T
toughlovin
Guest
Hi all,
I went to an Alanon meeting last night and got some insight. We were talking about confusion and someone read a passage from the Alanon book that said "When I know too much about my options before the time is right to exercise those options, I tend to use the information only to drive myself crazy. That's why today, when I am feeling confused, I try to consider it grace. It may not be time for me to act".
A few days ago my son had texted me that he might want to change sober living houses... and then I didn't hear from him at all. I texted him but it looked like my texts were not going through. I was getting worried and then yesterday he texted me that he was meeting with his therapist and they wanted to call me at 4pm today.
My head went immediately to he wants something. Is he going to try to convince us that he needs to move and that we should give him more money to do that? He probably got mad or angry at something and now he needs to stay and work it out. I was getting myself geared up to say No.... but like another thread has talked about it is hard to do that. I would do it and was trying to get clear but I had that whole feeling of dread and resentment.
Last night I realized I was gearing up for a solution when I didn't even really know what the problem was!!!
I had emailed his therapist and she did say things were ok but I had no more info.
So at 4 today they called. He wasn't calling to get anything. He has worked out whatever issue it was that he had. He is staying put. He is looking for a job. He thinks it was a good decision to stay down there. He is going to meetings every day!!!
I put all that energy into the problem I had in my head!! I do that all the time with him.... often there is a problem but really I need to wait to know what it is before I try to solve it, if only to give myself more peace and serenity.
Our relationship needs a lot of work, that is clear from todays conversation... but we are starting to work on it with the therapist who is wonderful. She is trying to move him towards communicating with us more... I mean it would have helped if he had followed up with a text of never mind worked it out or something... rather than leaving me to worry.... but I also need to keep working on letting go and not worrying so much when I don't know what is going on.
I later got a call from the sober house mom, or whatever you call her. She said things are going well. They recently did a drug test for his probation and he passed. Phew.
So one more lesson for me in letting go.
TL
I went to an Alanon meeting last night and got some insight. We were talking about confusion and someone read a passage from the Alanon book that said "When I know too much about my options before the time is right to exercise those options, I tend to use the information only to drive myself crazy. That's why today, when I am feeling confused, I try to consider it grace. It may not be time for me to act".
A few days ago my son had texted me that he might want to change sober living houses... and then I didn't hear from him at all. I texted him but it looked like my texts were not going through. I was getting worried and then yesterday he texted me that he was meeting with his therapist and they wanted to call me at 4pm today.
My head went immediately to he wants something. Is he going to try to convince us that he needs to move and that we should give him more money to do that? He probably got mad or angry at something and now he needs to stay and work it out. I was getting myself geared up to say No.... but like another thread has talked about it is hard to do that. I would do it and was trying to get clear but I had that whole feeling of dread and resentment.
Last night I realized I was gearing up for a solution when I didn't even really know what the problem was!!!
I had emailed his therapist and she did say things were ok but I had no more info.
So at 4 today they called. He wasn't calling to get anything. He has worked out whatever issue it was that he had. He is staying put. He is looking for a job. He thinks it was a good decision to stay down there. He is going to meetings every day!!!
I put all that energy into the problem I had in my head!! I do that all the time with him.... often there is a problem but really I need to wait to know what it is before I try to solve it, if only to give myself more peace and serenity.
Our relationship needs a lot of work, that is clear from todays conversation... but we are starting to work on it with the therapist who is wonderful. She is trying to move him towards communicating with us more... I mean it would have helped if he had followed up with a text of never mind worked it out or something... rather than leaving me to worry.... but I also need to keep working on letting go and not worrying so much when I don't know what is going on.
I later got a call from the sober house mom, or whatever you call her. She said things are going well. They recently did a drug test for his probation and he passed. Phew.
So one more lesson for me in letting go.
TL