Terrible,
I don't know your faith. But if you are of faith or understand that if you didn't take care of y o yourself, you wouldn't have been able to care for others.
God wants you to look after yourself, to find joy in his creation, and when you do that you serve him. You matter a great deal, start small...love birds, listen a bit longer...love to cook, try a new recipe. Read about something that looks I interesting, different or a place you think you'd like. A dream will sneak up on you..
Y o ur not alone!