stays in her room mostly with the dog. I don't know if she's depressed or what. He said he thinks she is trying to give him privacy.
I responded to his email today after much thought. I told him he is the first person I think about when I wake up and the last person I think about when I go to sleep and I love him unconditionally but our relationship has conditions and I cannot take any more bad news. I also said that he has been sober before until he isn't, but I do not see him doing the things that are proven to help people with addiction such as going to meetings, getting a sponsor, going to church, replacing bad addictions with good addictions. I told him it is very hard to see someone you love on a destructive path for five years. I matter too. I told him I am very happy he has a nice place to live and that he is now set up for success. I told him for now we will continue doing weekly FaceTime with him.
I feel good about my response to him. I struggled with it but feel at peace with what I told him.
worried sick mother
Active Member
I think what you told him is perfect. You let him know how much you love him but stood firm with your boundaries. Good job!!! Everything is looking up for your son.
mof
Momdidntsignupforthis
I think it all sounds great. I have come to the conclusion that I will take everyday of positivity and be grateful in it.
There are bumpy days and a future none of can control... But until then.. It just is what it is.
I know it's hard... I don't know if it's ever "over". My son told me this weekend, Mom, you CHOOSE to worry about me. I will keep proving you wrong.
No truer words..
There are bumpy days and a future none of can control... But until then.. It just is what it is.
I know it's hard... I don't know if it's ever "over". My son told me this weekend, Mom, you CHOOSE to worry about me. I will keep proving you wrong.
No truer words..
RN, I think that your response was perfect and setting the once a week boundary is great. He needs to hear how he has hurt others and needs to earn your trust back. Unfortunately, our loved ones think that if they do one good thing or have one good week everything should be forgotten but it doesn't work that way.
~Kathy
~Kathy
ColleenB
Active Member
RN I am so glad to read he is doing better. I completely understand your fear... I saw my son yesterday and the first thing I thought was "is he high?" I honestly don't know what "normal" looks like anymore... it's been five long years....
I eventually asked him, and he didn't get angry, he just said no. He said he had been mostly clean now a few months... I think I believe him?
I can completely relate to him being the first thing you think about and the last.... I constantly think a lot about him... and my younger son who just moved out.
They will never understand and I pray they never have to experience the pain we have been through.
Older son told me that this past weekend he helped fetch a friends younger brother who stole his moms car and has been going down a dangerous road... he said " I talked to him and tried to explain to him the pain he was causing his mom, his family... I think I am trying to make up for what I have done"
It was nice of him to try and help his friends brother, family... I do hope he has come to the other side of this addiction... but I think I will always wait for the other shoe to drop...
I don't think a few months is a sure thing but I am hoping... as are you I know.
Let's hope this is the new beginning we have all prayed for ... hugs
Xoxo
I eventually asked him, and he didn't get angry, he just said no. He said he had been mostly clean now a few months... I think I believe him?
I can completely relate to him being the first thing you think about and the last.... I constantly think a lot about him... and my younger son who just moved out.
They will never understand and I pray they never have to experience the pain we have been through.
Older son told me that this past weekend he helped fetch a friends younger brother who stole his moms car and has been going down a dangerous road... he said " I talked to him and tried to explain to him the pain he was causing his mom, his family... I think I am trying to make up for what I have done"
It was nice of him to try and help his friends brother, family... I do hope he has come to the other side of this addiction... but I think I will always wait for the other shoe to drop...
I don't think a few months is a sure thing but I am hoping... as are you I know.
Let's hope this is the new beginning we have all prayed for ... hugs
Xoxo
BusynMember
Well-Known Member
So happy your son is growing up!!!! Kudos to all.
RN0441
100% better than I was but not at 100% yet
Colleen
Sounds like your son is getting it together on his own which is amazing!
My son seems to think that is the way to go too. I'm not sure I agree with this for him since he has not been successful in the past doing it this way but in the end it's them WANTING to do it in their heart and not necessarily outside influence. He did spend six months in treatment so he knows all the stuff he needs to know, that's for sure.
They won't understand it until they have their own kids.
Sweet that your son was being a sort of mentor to another and that he seems to see how much he has hurt you. I want my son to see it and I think he has a glimpse of it by me pulling away like this. I am glad for that.
Continued prayers for all our boys. That's all there is.
