Smoking around kids

[dreamer]

I just thought of a similar type situation.

Many of my sons friends have pools, and trampolines. Becuz I have seen and heard of so many injuries related to these 2 items (a friends 2 preschoolers drowned and I know 2 kids - one who is now a quadriplegic) due to trampolines, I do not permit my kids to be around them without adult supervision, parent in house, kids outside is not good enough to suit me if those items are "in use" I do have a pool, but mine is inside a self latching 5 ft fence and has another fence at the top rail of the pool.........and nope, NOONE goes in it unless I am sitting there outside WATCHING.........
Many people around here DO have these items without fences, and without requireing parental supervision of their use. SO- my son is NOT permitted those places.
It is not a judgement call of me judging them......it simply is our rule.......if my son wants to play with those kids, they can all play somewhere not by the pool or trampoline....just like those kids parents do not permit their kids to come here where they would be exposed to smoke. For me this is a very similar safety/health issue as the smoking. Some kids cannot come here, and there are some places my kids cannot go.
The kids cope, they deal with it. and like I said, there are ways to get creative so the kids can still play together.

Oh and........yes, there are some homes where parents are just not ever home at all.and no, my son is not allowed to play those places either.
My door is always open to anyone who wants to come over. Any time. There is ALWAYS me or my husband home.......and becuz my home and yard are so small, noone can possibly be out of hearing range and seldom can be out of line of sight. ANd the ONLY time I balk is if a kid tells me he HAS to stay at my house cuz noone is home at his house UNLESS it was already discussed with me. Sadly in my neighborhood it has happened so many times.

Nope, if I INVITE you or if you are PAYING me - then I won't smoke. BUT..........
my house is my castle. I have had it 18 years, I do not plan on selling it as near as I can tell.................Usually anyone is welcome anytime.....but..........unless I invited you------I just might choose to smoke in this house I worked double shifts to pay for for the last 18 years.
And since I do not remember anyone ever having done me any favors over those years-------noone has given me or any of my kids a ride, noone has ever babysat for us, noone has ever brought us a meal or picked up something at the store, or loaned us a s ingle penny........or house sat or anything....I can pick and chose. ANd no, the lady who wanted me to rearrange MY itinerary for the trip- and take her dtr there and back.......no- she did not contribute a penny to gas, did not contribute a penny towards snacks or meals or anything.........actually she was not even nice when she wanted us to drive her dtr there......no, I do not feel as tho I had to bend over backwards to HER rules. Originally my whole family was gonna go- but when her dtr needed a ride, well, my whole family PLUS her dtr would not fit in my car for that trip----------
No, sorry.............(plus I knew her kid smoked)

Yes, I can be nice. I can be generous..but...........I smoke. I am a HEAVY smoker. (4 packs per day) I have tried (unsuccessfully) to quit. Take what I CAN offer or leave me alone.
If your kid cannot be around smoke, I understand.......but so long as it is legal for me to smoke here at my house........most likely I will be here smoking.

BUT while we are on such a topic, do be aware other peoples homes could possibly have all kinds of dangers you may not even think about. SOme people do not lock up sharps. SOme do not lock up medications. SOme do not pay any attention to what kids are doing. Some might be watching porn on TV on dvd or online, some maybe doing home projects that include dangerous chemicals or tools.

My son put out his eye at a neighbors house- the dad was doing some home repair and had his tools out. He permitted the kids to play with hammers and hit rocks. A peice of rock flew and hit my sons eye. Even after it happened, the neighbor did NOT call us, did not escort my son home---------told my son he would be OK.
In some homes there might be difficult children that might rage or meltdown or parents who fight.

My one childs best friend since preschool, turns out in 2001, the stepdad was accused by........his stepdtr and MY easy child to school of sexual molestation. The girls reported to the school, who called CPS- but neither CPS or school ever called ME. Last summer the girls finally worked up enough courage to accuse again. That stepdad was a model citizen. Owned a home contractor company. Attended our church. Held a public office. Currently he is standing trial for molesting SIX girls from 2001 to now. CPS knew. School knew. Noone told us.

