Was told not to bring difficult child back to school.
- Thread starter Shari
- Start date
BusynMember
Well-Known Member
Shari, aids cost a lot of $$$ so of course your SD is going to balk at getting one. Ours did. Call your Dept. of Public Education and tell them about your problems and then ask for the Parent/Student Education Advocate IN YOUR AREA. They don't cost anything. Why should you pay for an aide? THEY are supposed to do that. Usually there is an aide in the classroom for two or three kids and there is little stigma as most of the kids don't even know who the aide is there for. My son has learned A LOT from his aide. "Stigma" my rear 
Fight, fight, fight. Get an Advocate and you shouldn't have to pay one dime for your son's Free and APPROPRIATE Public Education. Never talk to a SD alone. Never go without your Advocate. It will change the SD's attitude. FAST.
Fight, fight, fight. Get an Advocate and you shouldn't have to pay one dime for your son's Free and APPROPRIATE Public Education. Never talk to a SD alone. Never go without your Advocate. It will change the SD's attitude. FAST.
Lothlorien
Well-Known Member
Can you get him in at a sleep clinic?
I don't get over here to general that often, so I'm not familiar with all the details of your difficult child's situation. I'm thinking that if you just put him in public school and the teacher sees some problems, you are likely to get that IEP a lot faster. In public school, they HAVE to deal with this. You may have better results. They will get the neuropsychologist evaluation and perhaps that will change his diagnosis.
I hope the new year is brighter for you and difficult child.
I don't get over here to general that often, so I'm not familiar with all the details of your difficult child's situation. I'm thinking that if you just put him in public school and the teacher sees some problems, you are likely to get that IEP a lot faster. In public school, they HAVE to deal with this. You may have better results. They will get the neuropsychologist evaluation and perhaps that will change his diagnosis.
I hope the new year is brighter for you and difficult child.
Steely
Active Member
Just wanted to offer hugs, and let you know I have been there done that with difficult child. I am not in a place where I can really read through your whole post - but when I have time I will, and give you my 2 cents for what it is worth. This was the centerpiece of my difficult children school life - getting kicked out - so you are not alone.
Marguerite
Active Member
"...he has heard her lecture, for 20 minutes, that she and the rest of the staff don't want him there"
Then he would need to hear her say, "I apologise, I had absolutely no power to make such a statement" and frankly, I don't see that happening. If the director had any guts, she would have stepped in long ago and made this teacher eat her words. But for tis teacher to say this, so emphatically, and repeatedly for so long? She feels mighty confident that what she says, goes. And why does she feel so confident? Because somehow, in some way, she knows the director will not stand up to her.
I agree that he needs closure - what about you going in with him to say goodbye? He doesn't stay for a full day, he goes in with you (prepared ahead of time by the director, to make sure there will be no problem from the difficult teacher) to clean out his desk, to maybe stay for long enough to play at recess, then leave on a good note? That has to be much healthier than the current situation. And if that creepy teacher insists he has to leave on the bad note she threw him out on, so he will "learn his lesson", then i do think the director has to stand up for difficult child to insist on a good closure. It's bad for the school to see what they saw the other day; it's bad for the school to have parents able to say. "that school threw my son out, he left on a really bad note."
I really think this director sounds very gutless, when it comes to dealing with this teacher. There can be many good reasons for this, including politics of who actually runs the school,' who funds it, who is connected to whom in the town - when you really need someone, you will put up with a great deal from them.
We have a new principal coming in at the local school here. The previous principal was Acting principal, for 18 months, and did a really good job. However, because he was Acting, he was restricted. The previous (not Acting, but permanent long-term) principal was a lovely bloke, a good friend, but a total wimp when it came to standing up to his staff. I had to pull my kids out of there - three times. The fourth child, they refused to enrol because they saw her as a liability, so I sent her to another school that saw her as an opportunity. I could have legally forced the issue and made them take her, but they would have one way or another got rid of her, or "found the evidence" that it wasn't working. The situation was too delicate so we moved her.
On the subject of applying leverage to your director, if she continues to say that difficult child doesn't need a 1:1, then point out that she may well have been correct (although why did she have a 1:1 in her own school?) but now he has been traumatised and damage done, it is going to take careful supervision and a lot of 1:1 patience to undo the damage she allowed to happen in her school, by NOT keeping that teacher away from him (or sacking her) as should have happened. You gave her fair warning that there were problems; the current situation was entirely forseeable, which makes it legally actionable should you choose to sue.
Of course, you don't want to sue. All you want is a 1:1 in the public school, where you shouldn't have to send him, but for the mess the director has allowed you all to get into.
Good luck, let us know how you get on.
Marg
Then he would need to hear her say, "I apologise, I had absolutely no power to make such a statement" and frankly, I don't see that happening. If the director had any guts, she would have stepped in long ago and made this teacher eat her words. But for tis teacher to say this, so emphatically, and repeatedly for so long? She feels mighty confident that what she says, goes. And why does she feel so confident? Because somehow, in some way, she knows the director will not stand up to her.
