Roller Coaster

[pigless in VA]

Colleen,
Please try to put all of this out of your mind while on vacation.

 

[New Leaf]

I may seem naive, and maybe I am, but I do believe my son in most of what he says. I have to. He is a good person, and he needs someone who believes in him. I had many of his issues with anxiety and depression when I was young, and I did some drugs, not to the extent he did.

Colleen you are not naive, you are a Mom navigating as best you can through squalls and intermittent heavy seas. None of us are experts on this journey, we don't know your exact situation, because it is yours and yours alone. I can tell you that most of my responses here on CD, are gauged on what I recall going through on my journey. I have to remember that my journey is my own, just as everyone else has their own.
If I have been too harsh in responding, I do apologize, for our hearts hurt enough, when trying to figure this all out.
One day, one step at a time is best.
Truly, as I write, I write to myself as much as to others. In that, I must remember that we are all unique individuals and are at different stages along the path. Just the same, our adult children are all unique individuals and what may work for some, does not work for others.
I believe all here on CD are very kind and concerned folks who have been through some very rough times with their adult children. Some, are straight shooters and do not mince words, others are a bit softer in their writing. All in all, the intention is to try to be helpful and give advice through sharing experiences.
It is up to you to glean through the responses and choose which you think applies, and leave the rest.
As I sit here writing this to you, I am thinking about the time I spend here, reading and writing. Speaking for myself, as I read posts, sometimes it brings me back to memories of trying so very hard to fix things. I think to myself "If I knew then, what I know now, I would have done things very differently." But the truth is, I don't know if I would have. What I mean is, we all have to do, what we have to do, to be able to look in the mirror at the end of the day. Sometimes we are just not ready to change course, shift sails, or try another way.

I don't look at this as being naive, it is a process we go through, and we all process in our own way and time, to our unique situations.

I hope you enjoy your vacation Colleen, and try to put all of this to the far corners of your mind. I will look forward to your posts, and pray that your son, and all of our children find their way.

God bless
(((HUGS)))
leafy

 

[rebelson]

How beautiful, leafy! [emoji7]

 

[New Leaf]

How beautiful, leafy!

Thank you Rebel, we are all going through rough waters, may God give us peace as we navigate the storm.
There is nothing quite like a sunset after rough weather, brilliant colors shifting across the clouds and sky, fading into a starry night.
We are not lost, we are each finding our way......
(((Hugs)))
leafy

 

[Coping11]

I can relate to this SO much! The rollercoaster is tiring, gets very old very soon, exhausting and mentally draining. And it creates despair and inflame all our worst fears. I've found out recently that daughter has started using amphetamines on top of all the other issues (it curbs appetite - very appealing to an impulsive anorexic). I understand you and sympathize so much, because I am SO tired. I really wish you - all of us - all the best.

 

[pasajes4]

I have no words of great wisdom. The journey that so many of us are on just plain sucks rocks. There is no way to not feel the pain or to not worry. What we come to realize is that we have to find a way to live our lives around the pain. In time we start to feel moments of joy and some sort of balance. It takes time. It is a journey not a race.

 

[RN0441]

Colleen the people on this forum and only this forum gave me the strength to give our son a choice. Rehab or shelter. We both were united on that front but I have to admit I was terrified he would not go to rehab but he did. We did not back down.

I have felt both peace with him gone and sheer terror wondering what will happen next. Cleaned his room out; empty whiskey bottles, beer bottles, drug paraphernalia etc. Cigars (I think they roll weed in the tobacco or something and funny thing is he HATES smoking). Disgusting. Reminded me of a rat's nest however I have never really seen a rat's nest.

My son too is sweet and kind when he is sober. When he uses pills he isn't mean but he steals and does things he would never do.

I wake up every night in a cold sweat and can't turn my brain off. Right now he is sober. He is going out of state and we feel happy about this. We told him he could not come home after rehab. Again very HARD to say. I let hubby do it. Same situation, needs to be someplace else. Nothing changes if nothing changes. He is excited. I just got off the phone with the coordinator at his new home. They are members of the BBB and state licensed. I feel good right now but I'm scared. My husband and I are enjoying our peace but he is always on my mind. I look forward to a time when he isn't all I think about.

You'll know when you are ready to push forward. I think in some ways they look to us to do this but they would never say that.

 

[ColleenB]

We had a wonderful and relaxing day today. Older son has lost his phone, so in some ways it's been easy to really try and disconnect for a bit. Younger son says everything is fine, and we know he would let us or a family member know if it wasn't.

I don't know yet what it will look like when we get home. Son will have had to make his own decisions about NA or AA. If he didn't go to any meetings then we may need to make some serious changes. Right now I'm trying to relax and enjoy my time with my husband.

Thanks to all of you, I know I can be strong no matter what I go home to. I can't change him.

 

[RN0441]

Good for you! I hope the rest of your vacation days are focused on you and hubby and enjoying life and each other!

 

[Copabanana]

We had a wonderful and relaxing day today.

I hope the rest of your stay is equally wonderful.

Your Atavar picture is very beautiful and serene.

COPA

 

[Copabanana]

Cleaned his room out; empty whiskey bottles, beer bottles, drug paraphernalia etc

I am sorry you found this reality, but it is better to have done so. It strengthens you in your purpose and fortitude to keep to it.

We told him he could not come home after rehab.

Good. Everybody needs to get with the new program. By his choices he has completely emancipated himself. He is a man now. He will understand that it is a new day. His own life for which he is responsible.

I just got off the phone with the coordinator at his new home. They are members of the BBB and state licensed.

Good. I am happy you found a place about which you can feel confidence. Now it is time for your son to do his stuff. You have made tremendous project in such a short time.

I think in some ways they look to us to do this but they would never say that.

Yes. I totally agree with this. I believe they want us to set a boundary and adhere to it. It supports them to be strong too, and to learn that they can have boundaries and adhere to them.

COPA

 

[ColleenB]

Flying home today, we will arrive very late.

According to son he has attended two meetings this week. We are hoping that he has, but realize it isn't a solution. We are just glad he is finally seeking some help, and will hopefully be open to more intervention, and recovery.

The week was good for us, we needed to have some time away, to reconnect.

Hoping I can be strong when we get home and able to let son own his addiction and his recovery, while still being a support, not an enabler.

Time will tell.

 

[Copabanana]

he has attended two meetings this week

Good. I am glad for you that the week was what you needed you are your D H.

COPA