All kinds of dangers lurk in others homes. Smoking is just one that is more obvious.

 

[skeeter]

My husband smokes. Always outside. Never in the car. Never in a restaurant (even before our state ban). He'll even move down wind or away from people when outside.

My kids have allergies, have been on shots for years. There are many things they shouldn't be around - smoking is one of these. They are old enough to choose on their own now, but when younger, they just didn't go to houses where people smoked.

I can't go into any house that has a cat. Doesn't matter how clean the house is, or if the cat is locked in another room - in 15 minutes my eyes will be swollen shut and my voice will be gone. So I don't do it. Taking antihistimine preventatively doesn't help. I'll leave if I find out you do have a cat.

I've never asked anyone to modify their behavior for me or my kids - I do ask that they understand if I say we can't come to their house.

 

[mom_in_training]

Omg Dreamer, I can't believe that lady had the adacity. I can't stand people like that. I would have hoped that you had told that guy with all of the beer that drinking was bad for you too. Geezo!!!! Sometimes people need to learn to keep their traps shut for god sakes. And you are right your home is your castle and nobody has the right to tell you what you can do or not. I do not oppose of people smoking in their own home (Their choice, Their home) and would certainly never expect for anybody to change their ways to accomidate me either. When my difficult child was younger, I had many concerns about whose houses she was at not knowing of what dangers lurk, Gun, Chemicles, Dangerous tools, Access to alcohol, You name it.... And the pool thing, I would never allow my difficult child to go anywhere to go swim without knowing that she would be supervised by the parents period, That was my rule and the same for the trampoline too. These days we as parents have to be very concerned about our kiddos well being because it seems that nobody really knows their neighbors anymore and you cannot tell who can be trusted. You might think you know them but you don't. Who would have ever thought that we would have to deal with all of these priest molesting our children? Geeze I was uncomfortable allowing my difficult child to go to church. How sad is that..... Society is just soooo out there, So much is being exposed by the desperate news seekers 24/7 news in your face. I'm sure allot of what goes on these days are nothing new but way back when our media was not reporting it either. Now the news media makes a big to do about smoking and its become a political thing. Was thinking about it the other day, Our government is slowly but shurely choking off people that choose to smoke by putting all of these laws in place to ban smoking. Who knows eventually it just might be illegal. I have not been to the beach in a long time but I think Ca has banned smoking on the beaches here.

 

[dreamer]

Oh yikes, LOL.(well it is not funny) I am almost 50, me and my bro were very active in our church in middle school, and one day my bro just refused to go, anymore. He would NOT tell me why. A couple years ago---------I was horrified to be watching our local news----and the youth pastor we had (we do not have priests) was arrested for............molesting boys at the time and of the age of when me and my bro belonged to that church! That was over 30 years ago- an affluent suburb.........turns out my bro feared noone would believe him........so rather than even bother to try to say anything, he simply dropped out of church.
Nah, I did not say anything to the guy when I was buying cigs, I am timid and shy in public, having been stalked and abused- I often fear a person flipping out and getting violent on me, even in public. I am quite non confrontational, and usually burst into tears when people say such weird things to me. Or I whip out my cell and call a friend and say- gosh-----why are people so mean? LOL

 

[DazedandConfused]

This is a health issue, pure and simple. This is not about you condemning their right to smoke in their home. If my child had lung issues, such as yours, I would probably not allow him to play inside their home, either. It’s not about who has “rights". It’s about your obligation, and responsibility, to your child to look out for his best interests health-wise. Being exposed to second-hand smoke is dangerous for him. It’s pretty much cut and dry for me.

