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Still Trying

Discussion in 'Substance Abuse' started by Helpless29, Mar 20, 2019.

  1. Helpless29

    Helpless29 Member

    My son has been calling everyday for the most part he sounds like he so doing ok in Juvenile Detention but todays call was different he didn’t sound so good, I guess boys are started to bully him .I know he’s scared ,and I know he’s just looking forward to next weeks court date. Problem is unless he makes amends with his dad & talks to him to work things out he won’t be going home. His dad wants to talk to him & work things out , he wants to know him & his stepmom are safe if he returns.No matter how much I convince my son to talk to his dad he refuses , he keeps saying he will get out no matter if he talks to him or not , I’m trying to explain to him that’s not how it works but he won’t listen. Should I just stop trying??
     
  2. Copabanana

    Copabanana Well-Known Member

    Hi Helpless.

    Are you asking this because you are tired of pushing something he is not hearing? Or is it because you are concerned that your pushing it, is making him more likely to oppose the idea, and that you are working against his (and your) best interest, by continuing to push him to call his Dad.
    Will they even let him out, if he does not have parent or approved guardian willing to accept responsibility for him? If this is the case, maybe hanging back a bit, would not hurt. Because he will shortly realize getting out will require some compromise on his part.

    Your son is still a child. I believe that part of our job as mothers, is to coach, to prod, to guide, to contain, and sometimes, to pressure, particularly, when our kids put themselves at risk. That we make boundaries matters, whether or not they hear us, or act better. To not make and assert and repeat to them explicit boundaries, may give our kids the sense that we are indifferent, and/or that their conduct either way does not matter. Which is clearly not the case, here.

    We seldom control situations and/or determine results. Especially at this age. So. As far as fearing that your prodding him will in itself determine or affect what your son does or does not do, I don't think it will or will not.

    Your son will or will not listen based upon his emotional state, maturity, fear and anxiety, resentments, dependency, influence from peers or peer pressure, oppositional tendencies, desire for independence, etc. None of this has anything to do with you or what you say. Or whether you should say it, as far as I am concerned.

    I think you should do what you feel is the best for your child and for you. There are arguments to hold back or to keep pushing. Each approach has its pluses and minuses.

    If it were me, I would keep pushing, because I would think my child needed me to stay involved, and to stay in the game. That the point, was not the result, but being involved. But either way, reality will soon intervene.

    This is a difficult spot to be in. I'm sorry it's hard. I have a hard time, too.
     
    Last edited: Mar 20, 2019
  3. RN0441

    RN0441 100% better than I was but not at 100% yet

    I agree with Copa.

    Seriously I can remember trying to reason with my son at that age. Nope.