Update
It's a fine balance. We met him at his hotel. It is a disgusting S?!&, hole they rent rooms by the hour ugh! And he looks like a train wreck. It took all of my energy not to break down into a puddle of tears but I didn't. He was surprised and said "aren't we going home?" We said no, you have one more night in your hotel because we do not want you to feel manipulated or pressured. He looked very sad. He appeared to be clear and present.
We went for a drive and got some coffees and sat in the parking lot and spoke. I expressed my concern for his new charges indicating that 1. If your with someone breaking into cars at 1:30 in the morning it is guilt by association. No one will believe you didn't know what was gong on or weren't a part of it. 2. You have no idea what this kid has said about you. 3. Your bail has been rescinded by the youth association and the courts will not look favourably on this. It is the second time your bail has been rescinded. At this he was shocked and said, "I forgot to go to my meeting." We said yes you did even though we reminded you and your rehab counsellor reminded you. 4. The police and everyone else who had contact with you felt you were under the infuence of drugs. Your rehab counsellor even kept your papers from the police because she felt you were out of it and would probably lose them. I said I know you deny taking any drugs, but the courts aren't going to believe you, and that is a breach of bail as well. 5. We are now at 5 outstanding charges and the history of 4 other offences that were taken care of by youth diversion.
At this he hung his head and started to cry. We put his options on the table and said if he was to choose in patient rehab and if we could begin he process of admissions before the police pull him into custody, it would look far better. It would look less reactive and more genuine. It would be far easier than asking the courts to release him in order to pursue this. We told him it is very difficult to ask for rehab as opposed to jail time in the court systems. And most likely with all of the charges against him the crown would be asking for jail time or a whole lot of probation. We stressed that there is no way that any judge is going to go easy on him.
We also said it is very iffy that he will get out on bail again and may well be held until his trial date/s
We told him that Portage/rehab, dealt with the courts and would help him.
We told him no matter what he chose to do that we loved him and he would always be a part of our lives, but if he chose not to go to rehab he could not come home. Tears were dropping off his chin not his manipulative allegator tears. No defiance, no reactions just silent sad real tears. I have no idea how we kept it together but we did. We told him if he did not agree to in patient rehab, he would need to go to the Shelter until such time as the police pick him up. He would need to continue with his Application for the social assistance/school plan. He said he didn't want that. We said good because at the rate you are going there are only 3 outcomes, Death, Jail or Rehab.
He asked if he was doing ok when a bed became available would he still have to go. We said let's cross that bridge when we come to it (the answer will be absolutely). He said "I can stop the drugs I know I can." We reviewed again just the last 6 months of hell. He didn't argue or comment. We said we beleive you can stop too, you just need help.
We reviewed the house rules and indicated that we would be doing mandatory drug testing. We said zero tolerance for drugs or paraphernalia in our home. We said if he tested positive we would not ask him to leave, but it would reinforce his need for in patient help, he actually agreed.
When we dropped him off he said please be here tomorrow to pick me up at 11:00 bring the consent form with you, I will sign it. HOPE!!
One step closer but many moving parts. I am sooo exhausted! As is my husband. I was very proud of us. This is not easy stuff. I wanted to grab him and bring him home scrub him clean and cuddle him.
Let's hope he doest go off the rails tonight!
I plan to ask the crown to include in his bail bond that he must attend and complete his in Patient program at Portage or elsewhere. We will express that this is the only way we will agree to bail him out. That is if they will allow bail. Rediculously they most likely will.
I pray to the universe that:
He signs the consent tomorrow.
He gets picked up and spends some time in lock up sooner than later.
A bed becomes available in 4 weeks not 16!
He embraces the program and succeeds.
He appears very sad and broken, there was no more cockiness or arrogance to be seen. We were all so composed it was a first for that!
