Trying, right now and for awhile now you have operated as if your center of gravity is in your son. It's like his mouth is attached to your brain, and your brain is attached to his mouth. You react to him as if he plays you, runs you, like a marionette. All of us here recognize this way of relating to our child, because we have done it too. It never, ever works. Why? Because their brains are not functioning right. Why? Because their mouths are not attached to reason, to will, to logic. Why? Because you can't live your life with an umbilical cord connecting you to an alcoholic, unless you are an addict too. And that is the reason that most of us go on with this far too long. Because we have become addicted to the disordered life of our child and our sense that we can and should help them.
Oh. We tell ourselves all kinds of things. We're their mothers. They're our babies. They might die of (x, y, z). It is our responsibility to show them the right way to live and to guide them through the change process. And we say hundreds of more things that are just as irrational and foolhardy as the ones I just wrote. I know they are foolhardy because I was the fool.
Your son will keep doing the illogical, chaotic, inconsistent, dramatic and self-defeating things that he has been doing. There is not one thing that you can do to stop him or to make him do other things, which are better, smarter, healthier, etc. If you look back at your threads you will see the chaos which has aleady ensued. Of course there are disasters and health risks and losses, and more losses. Why? Because he is an alcoholic/addict. He has never seriously taken on recovery. Why? Because things have not gotten bad enough to motivate him. He does not want to recover, bad enough. If he did, he would try. Maybe he will never choose to recover.
And what will you do then? Will you do this the rest of your life? Will you throw away your life force and your money to keep going round and round with somebody who may pay lip service to changing, who extracts support and resources, by mouthing words that look like he wants to do this or that, who creates a three ring circus all around him over and over again? Is this the life you choose? It seems so.
There is a way out for you. You can get this monkey off of your back. The monkey is NOT your son. The monkey is your addiction to this circus, this way of life. Until you see that you are addicted to this, you will keep abusing YOUR drug of choice. This drama. This sense that you have control. This illusion you can save him. This fear that if you stop, something horrible will happen (please let me tell you. It already is.)This fantasy that your love and power and responsibility will make a difference. It won't.
For some reason you just don't want to hear it. I don't know who wrote it, but somebody did on this thread. We all have an inner timetable of how long we have to go on. And what it will take for us to put the burden down. You are already so sick and tired, Trying. When will it be enough for you?
