You're still a family of five. You always will be. You haven't disowned your son. You haven't denied that you love you. He's simply in a place where you can't help him. That doesn't mean you take away your love. It means that you love him enough to let him grow, just like you did your daughter. You've given him the tools, how he uses them is up to you.
And, like your son, she's still your daughter. Just because she now has a husband who should love and cherish her doesn't mean she won't need her mom. She will. All you've done is given her the tools to succeed as an adult and as a wife and that's a pretty big "all!"
Saying you need to detach doesn't mean you don't love. To me, it means you give support and encouragement but let them succeed or fall as they choose. If they choose to succeed, you stand on the sidelines and cheer. If they choose to fail, you stand on the sidelines and cry and pray and hope their bottom isn't too far down and that they succeed in pulling themselves up. Either way, your arms are open to give them hugs.