I agree that he needs closure - what about you going in with him to say goodbye? He doesn't stay for a full day, he goes in with you (prepared ahead of time by the director, to make sure there will be no problem from the difficult teacher) to clean out his desk, to maybe stay for long enough to play at recess, then leave on a good note? That has to be much healthier than the current situation. And if that creepy teacher insists he has to leave on the bad note she threw him out on, so he will "learn his lesson", then i do think the director has to stand up for difficult child to insist on a good closure. It's bad for the school to see what they saw the other day; it's bad for the school to have parents able to say. "that school threw my son out, he left on a really bad note."
I really think this director sounds very gutless, when it comes to dealing with this teacher. There can be many good reasons for this, including politics of who actually runs the school,' who funds it, who is connected to whom in the town - when you really need someone, you will put up with a great deal from them.
We have a new principal coming in at the local school here. The previous principal was Acting principal, for 18 months, and did a really good job. However, because he was Acting, he was restricted. The previous (not Acting, but permanent long-term) principal was a lovely bloke, a good friend, but a total wimp when it came to standing up to his staff. I had to pull my kids out of there - three times. The fourth child, they refused to enrol because they saw her as a liability, so I sent her to another school that saw her as an opportunity. I could have legally forced the issue and made them take her, but they would have one way or another got rid of her, or "found the evidence" that it wasn't working. The situation was too delicate so we moved her.
On the subject of applying leverage to your director, if she continues to say that difficult child doesn't need a 1:1, then point out that she may well have been correct (although why did she have a 1:1 in her own school?) but now he has been traumatised and damage done, it is going to take careful supervision and a lot of 1:1 patience to undo the damage she allowed to happen in her school, by NOT keeping that teacher away from him (or sacking her) as should have happened. You gave her fair warning that there were problems; the current situation was entirely forseeable, which makes it legally actionable should you choose to sue.
Of course, you don't want to sue. All you want is a 1:1 in the public school, where you shouldn't have to send him, but for the mess the director has allowed you all to get into.
Good luck, let us know how you get on.
Marg
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Shari
IsItFridayYet?
Well, I just got off the phone with the director. She did not beg us to stay; however, I really didn't open the conversation with that as an option. Several times she seemed to hint that he could, but I ignored it.
We are not finished talking and working out the details, but she is ok with him going back to leave on a positive note, and she says she will back us in the need for a 1:1 in public school. We will see.
Now to break the news to difficult child that he really and truly isn't going back there. Not looking forward to that.
We are not finished talking and working out the details, but she is ok with him going back to leave on a positive note, and she says she will back us in the need for a 1:1 in public school. We will see.
Now to break the news to difficult child that he really and truly isn't going back there. Not looking forward to that.
Marguerite
Active Member
Tell him that he's moving to a school where he doesn't have to deal with problem teacher again. That might help.
he needs the positive spin on EVERYTHING. Poor kid - life is difficult enough, without feeling the way he's been made to feel about himself.
I hope it goes OK for you.
I suspect the director is feeling relieved.
You COULD have forced the issue, you both know it (you and the director) but really, what would it gain difficult child, if it means he would still have to deal with problem teacher? Because clearly, the director wasn't going to do anything radical with staffing.
Marg
he needs the positive spin on EVERYTHING. Poor kid - life is difficult enough, without feeling the way he's been made to feel about himself.
I hope it goes OK for you.
I suspect the director is feeling relieved.
You COULD have forced the issue, you both know it (you and the director) but really, what would it gain difficult child, if it means he would still have to deal with problem teacher? Because clearly, the director wasn't going to do anything radical with staffing.
Marg
Stella Johnson
Active Member
I agree with Fran. This is not the proper place for him. The staff doesn't want him there and they aren't properly trained to handle a difficult child. It's a blessing in disguise. It could be worse, the other parents could try to file a criminal complaint for him assaulting the other kids.
Just reassure him that he will make new friends soon. You probably won't be able to get 1 on 1 right away. That takes time and trial and error with the schools.
You need to ask them if they have any self contained classes. Most of these only have 5 to 6 students, a teacher, and an aid or two. They are trained for this type of kiddo.
Sorry you are going through this. I know how it feels. I can't count how many times my difficult child was thrown out of day cares and suspended in Kindergarten by a monster they callled a Principal.
Steph
Just reassure him that he will make new friends soon. You probably won't be able to get 1 on 1 right away. That takes time and trial and error with the schools.
You need to ask them if they have any self contained classes. Most of these only have 5 to 6 students, a teacher, and an aid or two. They are trained for this type of kiddo.
Sorry you are going through this. I know how it feels. I can't count how many times my difficult child was thrown out of day cares and suspended in Kindergarten by a monster they callled a Principal.
Steph
Shari
IsItFridayYet?
It was good while the good lasted. Now its time to move on.
Any lawsuits would be hard-pressed to prove difficult child guilty when its documented and the teacher admitted that she disciplined by getting in his face and telling him "boo hoo, waa waa"...but that's not the point. You're right, it could be worse, and I totally agree. It could have been better, too, if that witch would just stop trying to prove that hard-lining him will "fix" him. Once he is in a new place, I may go back and visit with her. We'll see.