Okay, having written that, you could just be upfront with the other boy’s parents. I would probably be very honest about what a health risk it is to my son. That he enjoys playing with their child, and they were so kind to invite him over, but I am very concerned about the second-hand smoke. I would also acknowledge their right to smoke in their own home, but as a Mom your child’s health takes precedence. I would be very diplomatic in my demeanor and calm in voice. Then add that their son is welcome to play at your house and that when the weather warms up this will cease to be an issue for a while as they will probably be outside.

I was a smoker for 23 years. I quit over 11 years ago and haven’t had one cigarette since. Yes, I was very young when I started :blush:. I also have allergies and suffered from asthma when I was younger. Both my grandparents died from cigarette related illnesses. I’m no anti-smoking nazi but I don’t allow it in my home simply because it turns things yellow and smells the place up. I still miss it at times. But, I don’t when I have to take a brisk walk in the hilly area I live in. husband is a nonsmoker and is glad I quit. But, it was a very difficult process, and it is, at times, ongoing.

I have a dear friend that is a long time smoker. I would never ask her not to smoke in her home. Even, if my kids are visiting her. Though, I have to admit I’m about knocked over by the smell when I first enter her house. But, once I acclimate, I’m okay. I’m always happy to provide an ashtray and chair for her to smoke outside when she visits. Other than that, I really don’t know anyone else that smokes so it’s not something I have to grapple with a lot.

Not a moral issue, or a matter of smoking “rights”. It’s you looking out for your child.
:smile:

 

[mom_in_training]

Lol Dreamer, I on the other hand am not one to back down Lol!! I like a good game and say bring it on and just might have lit up a ciggy and blew it towards that mean woman. She had no business getting on you like that. And for her to not have a placard for the handicapped space.... EEEEERRRRRR!!!!! I have a placard too and use it when I have my son and wheelchair with me. I get the looks like you would not believe when they see me bounce out of the van like totally normal. Well then they see the wheelchair when I open the back and I just snare at them Lol!! It gets funnier when I notice them watching me unload my severely disabled son, I see their face turn from Witch you should not be there to oh my gaw and see them slowly sloach as if they are wishing to disappear. I have actually walked up to a lady that was giving me the look and knocked on her car window to ask if she wanted to meet MY SEVERELY DISABLED SON. Hes quite a doll I told her and he cannot walk at 18 but someday maybe he will. Lets just put it this way, I'll bet she will think twice when it comes to judging. I left by telling her that I had just as much business parking in that spot then she did. You should have seen the look on her face, She was speachless and did not know what to do. Dreamer, Its funny, These kind of people can go around all day being mean to others but let me tell you, When somebody else is game to not back down they cower (Well in some cases)because they do not expect it. Lol!! I have fun with mean people. I mostly kill them with kindness and it makes them even madder. Lol!! I know i'm bad and believe it or not I do have boundrys especially when I know that I am dealing with a worthless human thats just out to ruin someones day. That is soooo sad about your bro having to quit the church. See you just never know.. My mama used to say "You can't judge a book by its cover" Its true, Its true!!! Oh and Dreamer, One more thing, My son almost 20 now also has Cerebral Palsy, Cortical Blindness and Seizure disorder. I do not know if you noticed that on my sig or not. So we have something in common.... Just thought to mention that because I saw it on your sig.

 

[dreamer]

