Spending time with with difficult children

[Lil]

For what its worth, Im sorry. Could a mod please just remove me from this thread. For that matter, please just delete my profile. Im sorry.

No. I am. Honey I was just really upset since you didn't say anything before this. You should have just spoken up when he was there...or at least last night. I'm sorry. Let's just forget this thread for now and talk tonight. I love you.

Everyone else....just ignore us. Okay?

 

[2much2recover]

Just my 2 cents but I don't think anyone is judging either one of you by your posts either personally or as a couple. Even though you may not be in agreement, both of you have come here for good reason. At least it is not my attention to judge whether one of you is being more right than the other. It is the same situation for both of you in the end - what is the best thing to do about difficult child. He is the issue here and I can understand not liking my other half posting something you might disagree with, I don't think that there is any blame to be had other than to the difficult child from taking advantage of both of you.

 

[Scent of Cedar *]

Of course, once it was time to go...then he wants to talk. There's a bunch, but long and short of it, I ended up telling him no, I don't think he's trying very hard to find work and change things. I ... It wasn't good. And still he wants to come Sunday.

It was good, lil.

It just wasn't pleasant.

None of this is pleasant. But you are trying to save your boy's life, here. He must turn this around. You are doing a difficult thing well.

I wholeheartedly believe there is a connection between a mother and her children. I cannot tell you the times I have dreamed, or have awakened knowing I've dreamed some strange something and had it come to pass.

That you and husband did what you said you would do teaches difficult child that you mean exactly what you say. You are seeing him again on Sunday.

Great.

You have the upper hand now, lil. Stay the course. You are very right that difficult child is not taking things seriously enough. Yet, you are loving him.

It is not easy, but you are doing so well.

Cedar

 

[pasajes4]

this is hard for relationships period. I have had a couple of relationships bite the dust due to the strain. I hope you guys work it out. I am rooting for you.

 

[Lil]

this is hard for relationships period. I have had a couple of relationships bite the dust due to the strain. I hope you guys work it out. I am rooting for you.

Oh we're not going to let our kid break us up...but we did have to have a little talk. The fact is, I thought we'd already decided that one day he was going to come over and hang out and watch TV and such and it never even occurred to me to ask about it, because I thought it was decided! But, apparently Jabber wasn't quite as decided as I was. :ambivalence:

That you and husband did what you said you would do teaches difficult child that you mean exactly what you say. You are seeing him again on Sunday.

Actually, we didn't see him Sunday. Jabber was pretty determined on that and I hadn't been 100% certain with the kid...I'd told him I thought it would probably be fine, but we've been swamped so we'd have to let him know. So Sunday morning I texted him and told him we just had too much to do. Not a lie. We were at church until 2:00, then at the cell phone store for an hour (for nothing) then groceries. Got 1/2 hour of sitting before I had to get started on Christmas gifts I was making and we had housework and laundry and on and on. It was a terribly long weekend and I'm almost glad to be at work!

Son did call about 8 at night wanting to know if we wanted to go get a Blizzard from Dairy Queen (our treat of course ) but we told him no.

We ARE still planning on dinner and a movie either next Saturday or Sunday.

He called today and told me he got a job! So I guess we can turn that into a celebration dinner.

You have the upper hand now, lil. Stay the course. You are very right that difficult child is not taking things seriously enough. Yet, you are loving him.

It is not easy, but you are doing so well.

Thank you Cedar...and all of you for your encouraging words.
Lil

 

[Childofmine]

I'm sorry Lil and Jabber and all. It is SO hard to deal with a difficult child, even when both parents are on the same page, even for a minute. Usually one is here and the other there at any given moment.

It's not you two, it's the situation. It's not you two. It's not. Don't let the situation wreck you two.

Lil, you will do what you will do until you don't anymore and that is the natural order of things. We can only do what we can live with.

I know, I am a Mom too. It is so very hard to love an addict and someone with a mental illness, and literally stand down and watch their lives go down the tubes.

This thread was about setting those physical boundaries. It takes time to do that, and over time, as you feel better and better after setting them, it will come more naturally. It's the holiday season. It's cold outside. He is/was/said he was sick. All of that gets right to a mother's heart.

I have been burned over and over by difficult child and allowing him to invade my peace, my serenity and my space. Again I would do it, trying, because I love him.

We can only do what we can live with, and it's different for each one of us. This is so very hard, and we all need all of the support we can get. No wrong doing here, just people trying hard to figure out what to do.

Warm hugs.