Son is in Jail

[It'sbeentoolong]

Son is in jail.

Essentially he is the biggest Duper going. A con artist extraordinaire! Drug addict, con artist and possibly a true sociopath.

The day he met me and begged to come home he used 2 foreign account cards stolen from my husband to make 3 withdrawals.

All in all over 12/13 days he withdrew over $5,000 with 9 transactions.

I woke around 1 am and for some reason I felt the need to search his back pack.

I found weed, the bank cards and $700.

I woke husband. Husband completely forgot about these cards that were in a file in the office. Husband does everything with these accounts on line. Clearly son had been routing through everything and anything.

We woke him up and asked him to leave immediately. He acted out I called 911 he pushed me and grabbed my phone. He hung up. They sent a car anyway. He heard the siren and bolted.

I suspected he went to new GFs house. Text threatening to kill himself and all other sorts of manipulative BS.

Bcs of threat of suicide police had to continue search until they apprehended him. They brought in a few more cars and a canine unit. I gave them address of new girlfriend said her mom is a police officer as well. I felt in my gut that is where he was. Police said the knocked several times and called the girlfriend phone number, no answer.

They then found moms name and contacted her. She was at work. She confirmed daughter was home. Police knocked again she still wouldn’t answer. Mom had to drive over to her house from work and unlock the door to her house. Son was there they arrested him.

Took him for processing and sent him straight to jail. No holidng cell. I searched his room and found other items he had taken including a new wallet I had just bought myself.

Remember he is 18 now no more youth court and now his youth file will not be automatically sealed once he is finished with his punishments for those crimes.

We pressed charges. He is being charged with possession of MJ, breaching bail, 9 counts of theft and 2 counts of international fraud.

Was in bail court today. John Howard Society are not offering bail program to him. Duty Cousel called me to ask us to post surity for his bail.

NO NOT HAPPENING!

Called numerous people so far no takers for his bail surety. I hope he doesn’t find anyone!

I am in a state of mental chaos and I am physically ill. I feel like I am in a bad slow motion dream sequence and can’t wake myself up. Nothing feels real.

I fluctuate from sheer panic and hysteria to anger that is so dark and raw the thoughts I have of my son are unspeakable.

I do not want to see or speak to him because I know I will say things out of anger that I will regret. I would say I have no son and you are dead to me. You will never darken my door again!

I feel that way now I truly do. If I was near him I would have a hard time refraining from hitting him; and once I started, I would have trouble stopping. Very dark thoughts.

My husband is a very quiet and stoic person. He collapsed in a heap and wept so ferociously that it completely shattered my heart to see this. I can’t get the image out of my head.

I have nothing else to say I have nothing left to give.

Had an emergency meeting with therapist today. It helps but not much right now.

this . I am done!

I am right there with you on the ups and the downs and the extreme feelings of anger. I agree that you should not see him now. I don't see any benefit in that. Jail could be the very best place for him. He can get help in there and maybe grow from the experience. I hope you don't take his actions personally. He sounds like a typical addict who will use anybody to get what he wants. Sending positive vibes your way.

 

[Sam3]

Copa captured the tension perfectly

Your heart took you to the parking lot, and your wisdom said no.

I think your son is so lucky to have both things in you.

 

[Copabanana]

how are you this morning lbl?

 

[Littleboylost]

Well this morning I am sad, mad and frustrated.
I spoke to a friend who works in the court systems. She said the following is what will most likely happen.
They will drop the less serious charges (because you know it makes so much sense to not hold a person accountable when they get into more trouble).
They will take a plea option in Bail court and if he does plea he will get transferred to criminal court and be sentenced same day.
He will most likely be out in less than a week and serve probation from juvenile charges and these new charges concurrently.

If that is the case there will be no way he will be enlightened and seek long term rehab. He is angry and Jonesing and won’t think beyond the path of least resistance; which is to get out as fast as possible.

I did not go to court today. I sent a message to his public defender that distance for us is best right now. Told her to tell him we love him and encourage him to consider long term rehab.

My gut tells me he won’t.

Me, I am trying to keep the fear from consuming me. Still conflicted between what I want and how things really are. As we all know it’s a greiving process.

Tired didn’t sleep well.

 

[Sam3]

If you have access, I would be frank with the PD and prosecutor that your son will cycle right back into the system, if the processing is not long enough for him to detox and sentencing does not include long term mandatory drug treatment or compliance.

 

[Littleboylost]

If you have access, I would be frank with the PD and prosecutor that your son will cycle right back into the system, if the processing is not long enough for him to detox and sentencing does not include long term mandatory drug treatment or compliance.

We have made that clear and we will attempt to do so again. Then bottom line is they will not court order rehab in Ontario unless someone is willing to go and requests it.

I have a friend who has volunteered to go out to the jail to visit Difficult Child tonight. Speak to him and discuss his options and see if he can talk some sense into him.

As a young man my friend was in the same jail. Sentences were Stricter then he got a few months in lock up. Straightened him right out. He got a military pardon and went to serve in the armed forces After he got out.

 

[Sam3]

— a tiny example of the same

I called a handyman to fix the guest bedroom door my son tore off the hinge. He just knew what happened and said I should talk to his mom — who needed to fix a lot of stuff when the handyman himself was a raging addict/alcoholic young adult. He’s been in AA a long time.

I teared up.

There are these minor angels out there.

A friends daughter bolted from sober living and stole a bike because she had no money and no transportation. The owner ran after her and caught her. He understood somehow that she was lost.

So he called her a cab back to sober living and offered to pay. When the driver arrived, he was a recovered addict, so he took her for free.

 

[startingfresh]

This is difficult stuff. You have been on my mind. Its heartening to hear how willing others are to jump in and help. I read up on Kevin Alter the man whose vlog you shared either here or in another post. I couldn't stop reading his posts. Thank you for sharing.