I was not sure of the disabilities, LOL.but they are similar to my now almost 12 son... I have a handicapped placard for my RA and Lupus, altho I seldom need handicapped parking anymore, and more often do handle the walks with pleasure. My husband has our handicapped license plates...disabled veterans, to be specific.
If I were to wish to use handicapped parking I cannot depend on husband plates, I need MY placard. BUT so often people would see me if I did park in handicapped and simply assume, since I am female, I suppose- that I was abusing my fathers license plates for disabled veteran. They would not look to see my placard hanging off my mirror.
One time, I was at a grocery store, and parked, and this man came driving all the way up to my car door, and screamed out at me, hey you yong punk (I am almost 50) YOU cannot park there. I said well, yeah, I can, do you want to see my placard? My Medicare card? My RTA/CTA handicapped pass? He began to grumble and talk to himself, while at same time he circled parking lot and came roaring at me with his car headed right for me! It was quite scary, and when I thought he was gone and came back out of my car, I was almost into grocery store and he drove up so close, he nearly crashed into the building, and the manager saw and came running out.
Another time at the HS for a choir performance for our dtr, I was using my elec scooter, husband was using his wheeled walker.we parked in handicapped.and a lady pulled up beside us and yelled and said HEY you give ME that parking space. My dtr has a wheelchair and we need that space. My husband looked at his walker, looked at my scooter, said to the lady well, we got here first and there are 2 of us handicapped using it. I got scared and told husband I would move the car if he would sit with my scooter and I would attempt to make it back with his walker, cuz I got scared. My husband said no. we went inside the building and maybe 20 mins later the lady came racing towards us on our area in handicapped seating and kicked me. Her handicapped child? was using her powerized wheelchair, wheeling herself in an entirely different direction.

LOL one year we went to country thunder, a huge outdoor country music fest near us, and YIKES.my husband got really angry, I said what is your problem? Turns out, I looked at him and ...OMG! leaning up against the back of the electric handicapped scooter, leaning ON my husband....was a very inebriated young couple--um........they were.......as close as 2 people can get-----engaged in ? procreation. YIKES! Well, husband moved the scooter forward, the people fell to the ground, got up and yelled at HIM! Yeesh.

Another time a local neighborhood man was running for a seat on senate here....I had gone to pharmacy to pick up medications, I was at the time still using my scooter. There was one handicapped spot left. I went to park in it and another car cut me off. Out of the car hopped the man running for senate here (A young local lawyer, like I said, a neighbor of mine) I rolled down my window when he jumped out of the car, he had no placard, no plates, I yelled hey- wheres YOUR handicapped parking documentation?- he turned around and gave me the finger. I waited. half an hour he came bouncing back out of the store. Real nice man (NOT) You can be sure he did NOT get MY vote.

Another time I was at grocery, and well, I am stuck in a time warp and still wear big bell bottom jeans...and tie dye tshirts, still have waist length blonde hair (natural) I was grabbing some milk and some lady walked up to me and said to me rather loudly-------you know you should not date yuorself that way, dressing like that in public. HUH?

I live in a very rude town.

 

[dreamer]

is cortical blindness the type they are experiemnting with artifical vision for? My sons surgeon is heavy into that research

 

[crazymama30]

Ok, I confess, I am a closet smoker. I have 3 cigarettes a day, usually in my car while I am :blush: working. I do not and have not for years smoked in my house, but if someone wants to it is thier house. My step mother in law smokes, but she chain smokes. We do not go there often, but mostly for other reasons. If my child had a serious lung condition, I would not want them around smoke.

 

[mom_in_training]

Geeze Dreamer you need to move to my area, I'll teach ya some handy kill-em with kindness defense techniques Lol!!! Lotts of mean people where you are. We have rude and mean people here too, I do not think anyone in any community can say that they don't have their share of them. Xmas shopping with my son and wheelchair, You would think that people would give us some room, Not!!! I have left the stores because I can't navigate it when people are just not moving. I think their just in their own lil world trying to figure out what they are getting for whoever and they pay no attention. With that said I don't think that they do it intentually and besides being xmas I don't think anybodys thinking right anyway. Lol!! You could have pressed charges on that guy for doing that to you with his car. Hes one jerk that needs for someone to step up and do something about his anger issues to hopefully put a stop to his antics. Geeze..... I think I recall you posting about that guy, You were upset and had every right to be. As for the Cortical Blindness, See below >>>

DESCRIPTION: : A term used to describe an apparent lack of visual functioning, in spite of anatomically and structurally intact eyes. The cause is assumed to be a lack of cortical functioning (i.e., the visual cortex of the brain is non-functional. Children with "cortical blindness" do not exhibit nystagmus, however. (Nystagmus may be the way the nervous system responds to bad vision, since it occurs simultaneously with many visual impairments.) Neither a CAT scan nor a VEP can confirm cortical function. In the absence of other abnormalities (e.g., optic atrophy, microcephaly, frequent seizuring), the prognosis is good for regaining some degree of visual functioning in children with "cortical blindness."

