Littleboylost
Long road but the path ahead holds hope.
Slow growing obviously. Perhaps it was the cause of her indiscretion in marrying your X 
Should we help?
- Thread starter Littleboylost
- Start date
Littleboylost
Long road but the path ahead holds hope.
Slow growing obviously. Perhaps it was the cause of her indiscretion in marrying your X
Littleboylost
Long road but the path ahead holds hope.
Slow growing obviously. Perhaps it was the cause of her indiscretion in marrying your X
Littleboylost
Long road but the path ahead holds hope.
Slow growing obviously. Perhaps it was the cause of her indiscretion in marrying your X
Littleboylost
Long road but the path ahead holds hope.
Slow growing obviously. Perhaps it was the cause of her indiscretion in marrying your X
Littleboylost
Long road but the path ahead holds hope.
Weird northern internet glitch multiple post of the same post. Weird.
ColleenB
Active Member
Portage is a good program if you can get him to go. I had a bed for my son before he was 21 ( that's the cut off for our Portage here in NB) but he wouldn't agree to go.... almost killed me.
He did the one week detox but besides that nothing else. He had an addictions counsellor but he stopped that too. I do not think he is clean but there is little I can do and he no longer lives with us....
I too think even though our health care system works most of the time, our mental health services are severely lacking! It's like a battle to get any services when they actually want help. We were ready to pay for the private but he refused.
Good luck talking to your son.....
He did the one week detox but besides that nothing else. He had an addictions counsellor but he stopped that too. I do not think he is clean but there is little I can do and he no longer lives with us....
I too think even though our health care system works most of the time, our mental health services are severely lacking! It's like a battle to get any services when they actually want help. We were ready to pay for the private but he refused.
Good luck talking to your son.....
Littleboylost
Long road but the path ahead holds hope.
Thanks CB. I hear you loud and clear. Pine River is a co pay program here in On our son vehemently declined to go.
seek
Member
Rehabs are big business. The private, 28 day programs are mostly a waste of time (I believe). The longer programs are cost prohibitive. I guess a lot of people have money to burn, but I am not one of them and feel sad for all of the parents who would pay for a 6 month program, but cannot afford it.
There are so many drug addicts and alcoholics . . .
There are so many drug addicts and alcoholics . . .
Mamacat
Active Member
This really resonated with me. I feel the same way. I'm not the same person either. I'm sometimes almost grateful for this experience. It's changed me
Copabanana
Well-Known Member
mof.
Feel so sad with you.
Feel so sad with you.
Littleboylost
Long road but the path ahead holds hope.
We head home today and are preparing for the conversation with my son. Texting him yesterday and I know in my gut he feels he is just going to say sorry and all the ususal stuff and waltz right back home. It makes my heart heavy and my stomach sour.
For my benefit I wrote this to cement it in my heart. We will tell him we love him and present to him where his choices are leading him including telling him about the bench warrants and his bail resindince and the fact that he will most likely be held until trial.
We will have the consent form with us for the inpatient program and explain if he does not agree we can not let him come home.
We will again go over the house rules and the fact that he must stay in out patient care, as it will be a 4-16 week wait for a bed.
We will tell him we will work to get his alternative school acceptance deferred to next year.
We will pray he sees the light and agrees.
The one thing we do not know how to deal with is the fact that we know he will fail to stay off drugs and alcohol. I think we should drug test to reinforce he fact that he can not do this on his own in out patient care. I don't think we can ask him to leave the family home if he tests positive considering he is waiting for treatment.
I will absolutely not allow drugs in my home.
If he refuses we are offering him a ride to the shelter.
Any advise would be so very helpful. Wish us luck.
Fighting the good fight.
For my benefit I wrote this to cement it in my heart. We will tell him we love him and present to him where his choices are leading him including telling him about the bench warrants and his bail resindince and the fact that he will most likely be held until trial.
We will have the consent form with us for the inpatient program and explain if he does not agree we can not let him come home.
We will again go over the house rules and the fact that he must stay in out patient care, as it will be a 4-16 week wait for a bed.
We will tell him we will work to get his alternative school acceptance deferred to next year.
We will pray he sees the light and agrees.
The one thing we do not know how to deal with is the fact that we know he will fail to stay off drugs and alcohol. I think we should drug test to reinforce he fact that he can not do this on his own in out patient care. I don't think we can ask him to leave the family home if he tests positive considering he is waiting for treatment.
