Suggestions Please

[Littleboylost]

so I have never dealt with a post detox addict. We have him until we can get him into a long term rehab facility.

He will be on a very strict house arrest. Can’t go out side unless one of us is with him.
No friends.
No phone
No Internet we installed a lock out last night.
No visitors of any sort only medical or other professional.
Daily drug tests.

If we do not succeed in getting him into a bed in a long term facility we will place him in a private 30 day program while we wait. We are not Professionals and we are not jailers.

Any suggestions or advice on how to manage a post detox addict would be helpful.
Wish us luck.

 

[BusynMember]

I have never done it, but I would probably try to keep him busy with wholesome activities like a large choice of books and magazines, a notebook for journaling (yes, he may laugh at the idea, but you never know if he will get bored enough to try it), your choice of television stations, and keep him busy with chores if he complaines he is bored. He isnt going to be there to have fun. It is this or jail. Maybe he would even appreciate crossword puzzles.

He is going to have to learn new ways to amuse himself. Drugs and the thrill of getting them needs to replaced by new interests and hobbies. It cant hurt to offer him ideas. Maybe he likes music? Guitar? Giutar lessons? Anything he used to like but dropped for drugs. Other than that, I think cracking the whip on his behavior is good practice for his hopefully joining society in a healthy way

Hope this wasnt useless. I wish you well.

 

[pasajes4]

SWAT has some very good ideas. I would have them available, but not make a big deal about it. He would probably reject any suggestions for alternative activities initially.

I am praying he complies without a lot of negative hoopla.

 

[Origami]

My son was at our house on house arrest for about 8 months. We didn't lock the Internet, since that's his main form of entertainment. He did help around the house, but that's kind-of his nature. It was actually a nice experience having him sober for so long, and we got in a habit of watching some TV shows together, having dinner, etc. I think it's important to monitor who visits, and we did end up having to prohibit "guests" from coming over. It wouldn't be very difficult for a so-called friend to bring over some drugs. The drug testing is probably a good idea, also. Otherwise, I'd say try to keep a normal atmosphere, and he might participate in the household activities out of boredom if nothing else. Good luck with the placements you're seeking for him. Long-term house arrest is very challenging for everyone involved, and the parents do end up feeling like jailers at times.

 

[Littleboylost]

I have never done it, but I would probably try to keep him busy with wholesome activities like a large choice of books and magazines, a notebook for journaling (yes, he may laugh at the idea, but you never know if he will get bored enough to try it), your choice of television stations, and keep him busy with chores if he complaines he is bored. He isnt going to be there to have fun. It is this or jail. Maybe he would even appreciate crossword puzzles.

He is going to have to learn new ways to amuse himself. Drugs and the thrill of getting them needs to replaced by new interests and hobbies. It cant hurt to offer him ideas. Maybe he likes music? Guitar? Giutar lessons? Anything he used to like but dropped for drugs. Other than that, I think cracking the whip on his behavior is good practice for his hopefully joining society in a healthy way

Hope this wasnt useless. I wish you well.

Thanks SWOT he gave up everything for drugs. I was thinking of contacting the school and working with them to complete an English credit recovery that he was to be working towards. dusting off his ice skates and we will go to the gym together. I agree need to keep him busy.

 

[Littleboylost]

SWAT has some very good ideas. I would have them available, but not make a big deal about it. He would probably reject any suggestions for alternative activities initially.

I am praying he complies without a lot of negative hoopla.

Thanks Passa;
Negative Hoopla will NOT be tolerated!

 

[Albatross]

Hmmm...good question. I don't have any suggestions. Anytime our son came out of detox he headed straight for the friends who led him to need detox in the first place...

I sure am impressed that you and hubs are willing to do this, though. I hope he gets his bed sooner rather than later.

 

[Sam3]

Will he have an ankle monitor, or whatever is the Canadian equivalent?

I think most people, even highly strung adhd types, are capable of chilling, given no choice. I think it makes us anxious to see them adjusting though. Maybe if you set your horizon out far and journal how he’s doing each day, you can be dispassionate enough to see the progress.

 

[Littleboylost]

Will he have an ankle monitor, or whatever is the Canadian equivalent?

I think most people, even highly strung adhd types, are capable of chilling, given no choice. I think it makes us anxious to see them adjusting though. Maybe if you set your horizon out far and journal how he’s doing each day, you can be dispassionate enough to see the progress.

We asked for an ankle monitor and the only way we can get one is if he is charged and sentenced. We are staying his proceeding’s until after rehab in hopes that they will be dismissed. Otherwise he will have an adult criminal record.
Journaling is a good idea. One day at a time. One stressful day at a time.

 

[Littleboylost]

Day one down, so far so good. I am very emotionally hung over as yesterday was a long day. The court appearance was treated like a youth sentencing conference and took about 3 hours.
When my son was finally released from the prisoners box and hand cuffs he ran to me in tears and hugged me so tight.

That was new. Normally he is full of hairy eyeballs and scornful looks.

I asked him to share what was the worst and best part of his experience in jail. He said worst: not knowing if he would get out.
Best: he now realizes he has a problem and needs rehab.

He is like a hyper 12 year old. Full of plans for a clean slate and fresh start. I find the best way to manage him is to remain calm and be brief in my discussions. Keeping to the point of what he can and can not do.

He appears genuine and remorseful. Hopeful with no expectations here.

He has an intake interview on the 29th for a long term in patient rehab program. When we are accepted they will give us an idea of when the bed will be available.

In the interim it is to school and home. If he is late or leaves they notify me and we call the police. No internet or snap chat,calls only to us and texting only for us and school.

For good behaviour we will allow friends (non drug friends) to visit 2 at a time an hour at a time. Visitation has to be earned.

