the troll (s) did not chase me away, but perhaps helped me know my focus is changing. I am speaking of two posters in particular who made mean comments to me about my son, his condition in prison, them being glad he is suffering, and their lack of compassion for him. that was truly amazing to see people on a support board attacking MY SON!!! I have opened up for years in truth about him and his problems and am stunned that anyone would would attack a man behind bars, paying for his DUIs, and hurt me...his mother...for crying out loud!! how is that supportive??? that is a very hard place to land!
It has made me cry for two days just to say "good bye for now".
I need to learn more about the "ant" that my son is now. he is not ant as I called him when he was skinny and wiggly and running this way and that at age 5.
Tony, as I call him and will call him from this time on, will never live with me again, but let's face it, he is my son for life. Tony is an alcoholic. drunk he is a monster, my worst nightmares come from images of him that way-- sober, he is wonderful, a great cook, so funny he cracks me up, a schmoozer, a good carpenter, so proud of being Italian, (although I am not Italian) I think he at least got those features from me, the laughter and cooking...lmao I once said you could drop him naked in an inner city and he would swagger out with designer clothes and a long cigarette, a woman on each arm. not exactly what I would be proud of, but a survivor in his own way. he will survive and hopefully emerge with his faith restored, and a more close relationship with his true father, God.
for the next two years he will be in a situation I know so litle about. it will take time to learn how it works, what he is allowed, etc. I already know he can only call one person for a few minutes every 4 days. I want to know what he can be sent in mag subscriptions as he is an avid reader. I want to be supportive of his life.
right now he is in camp hill, a place called camp H E L L by the inmates, it is archaic, and horrid. he must be there three months and then will be transferred. PA prisons are not modern, they are mostly holding cells, the inmates can have jobs but most live in fear of being stabbed, many are. there are drugs available in jails and other dangers. I am learning. some might say at least you know where he is..at least he is being fed and has a roof. that is little comfort when I know the company he is forced to keep. he cannot even drink his anxiety away. he said to me that he drank himself right into handcuffs.
I also need to be where I can be me: praying with and for others openly, listening as long as others want to be heard... even if they repeat themselves, spending time learning from parents way ahead of me in this prison stuff. gently taking those behind me on the mountain by the hand or wrapping an arm around a shoulder as I whisper to them that I will be here, dont be afraid.
I will be happy to email with anyone who wants to communicate, just PM me with your address. by next week I hope to have joined the other board and you know it takes up what computer time we have. I spent all my computer time on this board and wish to keep my friends here, but need to walk a mile with people who have made footprints in the snow for me to follow now.
It has made me cry for two days just to say "good bye for now".
I need to learn more about the "ant" that my son is now. he is not ant as I called him when he was skinny and wiggly and running this way and that at age 5.
Tony, as I call him and will call him from this time on, will never live with me again, but let's face it, he is my son for life. Tony is an alcoholic. drunk he is a monster, my worst nightmares come from images of him that way-- sober, he is wonderful, a great cook, so funny he cracks me up, a schmoozer, a good carpenter, so proud of being Italian, (although I am not Italian) I think he at least got those features from me, the laughter and cooking...lmao I once said you could drop him naked in an inner city and he would swagger out with designer clothes and a long cigarette, a woman on each arm. not exactly what I would be proud of, but a survivor in his own way. he will survive and hopefully emerge with his faith restored, and a more close relationship with his true father, God.
for the next two years he will be in a situation I know so litle about. it will take time to learn how it works, what he is allowed, etc. I already know he can only call one person for a few minutes every 4 days. I want to know what he can be sent in mag subscriptions as he is an avid reader. I want to be supportive of his life.
right now he is in camp hill, a place called camp H E L L by the inmates, it is archaic, and horrid. he must be there three months and then will be transferred. PA prisons are not modern, they are mostly holding cells, the inmates can have jobs but most live in fear of being stabbed, many are. there are drugs available in jails and other dangers. I am learning. some might say at least you know where he is..at least he is being fed and has a roof. that is little comfort when I know the company he is forced to keep. he cannot even drink his anxiety away. he said to me that he drank himself right into handcuffs.
I also need to be where I can be me: praying with and for others openly, listening as long as others want to be heard... even if they repeat themselves, spending time learning from parents way ahead of me in this prison stuff. gently taking those behind me on the mountain by the hand or wrapping an arm around a shoulder as I whisper to them that I will be here, dont be afraid.
I will be happy to email with anyone who wants to communicate, just PM me with your address. by next week I hope to have joined the other board and you know it takes up what computer time we have. I spent all my computer time on this board and wish to keep my friends here, but need to walk a mile with people who have made footprints in the snow for me to follow now.
