Troubled daughter distant husband

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by Jane1234, Jun 6, 2018.

  1. Jane1234

    Jane1234 New Member

    Hi all, sorta lost at the moment.
    I have a very troubled teenage daughter who has several mental health issues and is a complete handful. Continuous fighting, police comming around on several occasions, smashing things, several attemped sucides, constantly moving out and comming home, not allowed back at school. Before you say take her to see someone she has been to counselling and has seen several other medical professionals over the last 8 years, but it does continue.
    Me and her father split when she was 3 and I met a wonderful man soon after.
    This put a lot of stress on our relationship and two months ago he told me it was over he couldn't handle things anymore and he had started talking to someone else, nothing had happened but he wanted to be happy and not live this life anymore which I honestly dont blame him.
    Three weeks later me and him got back together after he rang me and told me what a mistake he made. Two weeks after that my daughter tried to slit her wrists and was taken to hospital for a week. She then decided to move in with her biological father who she hasnt had much to do with.
    my partner is now saying he doesnt know how he feels about mine and he's relationship, he loves me but he's saying that he never wants her back home with us again he just can't handle it all again.
    My daughter is 17 now.
    Feeling guilty because I love him and my daughter and want to be there for them both but feel like I have to decide.
    Do I wait for a while as I think he will get over this feeling.
    Do I leave because he is now unsure of us.
    Do I agree with what he's asking as I know it's a lot for a parent to go through let alone a step parent.
    It sounds really terrible but I feel like I've had my turn at raising her it's now her biological father's turn.
    I know it won't be long before she wants to come home.
     
  2. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    I would try marital counseling and truthfully if daughter is no worse with her father let her stay there. She will soon be 18 and legally you will be unable to do anything for her without her permission and compliance.

    This is sudden of your hubby. Does he maybe have somebody else? In therapy you may find that it is more complex than your daughter only, although I understand him not wanting to live with her.

    Do you have other kids? Kids together? I would not want daughter home if there are other kids. And if you must choose...you deserve to be happy too. You can't control your daughters illness. Only she can. Your husband will be there for you long after daughter is not...
     
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  3. RN0441

    RN0441 100% better than I was but not at 100% yet

    Hi Jane

    Sounds like a lonely place to be.

    Is your daughter using drugs by chance? Just sounds like some of the signs.....

    I agree with SWOT, she is almost an adult and let her stay with her dad and be thankful she has a dad to go to!!

    If the man you are with is the love of your life then you should really try to make it work. Those don't come around that often.

    Agree therapy is always good. I know my husband and I would NOT have lasted if it had not been HIS own son that was causing our problems. No way. Very very hard on a marriage.
     
  4. Jane1234

    Jane1234 New Member

    Thanks somewhere out there and RN0441
    He was talking to another female for 4 months he was attracted to her but nothing happened, after two weeks of not being with me, he stopped talking to her and he came back.
    He's been feeling unwanted for over a year and I can see why because most of my attention was towards other things.
    He has also wanted a child of he's own and this is something we both didn't really try for.
    She smokes pot but as far as I know nothing else.
    I also have another daughter who is 19 she lives with us and thier relationship is wonderful.

    I'm thinking about moving out for a while so he can be by himself and think about things and what he wants.
     
  5. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    How is the 19 year old with all this chaos from her sister?
     
  6. Jane1234

    Jane1234 New Member

    Miss 19 has learnt to handle it and not pay much attention to it when it's happening, she does try to resolve conflict between miss 17 and other people before it gets out of hand. Miss 19 misses her sister as they have the bestfriend/worst enemy relationship together.
    it's not the first time 17 has left home for a period of time it's about the 5 time in the last 4 years, 17 isn't bad every day normally two or three times a week she'll have an outburst at least.
    The older one has also decided that she will stay with my partner if I do move out to another area as tafe and her job are in the area we are currently in.