" Children with "cortical blindness" do not exhibit nystagmus"

That I do not agree with, I have seen my son exibit nystagmus when he was on Klonopin. I changed Neuros because of it. I did my homework and found that Klonopin was known to cause nystagmus but the Dr kept saying no... Yikes!!!!! I suggested that he know the side effects of the medications that he hands out and went to a different Dr. Shortly after my sons medications were changed and the nystagmus was no longer an issue. As far as I know there is no experimenting going on for this visual disorder.

I spoke to a visual therapist a long time ago that was working with an older gentleman that had come out of a coma and was diagnosed as being Cortical Blind. This patient was able to communicate what he sees. His description of it was that he could see color and that if you were standing in front of him he could see you but did not know where you were. His exact words "I don't know where there is" He would not know to go up down left or right to get to you or any object he sees. To sit in a lil chair he would circle it two or three times and then kick it lightly to assure that the chair was actually there before he sat down. Crazy, Huh? I have been told that my son sees black, Yea right was my response. I told them when they can explain to me why my son squints when I go outside on a sunny day verses him not reponding to their flashlight in a dim lit room we'll talk but in the mean time I will work on proving them wrong. I did and I have yet to see this visual specialist at another IEP since. Lol!! Most eye exams can not be performed on him because they do not see a normal response due to his visual impairment created by the damage to the cortex of the brain. Crazy but I have been told that yes all the parts look great and he is 20/20 but yea, Hes cortical blind.Hmmmmmm....

 

[mom_in_training]

crazymama30, Shame on you you closet smoker you, Lol!!! 3 a day is not bad at all. I wish I could say that. I don't even smoke a pack a day but I smoke more then three a day. I do wanna quit knowing that it is unhealthy though and have been cutting down. I figure when I'm ready that every time I have the urge to go buy them I'll just put the money that would have paid for them in a can somewhere and at the end of the month (Whatever month that will be?)I'll have lots of spending money to treat myself to a new outfit or something. Its my worst habit besides drinking coffee but its expensive.

 

[crazymama30]

mit-I found a store that sells me singles, if I bought a pack I would smoke the whole thing. It is illegal, but oh well. So are a lot of things people do.

 

[dreamer]

mit- feel free to email me, [email protected]. The cortical blindness sounds interesting

 

[Kjs]

I am a closet smoker. Did not smoke while pregnant. Have never smoked in my house, or ever infront of kids or husband. However, difficult child's friend, my neighbor my friends, both smoke in the house. to the point of white layers when you walk in. easy child (who is 24) won't go to their house because of the smell. We need to borrow their van at times, nobody wants to ride in it. Their kids smell. Their dogs smell. difficult child loves to go over their. Parents are very good with him, talk to him when he is sad or upset. Very good people. However, difficult child knows when he comes home we will need to wash clothes. If he spends the night we will need to wash sleeping bag. Even though I smoke, quietly, outside, by myself..Never in front of children...I do not know how this couple can have a child sit on there lap, or help them with homework while they are smoking??? Where I work, it is a smoke free campus. No smoking, not even in your cars. 12 hour shift. Just don't think about it. I leave the choice up to my difficult child.

 

[SRL]

I've had lifelong allergies and developed asthma in my teens which became quite severe in my 20's. My parents both were heavy smokers and I absolutely hated it and nagged them to quit from the time I was quite small.

