uggh...i couldnt hold back my words to their dad...

[buddy]

HUGS! I'm with HaoZi, maybe it is time to start your own, small family traditions. No extended family. Just you guys building happy times together. (ps I'm single for as long as I can forsee too... just could not add that to my plate right now, it is not a bad thing to take care of ourselves that way...) I personally dont think you sound crazy, I wasn't saying that, I was just saying I can see how in your situation you could feel pulled in so many different directions. If your son's psychiatric evaluation said that, then the person who did it was very unprofessional because unless he had you fill out paperwork and unless he did evalutions/interviews etc. all specificially about YOU then he had no business saying anything about your state of health at all.

 

[Confused]

thanks. No he said he wanted to go, see he has a bad heart and losing his eyesight so he wanted to go before he got worse.But he said he couldn't take my ******&^ all day. I have not been an angel! I don't know, in my world, its my fault period!

 

[buddy]

AA people help me out... isn't the term for that " stinkin' thinkin' " (LOL) I hope you mean they think it is your fault not that YOU think it is... you are in a tough position so right now, just need to make your little part of the world nice... no worries what they think.

 

[HaoZi]

You're still being much nicer than I would be by now. I still have enough gfgness in me that if I kept blamed for everything sooner or later I'd say heck with it, if I'm gonna get blamed then I'm gonna earn it and have fun doing it.
Possible he'd just take the kids and not you? While you'd miss out you might need that alone time to recharge. Or is that not even a viable option whatsoever?

 

[Confused]

Well, since I live with my dad, we all wanted to do this for many reasons. This would have been our first time there, and our first time leaving town on a holiday. Ya, being obese,I don't get the dates, but even if I did or I was thin, it is a lot more stuff to deal with! But even then, looking on my past, I am meant to be single,not even dates. And no, not talking about being a nun. I didn't think you said I sounded crazy. But its just hard to believe that if someone goes through over two years of their child being violent,hours of tantrums, complete deffience,ya, I would think we deserve a little self-pitty and a good cry! His tantrums are not hours now-yeah! But starting up again. I think I have held it together ok all these years, but I am just shocked that a parent or even a person is not aloud to cry when sad or frustrated etc. Hey reminds me after I found out my first pregnancy- they called it spontaneous abortion. Anyway, that night I found out, I stayed with my kids father and we laid down to go to sleep. He fell asleep and I was crying, he asked in a non caring voice"why are you crying?"!!!! I cried before,during and after the funeral too, and sometimes when I visit his grave or my moms/grandparents. I could only imagine what that Dr would of said then!

 

[buddy]

you mean the psychiatric said you are crazy if you cry over how hard it is to parent a difficult child??? HOLY cow, then I bet there are hundreds of crazies right here on this site!

 

[Confused]

Oh no, he canceled the rooms as well as our animal care taker. Plus, him driving many hours and handling especially my son? No way, Since my son has been with his issues or problems at 11/2 old, we 90% have the two of us to handle him,especially somewhere like Disney or long distances! I overall wanted to go. So, I was going to get me a room for 24 hours and just relax! Maybe even one of those suites with a hot tub? haha one day!

 

[Confused]

buddy,
Yes I do blame myself as they do. And yes, he said I was the one who needed the help not my son because I was crying and told him there is something wrong with him.He said there was something wrong with me, II need help, I said"Yes, help me learn how to handle my out of control son" He said he was fine I needed to let him grow and make an appointment for me! Hundreds of crazies here on this site, I like that!

 

[HaoZi]

You and me both, hon.

 

[buddy]

YOu must have the same doctor as Crystal72! She says the same things.

 

[ready2run]

my son's psychiatrist said i had mental health issues too when i started crying in her office. then she called CAS to come check on me...ugh..... i called he back and i said 'you try sitting in walk in with difficult child for 5 hours, unmedicated and then being sent back to the psychiatric to sit with him another 2 hours and see if you are not stressed. you could not handle him being in your office for more than 15 min!"
as for ex.. he sounds like my ex. my ex died from alcohol poisoning. he was not the father of my kids though i did get pregnant by him but the baby was still born. could you and his other baby momma not get together and call CPS in to do something to help you? if they agree with you they might get the courts to start listening. sounds like you have alot on your plate and you need to do something about it. first of all i would get to an al-anon meeting. if you can find one they have al-anon meeting for kids as well, to help them deal with parents who drink, ect. sounds like ex has some mental health issues too that he needs treated. i don't envy you. i complain about husband alot, he isn't all that helpful and he is always gone out or playing video games but at least he is not like our ex's. i would also recomend you learn to meditate. being able to do so has saved me from a lot of anxiety. i am not a hippy either, i learned to meditate at therapy. it had been a good tool for me. i am also a big girl and i don't see why you can't go to the spa or date because of that. that's no reason to hide yourself away. sure, i would probably skip out on the massage but i would go for a steam, a facial and a mani-pedi.

 

[BusynMember]

It's time to fire the psychiatrist and get a new one.

 

[InsaneCdn]

you mean the psychiatric said you are crazy if you cry over how hard it is to parent a difficult child??? HOLY cow, then I bet there are hundreds of crazies right here on this site!

This is, of course, not uncommon.

However, there are two sides. Not for those of us on this board... but in general.
psychiatrists and tdocs, of course, can't tell the diff...

Option 1) Parent has problems, which then creates or amplifies problems in the kid. YES, this does happen. However, those kinds of parents don't tend to come to places like this to get help...

Option 2) Kid has problems, which then creates or amplifies problems in the parent. Sound familiar?


In reality - both problems exist, and there's no way the psychiatrist/therapist can tell which problem came first. And just from experience with both medical and school staff? It almost looks like they are trained to assume parent problems came first.

Unless you get things figured out by whatever other means and make progress on difficult child followed by progress with yourself... at which point, they don't necessarily admit you were right, but they do quietly drop the subject of the parent being the cause of the difficult child's problems...

 

[Confused]

Thanks everyone! Yes, I see everyone's points on the Docs! I will see what I can do. Mediation, great idea!As far as ready2run, I'm sorry to hear that about your ex. CPS can do nothing unless something happens with him. He hasnt seen other kids in years and mine, I am usually there, but now he's married again.. we will see how she and him will be. I will not be there. So we both have court orders for the alcohol and other issues, if he violates it, we can take him to court. As the Lawyer said..until something happens there is no cause.InsaneCdn,I do see your point. I am sure I contributed to a little of his behavior but my daughter may be quit but is not like him.I know, all kids are different,boys are more wild and harder. But to me, he is just beyond the normal " he's all boy saying". I guess time will tell huh? Thanks all for writing!

 

[InsaneCdn]

For us... difficult child's problems came first, but... by the time I spent several years running on 4 hrs of sleep a night, I can see now where the condition I was in wasn't exactly helping. However... "just look after yourself and everything else will turn out fine" doesn't work either. Its just a tough row to hoe. Ours... is getting better. I'm getting more like 6 hrs of sleep <grin>. Even therapist notices a diff... but, changes in difficult child came first.

My main point was that tdocs and psychiatrists are going to see the parent problems as primary, by default... but in real life that is not necessarily true.

 

[Confused]

Hi InsaneCdn,
Your right. It is hard to change some habits of our own,especially when we have a lot on our minds as well.6 hours is better than 4! I know, it is hard to get everyone on the same page to try to work together.