Sweet Betsy....

[lovemysons]

Oh Julie, what a nightmare you have gone through with Sweet Betsy.

I don't know what it's gonna take for my oldest and your oldest to see the light. I am pleased that yours is/has been getting treatment. I so hope that your next update is filled with positives.

Just wanted you to know I'm still out here thinking of you and yours and sending much love.

Your internet bud forever,
Tammy

 

[MrsMcNear50]

Well, it's been over a month since I posted, so here's a quick update.

SB stayed in treatment 10 days. Counselor called me, said she thought pyhsc treament would be a better fit for her. Recommended an out patient program-6 hrs a day-5 days a week. SB made the intake appointment., didn't go. Sigh.

She had 2 court dates down here a couple weeks ago. Made it to court,, but out with the man who almost beat her to death, passed out drunk on at least 2 occasions..Sigh. I let her stay with me a couple of days, not very pleasant to say the least. Really quiet, as I can only say the things I've said a millon times before.

She's now back at my brothers, one more court date this Friday. I offered to take her back home on Sat. morning. If not Sat., then no offer at all. She cannot stay here under any circumstances. I am done.

I can only pray that she will pull herself together, get the help she needs, and create a life for her and Lincoln. Meanwhile, I will go on with my life, doing the things that make me happy, and no longer look back.

Blessings,

Julie

 

[susiestar]

I hope and pray that she can find whatever she needs to fight the demons she lives with. Many hopes and prayers for all of you, and of course for her very innocent son, the real victim of her choices and actions.

 

[Star*]

Julie,

Awwww expletive...frazzle..frizzle...friggle....**poof** exhale. (twists corners of mouth and shakes head in what I wish were disbelief, but sadly I know this self-sabotage spiel so well and wish I did not.)

That said(exhale again longer) and hugs, YOU can tell the world, and anyone else that you are done, that you are walking away that you can't take any more, but you aren't fooling [at least me] for a minute. I swear ya know it's like when they were little - the story we told ourselves was "Oh this new pill? Seroquel? Working miracles huh? Okay, we'll try THAT. Thank you doctor." and we'd leave the psychiatrist office with a renewed sense of hope almost bargaining with God all the way to the pharmacy in silent prayers 'please just let this one work'. Then when it wouldn't? We felt so defeated like it was a personal loss for us as Mothers and we were through with medications.

Later on in their lives, when the infractions got more serious and we couldn't help them by explaining to anyone they had 'problem by mental disease or defect' and we were helpless to steer them any more on the right path -our friends stepped in and said "TOUGH LOVE" let them take their lumps otherwise they'll never learn." So we did the best we could to let them fall, even though some times those decisions made OUR lives even more difficult and in the end most times (to me anyway) it didn't seem to pan out like the therapist would tell us it would - "Let them suffer tough love and they won't repeat those mistakes twice." Um...okay this will be like the 9.976,345th time he's come home late and been grounded and I've tough loved my way out of family vacations - camping trips, museum days.....and where were we again with this? Oh yeah - he's learned a lot. PFT. (to the 10th power)

Then they get to be SB's and Dudes age and just when we think we've seen it all and survived the teen years and all the fun (not) that brought us, and the staging of detachment we figured we had gotten so good at (not) Well here they come with a completely new batch of totally stupid to paint on like some indellible Sharpie marker from Hades then run around all painted up while pouring gasoline over their heads and play with matches while yelling "LOOK AT ME MOM...hahahaha.....LOOK AT ME MOM....NO DON'T LOOK AT ME MOM...hahahaha.." and I think we TELL the rest of the world - I....AM....DONE..I can't take anymore. I am shutting the door. I have had it.

But you know what? If my son called me today....and said "I love you Mom." after all the BS I've been though in the last month? I'd break down. You know why Julie? BECAUSE I AM HIS MOM. Noooooope didn't ask to be treated like a bag of horse manure, NOPE didn't ask to be disregarded like an old sock on the laundromat floor....but I'm not designed to just stop caring, or stop loving, or stop wanting to know how he is...or to stop worrying, or to stop hoping.

Will I ever be walked on again? Sincerely doubt that. Of that? I have had enough. But to just turn being a Mom off like a light switch? I'm not sure that's in my genetic makeup. I keep asking myself ---If I walk away - WHO is there for him? No one. Literally no one. I'm not going to run and support his stupidity - I'm really sorry he hasn't made better choices for himself. I don't know why he hasn't. I'm sure he doesn't either otherwise he'd probably have made better ones by now. They all would have huh?

So....however you need to get through your day? Just know I'm thinking about you - and her, and Lincoln, and Lincoln's Dad..I mean what a complete triangulation this turned out to be huh? Drugs are just so evil. Do your best every day to find the good in each day....and move forward as best you can...but know when you need a place to just exhale or cry or let it out because you're angry with the world because it doesn't understand your kid or you don't understand your kid? I'm here. We're here. We're family. We get it. (most days we don't want it..... but we get it)

Hugs & Love, 'cause I know you're hurting like only the rest of us could understand and that's just alright....
Starbie - the long winded barbie....she comes with an extra set of oxygen tanks so she can just keep right on talking...

 

[Im a Believer]

Thank You for sharing ~ Sending prayers for your daughter and your whole family ~ May this be the first step of a never ending journey of recovery for your Sweet Betsy ~

 

[standswithcourage]

how did you get her into treatment and where did she go?

 

[standswithcourage]

how did you get her into treatment and where?

 

[Fran]

Mrs. McNear, what a sad story that we read about some of our kids. The self destruction and self degradation is so bitter a taste in a mother's mouth. Many, many hugs.

It sounds like she is more of a dual diagnosis program candidate than just drug rehab or just mental health treatment. I don't recall if she has had been to a dual diagnosis type treatment center. It's obvious that she must be in a very structured setting until the temptation to run isn't so strong. She doesn't follow through when given any freedom or choice. She can't feel remorse for the child she abandoned or the remorse for the people she hurt horribly. Her hunger for drama is too great. My heart goes out to you.

As I read your post I thought about the more innocent days of parenting where our biggest fear was the kids having sex too young or trying alcohol while underage. 20/20 hindsight tells us that it was just the gateway to a more terrifying world of dysfunctional self destructive behavior.

At 21 you are so limited at what you can do to stop the downward spiral. All you can do is live your life as you please and hope it will be a beacon of peace to your little girl who is lost by her own choice. Her personal success is on her shoulders. When she makes better choices you can be more open to her but for now the distance will help you and will eventually help her.
Hugs.

 

[Hound dog]

Huge ((((hugs)))) Julie

Both you and Betsy are in my prayers. I truly hope she can reach her bottom point and make her turn around soon.

 

[witzend]

how did you get her into treatment and where did she go?

According to Julie's post, Betsy called and asked for treatment, got on a bus and checked herself into a facility two hours away from their home. Julie is determined to allow her daughter to succeed on her own at her own pace.

 

[PonyGirl]

No words.....only ((((Great Big Hugs)))))

Peace