He has a list of conditions he must meet or he goes to jail and this time he gets a conviction, jail time and a criminal record.

This interim period is going to be harder on me than him.

He said an older prisoner in remand took him under his wing and gave him quit an earful, made him go to chapel every day. Told him if he ever came back he would not get the same treatment. Explained to my son his history of being born into a drug family Andy working running drugs from the age of 6, loosing his father at 12 to gunshot wounds. He described his life in a very unappealing fashion. Angles among us in many different ways. He told my son that he ( my son), was not a criminal and didn’t want to be either. Told him to stop being so stupid and stay away from the drugs.

He gave my son the title of a book to read and wrote in his bible, “the power of words is understanding their true meaning” he told my son to to focus on a particular chapter in the books he recommended. Well who ever you are “OJ” thanks for giving my son a little “Jail House Jesus” and some life lessons.

The end game is to complete Rehab and request a dismissal of his charges.

We are on a long and weary road. The rest of this journey is truly up to him.

Thank you all for your wisdom and your support.

 

[recoveringenabler]

Wow, what a story about the older prisoner. It is remarkable how many of those angels are out there, isn't it? Often they don't meet them until we've stepped out of the way.

My heart goes out to you LBL, you've been thru the mill and now have more to go. I hope it's a lot easier than you think it will be.

I'm sure glad you and your husband have plans to get out of town in December.

Sending you big hugs......and the warmest of wishes for your family to heal.....

 

[Sam3]

I am thankful today for this opportunity for your son

 

[wisernow]

Praying for you and your family. one day at a time, one step at a time. hugs

 

[New Leaf]

LBL, praying that son takes this blessing to the fullest and pivots to his potential.
(((Hugs)))
Leafy

 

[It'sbeentoolong]

I hope so much the best for your family. Do you have any Al Anon books, like One Day at a Time. I love this book because there is a daily page to read and an index that you can find pages dealing with topics you are going through. I'd recommend Al Anon if you haven't started yet. You have set your boundaries, now try and detach emotionally. The 3 Cs. You didn't cause it, you can't cure it, and you can't control it. If he decides to use again, he may manipulate you into some chaos. Sounds like he wants to stay out of jail and get well. What a blessing that would be. If he does end up sliding and going to jail, that may be a gift. My county doesn't have any rehabs and jail is our rehab. Sometimes a long sentence in jail can bring sobriety. Try to enjoy this time and take care of yourself.

 

[Copabanana]

i would keep it simple. netflix. light books such as westerns or mysteries (not thrillers or stephen king.)

i understand the friends but would be careful.

there is cheap workout equipment that does not take up much space.

do you have a dog?

there is a book called drawing from the right side of the brain. it is an elementary learn to draw book. one of the best self help books ever written.

well. studies of the brain affirm that all kinds of gains in health, coping, peacefulness come from the meditative state induced when drawing among other things.

few materials are needed.

 

[Littleboylost]

i would keep it simple. netflix. light books such as westerns or mysteries (not thrillers or stephen king.)

i understand the friends but would be careful and vigilant.

what about a personal trainer to visit a couple times a week? there is cheap workout equipment that does not take up much space.

do you have a dog?

there is a book called drawing from the right side of the brain. it is an elementary learn to draw book. one of the best self help books ever written.

well. studies of the brain affirm that all kinds of gains in health, coping, peacefulness come from the meditative state induced when drawing among other things.

few materials are needed.

What excellent ideas. We have a home gym and yes! He needs to focus on physical activity.

The art book is a great idea.

I know which friends are not into drugs, they are the ones that distanced themselves from my son. He has reached to a few and he was indeed surprised that they were so open and embracing.

We have 2 dogs. They are a good comfort to my son but they have been very affected by the stressful environment.

My son is in good and humble spirits. Still we are in high alert and very reserved.

It makes me shake my head at how intelligent he is. He wrote 3 tests today one in Electricle, one in English and one in physics. He did very well in all of them to say he was away for an entire week and not very studious prior to that.

I down loaded a meditation App and we both use it. It is very good.



One day at a time.

 

[Littleboylost]

I hope so much the best for your family. Do you have any Al Anon books, like One Day at a Time. I love this book because there is a daily page to read and an index that you can find pages dealing with topics you are going through. I'd recommend Al Anon if you haven't started yet. You have set your boundaries, now try and detach emotionally. The 3 Cs. You didn't cause it, you can't cure it, and you can't control it. If he decides to use again, he may manipulate you into some chaos. Sounds like he wants to stay out of jail and get well. What a blessing that would be. If he does end up sliding and going to jail, that may be a gift. My county doesn't have any rehabs and jail is our rehab. Sometimes a long sentence in jail can bring sobriety. Try to enjoy this time and take care of yourself.

Thank you IBTL
I attend Naranon and have a daily Sesh book and I do find it very helpful.
One day at a time is exactly it.
Chaos is his middle name. We have enough chaos for a life time.
We have done the best that we can possible do in a bad situation, the rest is up to him.

 

[Littleboylost]

LBL, praying that son takes this blessing to the fullest and pivots to his potential.
(((Hugs)))
Leafy

The rest is up to him and it is his story to write.

 

[Littleboylost]

Wow, what a story about the older prisoner. It is remarkable how many of those angels are out there, isn't it? Often they don't meet them until we've stepped out of the way.

My heart goes out to you LBL, you've been thru the mill and now have more to go. I hope it's a lot easier than you think it will be.

I'm sure glad you and your husband have plans to get out of town in December.

Sending you big hugs......and the warmest of wishes for your family to heal.....

Thank you RE
I am so emotionally exhausted. It is time to rest both physically and mentally.