So his cousin is getting married in August. Big church wedding. My daughter is the maid of honor. This is on my husband's side.
He does not want to go. He thinks it will be a trigger. He says he still has cravings and has dreams about drinking.
Now, he went to Indianapolis a few weeks ago with two friends for a concert, and spent the night. He said he didn't drink, even though one of the friends is a problem drinker and can't hold a job but supposedly has cut down on the booze as he has a new girlfriend. He said that the shared experience of listening to the band and getting into the music helps take his mind off it, and he says he knows he has too much to lose, like a place to live and his job.
So far he still works, sees his therapist and his case manager, takes his medications. But he tends to isolate himself, and spends a lot of time either sleeping or on the computer. Therapy goals are for him to basically get a life, with new friends and hobbies and to organize his time.
Now my husband really wants him to go to the wedding. He has brought it up several times. I told him difficult child told me it might be a trigger. Now I told him that he could go back to the hotel room, he could sit with his cousin who has been sober for five years and who he's gone to meetings with, and his other cousin who doesn't drink much, we could take him home after dinner, or he could just go to the church. I don't know how much of this is his isolationist tendencies and the fact that he really doesn't care for husband's side of the family. Now he didn't drink at the concert, so I'm thinking he may not drink at the wedding, but I would tend to err on the side of caution and take him at his work that he would have a hard time.
How do I deal with husband? I feel if he doesn't want to go, I'm not going to push him. I am tired of getting difficult child to do stuff that he doesn't want to do, and besides, we will have to take care of 94 year old grandfather who is in a wheel chair and can barely transfer. The last party we were with him at, on Easter Sunday, I felt I had to keep checking on him if he wasn't in my sight to make sure he didn't drink. That was more to relieve my anxiety than anything else, but still, it's exhausting.
He does not want to go. He thinks it will be a trigger. He says he still has cravings and has dreams about drinking.
Now, he went to Indianapolis a few weeks ago with two friends for a concert, and spent the night. He said he didn't drink, even though one of the friends is a problem drinker and can't hold a job but supposedly has cut down on the booze as he has a new girlfriend. He said that the shared experience of listening to the band and getting into the music helps take his mind off it, and he says he knows he has too much to lose, like a place to live and his job.
So far he still works, sees his therapist and his case manager, takes his medications. But he tends to isolate himself, and spends a lot of time either sleeping or on the computer. Therapy goals are for him to basically get a life, with new friends and hobbies and to organize his time.
Now my husband really wants him to go to the wedding. He has brought it up several times. I told him difficult child told me it might be a trigger. Now I told him that he could go back to the hotel room, he could sit with his cousin who has been sober for five years and who he's gone to meetings with, and his other cousin who doesn't drink much, we could take him home after dinner, or he could just go to the church. I don't know how much of this is his isolationist tendencies and the fact that he really doesn't care for husband's side of the family. Now he didn't drink at the concert, so I'm thinking he may not drink at the wedding, but I would tend to err on the side of caution and take him at his work that he would have a hard time.
How do I deal with husband? I feel if he doesn't want to go, I'm not going to push him. I am tired of getting difficult child to do stuff that he doesn't want to do, and besides, we will have to take care of 94 year old grandfather who is in a wheel chair and can barely transfer. The last party we were with him at, on Easter Sunday, I felt I had to keep checking on him if he wasn't in my sight to make sure he didn't drink. That was more to relieve my anxiety than anything else, but still, it's exhausting.