Two days to go and I’m done...

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by MissLulu, Mar 19, 2020.

  1. MissLulu

    MissLulu Active Member

    With two days to go until he moves into our investment property Difficult Child has had a massive meltdown, screamed abuse at me and driven off to who knows where.

    I am so done. We have given so much to no avail. Every time I think he’s improving something like this happens.

    He has paid the bond and first month’s rent to the agent and has signed a lease so he will, I assume, be moving in. All his stuff is still here in my home so I presume he will be back here to collect it. My husband and I will be asking him to give us his keys back and not to come here without prior arrangement.

    I’m finally at the point where I can let go. He will never again live in my home after tomorrow.
    I’m so angry and disappointed at his lack of respect and gratitude.

    I don’t know what I’ve done to deserve this pain.
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  2. Beta

    Beta Active Member

    Oh MissLulu, I am so, so sorry. I feel the hurt and disappointment you must be feeling right now. As I said the other day, you and your husband are so gracious and kind to have done this for him, and this behavior of his is inexcusable and rotten. Why do these kids behave this way? It's baffling, isn't it? Normal people do not behave this way; normal people love, respect, and appreciate their parents, and they appreciate it when other people are good to them. I think there's something missing from these kids of ours, or, something WENT MISSING in these kids. I know with our son, Josh, he was a sweet, kind, happy little boy, but something changed somewhere. I bet your son was once that way too, and it hurts to see what they have become.

    I'm glad to hear you say that you are at a point where you can let go. I know that's a hard point to come to. You have every right to be angry and disappointed; any reasonable person would be. I think you are doing the right thing for yourselves when you ask for your keys back and insist he not come to your home uninvited. It's time to protect yourselves. As parents, we are used to giving and nurturing and that's what we want to do, but I've come to realize that some people just can't be fixed with our love and sacrifice. Only God can fix them, and even then, they have to want to be fixed.

    You have done NOTHING to deserve this. Not to be preachy, but God tells us "to honor our father and mother." He didn't say, "Honor your father and mother if they are good parents." Regardless of whether we were the worst parents on the face of the earth, kids are to obey that command. Your son (and mine) has not done this. The sad thing is, God takes that command very seriously, and they will reap the consequences of that choice.

    Stay strong and may you have God's comfort in your heart right now.
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  3. BusynMember

    BusynMember Well-Known Member

    Miss Lulu, none of us did anything to deserve this, including you. We were good, stable, living parents.

    Sometimes there are no reasons we can see.

    I hope he just moved into his house and calms down

    Prayers, love and be well.
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  4. newstart

    newstart Active Member

    Hang tight Miss Lulu, My daughter did the same thing. I think the behavior comes from being scared to live on their own and to have to work to pay for their bills. After my daughter got a grip and had a complete meltdown and mania that went wild, she got moved in and got a start.. Let's hope your son can do the same. I know how DONE you are with his behavior, I know how worn out to the bone you feel. I promise, the feeling of peace and harmony will return once he is out of your home and you can breathe. Keep us posted.
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  5. ChickPea

    ChickPea Active Member

    Sorry, hon. You didn't do anything to deserve it. It just IS.
    Sometimes we need to get to our own point. I reached mine (the living with us thing) years ago, tried it again, and can't go back there. Be good to yourself. Hugs.
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  6. MissLulu

    MissLulu Active Member

    Thanks to everyone who has posted a reply so far. Your words have really brought me comfort. I want to reply to each of you individually but am flat out working today. I’ll be back later! Thank you again xxx
  7. Albatross

    Albatross Well-Known Member

    You didn’t do anything to deserve it, Miss Lulu. Far from it.

    May your home soon be restored to peace, and I hope you can soon rest in the knowledge that you have truly gone above and beyond.
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  8. Blindsided

    Blindsided Face the Sun

    Totally true from my perspective.
  9. Blindsided

    Blindsided Face the Sun

    Miss LuLu, you have done all you can. I am glad to hear you have set boundaries that will allow you some peace and quiet. Out of site may not be out of mind, but it will sure help.

    Wishing you strength and resolve
  10. RN0441

    RN0441 100% better than I was but not at 100% yet

    Miss LuLu

    This too shall pass. Maybe he is just freaking out a little bit right now and doesn't know how to handle it.

    I can tell that you and your husband are great parents. This is not on you.

    Stay on course.

    Prayers to you that you can get some TRUE peace soon!
  11. Overwhelmed1

    Overwhelmed1 Active Member

    Hi Miss LuLu. Sorry you are in pain right now. I pray that after tommorow you will feel a big sigh of relief and a sense of peace.
    Prayers for you and your family.
  12. Triedntrue

    Triedntrue Well-Known Member

    Why do they bite themselves in the a#:: everytime?
  13. MissLulu

    MissLulu Active Member

    Hello all! Thanks so much for your lovely messages. I'm sorry it's taken so long for me to get back to you. I've been so busy due to the pandemic. I am an author and I have a new book coming out next month. I was supposed to go on a national tour to promote the book but now that can't happen. My publicist is madly trying to book alternatives - like podcasts, radio spots etc. I've had to write and record a lot of additional content for promotion, which I really hadn't anticipated.

    Add to that, my husband, my youngest son and I and are all at high risk for the virus. Youngest son and I are in self isolation, but hubby works in an essential service so is still going to work. He's taking all the precautions, but I am very worried that he will get it - and give it to us! I'm spending a LOT of time cleaning and disinfecting! Difficult Child is also high risk - he's an asthmatic - but of course he's not following the guidelines properly. Happy to say that I haven't really worried too much about that - what he does is out of my hands.

    The move went well. There are now three of them living in the house and sharing the rent, which is good because it makes it more affordable for them. So many people are out of work here because of the pandemic and it's only going to get worse. We are fully expecting at least one of the boys in the house will lose their job, but they seem confident that they will be able to afford the rent for at least the next few months. We haven't said so, but we will decrease the rent to make it affordable for them if any of them are stood down from their jobs due to the virus. Of course we can't do that forever, but while things are in strict lockdown we will be accommodating.

    I have to say, I'm so happy to have him out of the house. We immediately cleaned his room and put a guest bed in there. It looks lovely and it makes me happy every time I walk past it. Instead of a smelly, dark room where the blinds were always drawn and the door shut, it's now light and airy. Of course the worry of Difficult Child hasn't completely disappeared, but I am feeling SO much better mentally than when he was here. We are not seeing very much of him - the virus has actually helped us to maintain boundaries - but we have been in contact via phone. So far (it's only been a week!) all is going well. Keep your fingers crossed that no nasty surprises lurk around the corner.
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  14. Beta

    Beta Active Member

    Miss LuLu, so glad to hear that he's moved out and that things are better for you. What is the book you have written, if I might ask?
  15. RN0441

    RN0441 100% better than I was but not at 100% yet

    Amen and YAY.

    So happy for you. Promising and optimistic post!
  16. MissLulu

    MissLulu Active Member

    Beta, this is my sixth novel to be released but only a couple have come out in the US. The others are only available in Australia and NZ. I'm happy to message you privately to tell you the titles, but I don't want to say publicly - just so I don't identify myself! I haven't used the message function on here before, so maybe if you'd like me to list the titles you could message me and I'll reply!
  17. newstart

    newstart Active Member

    MissLulu, So glad for your update as I was wondering how the transition went. I knew you would feel immediate relief as you got your son out and on his own. He is now forced to grow up and think about adult things. I pray that this works out for you and that your son will grow up and do the right things. Good luck.