The more time goes by, the angrier I get at the way she handled this. She said they've been dealing with "this" for 18 months and its not getting any better. I should have asked her what things she's done to try to change and work with him? If you do what you always did, you'll get what you've always got....
That was a conversation to be held privately between me and the staff; that was not something difficult child needed to hear. It could have been handled such that he could have come back from break for 2 weeks with someone from my family shadowing him while we worked on another placement on a not so emergency basis - when they have said they needed help, I was ALWAYS there, either personally or I brought in someone to help with him. They owe me the backing to get a 1:1 and maybe a little refund as well. I will have to take several days unpaid to get this done now, and it didn't have to be this way. Not at all.
Any lawsuits would be hard-pressed to prove difficult child guilty when its documented and the teacher admitted that she disciplined by getting in his face and telling him "boo hoo, waa waa"...but that's not the point. You're right, it could be worse, and I totally agree. It could have been better, too, if that witch would just stop trying to prove that hard-lining him will "fix" him. Once he is in a new place, I may go back and visit with her. We'll see.
The more time goes by, the angrier I get at the way she handled this. She said they've been dealing with "this" for 18 months and its not getting any better. I should have asked her what things she's done to try to change and work with him? If you do what you always did, you'll get what you've always got....
That was a conversation to be held privately between me and the staff; that was not something difficult child needed to hear. It could have been handled such that he could have come back from break for 2 weeks with someone from my family shadowing him while we worked on another placement on a not so emergency basis - when they have said they needed help, I was ALWAYS there, either personally or I brought in someone to help with him. They owe me the backing to get a 1:1 and maybe a little refund as well. I will have to take several days unpaid to get this done now, and it didn't have to be this way. Not at all.
Marguerite
Active Member
"She said they've been dealing with "this" for 18 months and its not getting any better."
As you said, Shari - if you put in what you always do, don't complain if you get what you always got.
Or as I put it, if your discipline method isn't working, then stop doing it and switch to something that DOES work. Or maybe listen to those who ARE having some success?
Flippin' idiot.
Then again, she got what she wanted. She finally won and forced him out.
If the child wasn't the focus here, you could be within your rights to force the issue and insist he stay. But he's been traumatised enough.
Shari, you've done a great job in handling this and you're proof positive that teamwork is the way to go. The only reason you did not succeed here, was that "this witch" as you politely describe her, sabotaged the teamwork.
I wish you much better success at the public school.
Marg
As you said, Shari - if you put in what you always do, don't complain if you get what you always got.
Or as I put it, if your discipline method isn't working, then stop doing it and switch to something that DOES work. Or maybe listen to those who ARE having some success?
Flippin' idiot.
Then again, she got what she wanted. She finally won and forced him out.
If the child wasn't the focus here, you could be within your rights to force the issue and insist he stay. But he's been traumatised enough.
Shari, you've done a great job in handling this and you're proof positive that teamwork is the way to go. The only reason you did not succeed here, was that "this witch" as you politely describe her, sabotaged the teamwork.
I wish you much better success at the public school.
Marg
TerryJ2
Well-Known Member
Grrr, Shari, I'm grinding my teeth.
Good riddance to them. I agree with-Marg, the dir. is a gutless wuss.
You are doing a good job and will figure it out. I am SO sorry they are making the situation even more difficult. That teacher is far too self-righteous in all the wrong ways.
I like Marg's idea about telling difficult child that he won't have to deal with-this teacher any more.
Let us know if you go back in to clean out the desk. I will send calming vibes.
Good riddance to them. I agree with-Marg, the dir. is a gutless wuss.
You are doing a good job and will figure it out. I am SO sorry they are making the situation even more difficult. That teacher is far too self-righteous in all the wrong ways.
I like Marg's idea about telling difficult child that he won't have to deal with-this teacher any more.
Let us know if you go back in to clean out the desk. I will send calming vibes.
Shari
IsItFridayYet?
Lillians,
Legal to kick him out? Yes. Since this is a private school, they do not have an obligation to accommodate or educate my child the same as a public school does. They could boot him out for not liking his clothes, if they wanted.
However, I would be suprised if we didn't have some legal recourse. Particularly with the "bad" teacher. There were supports for that teacher to use, and she refused, and, while that's her perogative, to be so detrimental and derogatory and to use class humiliation and mockery to deal with my son in an educational setting, wasn't. I have no intentions of pursuing it; however, at least part of this mess probably is actionable.
Legal to kick him out? Yes. Since this is a private school, they do not have an obligation to accommodate or educate my child the same as a public school does. They could boot him out for not liking his clothes, if they wanted.
However, I would be suprised if we didn't have some legal recourse. Particularly with the "bad" teacher. There were supports for that teacher to use, and she refused, and, while that's her perogative, to be so detrimental and derogatory and to use class humiliation and mockery to deal with my son in an educational setting, wasn't. I have no intentions of pursuing it; however, at least part of this mess probably is actionable.