If it were me I would allow them to play outside and at your house but explain to the parents that your son has asthma and has a medical restriction from being around smoke. I would take out the I from "I don't want him around smoke" and put the heavy on the medical recommendation. You really can't control how they feel about it--they may take it in stride or they may be offended--all you can control are your own actions. My mom doesn't smoke around us but there's always a tension--she suddenly will disappear from here when she's visiting with some excuse instead of saying she's taking a cig break. Plus my kids aren't used to the smell at all and it's evident as soon as she walks in.

Fran, I think you're right about the higher number of closet and outside smokers--I see a lot of them in the neighborhood. Looking in old children's books and movies we always catch the smokers because it stands out.

 

[TerryJ2]

Interesting topic. I had to work my way up to it, partially because of time constraints, and partially because of personal issues... my mom died a cple yrs ago from squamous cell carcinoma on her tongue (she had half her tongue removed), and lung cancer. Dad was always on her case about smoking and after she got cancer, he had to keep his mouth shut. My grandmothers both smoked, and my older sisters still do. They are adamant about their rights, and in total denial about the health issues surrounding it, despite the fact our mom died from its effects right in front of our eyes.
Plus, husband has asthma.
In our first house, I had a little brass plate engraved and placed on the front door: "Thank you for not smoking in our home."
The only people I had problems with-were my sisters! I guess being in someone's family grants you a sense of entitlement.
Now we no longer need it... it's just a given that you don't smoke in other people's homes unless they themselves are smokers.
Likewise, as in the notes above, you can't tell people not to smoke in their own homes. You either invite their kids to your house or skip it altogether. (Sometimes I wonder where people's brains are. I mean, would you tell someone not to drink in their own home or not to wear red hats because you don't like the color?)

I don't object to smoking regulations in public buildings but I do agree the anti-smoking nazis go too far with trying to outlaw it in your own home or car.

I've never heard of that. Cars and houses are private property. Period.

When I was growing up everybody smoked; like Fran I remember when it was allowed on airplanes.

I remember too! LOL. :eek:

 

[momof4insc]

I am not a smoker, but my mother and boyfriend are. I cant stand the smell and I get sick if I breathe the smoke. Neither of them smoke around me or my kids. My point, is, YOU have the choice to do what you want with your body, but children shouldnt have to be around the smoke. They are not the smokers, you are. Just my humble opinion.

 

[TerryJ2]

Dreamer and all, my husband is a chiropractor, and the most common injuries he sees in kids are those who have flipped off a trampoline and fallen, or who have half-fallen onto the outside rim.
We have several neighbors who have trampolines and we only allow difficult child to play on those with-netted "walls." They make a huge diff. If any of you have trampolines, the walls are worth the extra $.
We explained it to the neighbors and one family came up with-the idea to supervise the kids so only 3 can jump at a time. (Instead of investing in wall nets, they bought another Gameboy disc. Go figure.) Still, that cuts down on the roughhousing and tendency to want to shove the littlest person off, either deliberately for fun, or accidentally because they're too small to hold their place with-all that motion. It's always a good idea to supervise that sort of thing.

In re: to how that relates to smoking, it's kind of the same thing... you can't tell people what do to in their own homes but you can tell the friends and neighbors why you don't want your kids playing there (in a nice, non-threatening way) or, your kids will suggest that the other kids come over to their houses.

We've got several kids who don't like to come to our house because they're afraid of our dogs. We usually put one in the kitchen kennel and put the other one outside. As the kids are getting older and taller, they are less afraid and it's less of a problem.

 

[helpmehelphim]

TerryJ2- I read about the trampoline in your post. We have the wall net here and the rule of only 3 at a time. There are a huge amount of head and neck injuries from trampolines... the neighbor kids balk about the 3 at a time rule but they still come over to bounce. :smile:

As an aside, my husband is constantly working on the trampoline too. We have the net but the bars will snap out which makes the net less effective. He's always clamping and tightening...but without doing that, the net is less effective...it's always something.

 

[TerryJ2]

Ack! Well, I'm glad for that reason we don't have one. My husband and I are not mechanically inclined. :hammer: