I love how you said, you are not abandoning but instead loving in a healthy way. I think as a mother, no matter the circumstance….you feel you are “abandoning” a child when these awful unfortunate situations arise, causing some sort of strain on the relationship resulting in disconnect. I think we then automatically associate that disconnect as abandonment which allows for misplaced guilt. It’s a Vicious cycle. Something I know I have to work on.
I am going through it also. Recently had to give my 30 yr old daughter a 30 day notice to move out of my house after she has stolen from us. Repeatedly. I was a single mom and of course blame myself all the time. She has 4 children, one that i have guardianship. I can only keep 2, her husband who is just as toxic will not allow me to keep the two younger children. My daughter suffers from meth addiction and bipolar disorder. Although, I suspect she has dependency on many drugs, including her abusive husband. I feel terrible for everyone. I cry all the time, because I am scared of what will happen to her. But I can't allow her rages and addiction fueled behaviors to take over my life anymore.I hear that voice too and then I realize that I am not abandoning but loving in a healthy way. It helps me to think of the beautiful person inside as being held captive by addiction and illness. When I give in to the demands or manipulations, I am just giving strength to the things that keep my son sick. His only hope is to realize (if he ever will) that his current path is not safe or desirable. If I make it easier, he'll not see the true consequences of his choices. I also have to remind myself that he may not mind the hard consequences and that I'll be the one suffering for him unless I find a way to detach and let him rise and fall on his own. Tough stuff and I invite you to remind me I said this anytime I falter and share about it here. Doing the right things when it's the hardest thing you'll ever do means you're an amazing parent, in my humble opinion. Blessings!