I will absolutely not allow drugs in my home.
If he refuses we are offering him a ride to the shelter.
Any advise would be so very helpful. Wish us luck.
Fighting the good fight.
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Copabanana
Well-Known Member
In light of the fact he is a minor I cannot think of a better plan. I balked at first at the idea he come home because each of us who has gone this route has suffered the result.
But what option do you have?
I would tighten up at home. Such as: No presence in house alone. Drug test. No friends over or visits. Door off room. Stripped down room which you search routinely. No phone. I do not advocate any one of these just recalling what some parents have done.
It sounds like a jail for the 3 of you
but what I found was the absence of this vigilance or swift response they experience as enabling and consent.
I wish you well.
But what option do you have?
I would tighten up at home. Such as: No presence in house alone. Drug test. No friends over or visits. Door off room. Stripped down room which you search routinely. No phone. I do not advocate any one of these just recalling what some parents have done.
It sounds like a jail for the 3 of you
but what I found was the absence of this vigilance or swift response they experience as enabling and consent.
I wish you well.
Littleboylost
Long road but the path ahead holds hope.
Oh Copa
I so would love to be able to do all of what you say to do. When we spoke to our therapist she guided us away from being his jailer.
Facing the natural consequences of his actions is what she feels will be best to set him up for change and success.
We are indeed between a rock and a hard place. I am saying no being out past a certain time. If he is we lock the doors and turn our phones off. If he gets in trouble and gets picked up by the police again his consequences. None of his friends come by our place any more. The good ones have dumped him and the druggies can't do drugs so they stay away.
School is back in in 2 weeks which will be a help. Although I don't want him to start his alternative program and mess that up, I do want him in school. He can continue school from his Rehab if he chooses to go.
In a number of days this may well be a mute point as he will most likely be incarcerated again. Then we will be in a position of requesting his release to Rehab once a bed is available. If we are fortunate they can make remaining in Rehab until completion part of his bail agreement. This will motivate him not to leave rehab and stick it out.
So many unknowns but I don't control the universe, or him.
I will let you know how it goes.
I so would love to be able to do all of what you say to do. When we spoke to our therapist she guided us away from being his jailer.
Facing the natural consequences of his actions is what she feels will be best to set him up for change and success.
We are indeed between a rock and a hard place. I am saying no being out past a certain time. If he is we lock the doors and turn our phones off. If he gets in trouble and gets picked up by the police again his consequences. None of his friends come by our place any more. The good ones have dumped him and the druggies can't do drugs so they stay away.
School is back in in 2 weeks which will be a help. Although I don't want him to start his alternative program and mess that up, I do want him in school. He can continue school from his Rehab if he chooses to go.
In a number of days this may well be a mute point as he will most likely be incarcerated again. Then we will be in a position of requesting his release to Rehab once a bed is available. If we are fortunate they can make remaining in Rehab until completion part of his bail agreement. This will motivate him not to leave rehab and stick it out.
So many unknowns but I don't control the universe, or him.
I will let you know how it goes.
Copabanana
Well-Known Member
You know, reading your post it makes sense. I agee with the therapist. Completely.
I guess what nags at me is the messiness of it. Inviting him back knowing he will use , you will permit it, without response. It is as if you submit yourselves to his lifestyle passively.
And the consequences become yours to bear.
Yet I cannot see an alternative. That is a horribleness of it all. No good option. No power. No escape.
I guess it is better to surrender from the outset to our reality.
I guess what nags at me is the messiness of it. Inviting him back knowing he will use , you will permit it, without response. It is as if you submit yourselves to his lifestyle passively.
And the consequences become yours to bear.
Yet I cannot see an alternative. That is a horribleness of it all. No good option. No power. No escape.
I guess it is better to surrender from the outset to our reality.
Littleboylost
Long road but the path ahead holds hope.
It is not the best scenario. We will use CRAFT technique when it comes to him being under the influence. We will leave the addressing of it up to his out patient rehab coordinator. We will not condone it but we will not engage him in any form of shaming or discussion while he is high. And yes it will be a horrible time. Pray for a bed sooner than later is all we can do. And that is if he agrees to any of this. On the road now. Will let you know how we make out.
