Weed isn't a drug? Really?

[tiredintexas]

Hi,
First time posting. I will start by saying I am glad this is here. As of last night, with the help of counseling, we are finally strong and ready and all my son no more room to manipulate, lie and disrespect our home.
We are involved in a program in Dallas that has the goal of empowering the parents. We did not get to to this place easily. We started with a perfect child. Until he was 17 1/2. After that, he started with weed and graduated to everything under the son. Not heroin yet (he is good good for that ). Due to all of his recreational usage, he has a seizure disorder, had to take a medical leave from college for 2 semesters, was a in jail for a night, can't drive yet (20 years old now), made his younger brother completely anxious and stressed all the time. Went to a 60 day program and based on his claim that he "realizes he has an addiction and even pot is a drug" we took him in 3 months ago. HE says he is doing everything right. Going to school again, and I guess that also means not being obvious about his drug use. Caught him with weed twice, he drank a bottle of vanilla extract and managed to get a xanax pill from someone. We have tried everything. Tough love, no money, being his cheerleader, everything. Thing is, if the addict does not see a problem, nothing will change and that is a fact. So, with that in mind we are in a support situation in which when we catch him again, we will leave no room to negotiate. Either you can be homeless (again) or go to treatment. At the end of the day, the rest of our family does not deserve this even if he dies when he is homeless this time.
For people new to kids and drugs, do not let anyone tell you that it is not addictive. About 15% of young users become truly psychologically addicted. If they tell you no one has overdosed from weed. That's true but it sure takes away a person's potential and drive for future success and oh by the way, when you get really deep into it, the nausea while withdrawing is a nightmare and the depression and psychotic thinking is often not something that you can fix.
I hope we will stay strong and move forward....
Have a peaceful day,
tired if it in Texas

 

[Baggy Bags]

I feel ya, TinT.

My son's life was completely turned around by weed too. And even though he was experimenting with other stuff, I'm pretty sure it was the MJ that did the real damage.

When people try to tell me that he's just being a normal teenager and that it's normal for teens to smoke weed, no biggie, I want to punch them.
Granted, I did not know that cannabis could induce psychotic episodes or onset mental illness. But here we are.
It takes about 2 seconds to find the studies online, but people don't want to believe.

I'm glad you're here for support and information. And I hope your son takes advantage of the opportunity you are giving him.

 

[tiredintexas]

He won’t, but we are hopefully finally willing to remove ourselves from his crazy train.

 

[startingfresh]

My son's life was also completely changed by weed. Took away pretty much everything good he had in his life. Ironically, he convinced himself and tried to convince us it was the only thing keeping him happy. Oh, the hell we have all been through. He is clawing his way back but so much lost. I am sorry for your need to be here but you will find support for certain.

 

[RN0441]

Welcome

Our son started with weed at 15. It grows in the ground blah blah. I smoked a lot of it in high school but I never got addicted thankfully. I am not against it but I do think, like alcohol, some should not touch it because "it" whatever it may be, takes over their life. We thought our son was going through a phase like we went through but sadly that was NOT the case.

Weed led my son to other drugs and here we are seven years later. We've done everything under the sun to "help" him and at times he has admitted that he has a problem also. He would do well after rehab for about three months but not really accomplish anything, and would then go back to pills etc. He is doing well now in a long term faith based program. I hope that it sticks so he can have a normal life. It's very scary and I know way more about drugs and addiction that I ever wanted to know.

My salvation has been this forum and seeing a therapist that specializes in addiction. This is NOT normal parenting and the "kids" are good at getting in between their parent's marriage. It's a horrible position to be in. That is for sure.

I think sober living after treatment is best rather than letting them come home. It just starts the cycle over - at least it did for us.

It sounds like you know what you are doing so keep posting and reading. Good luck to you.

 

[BusynMember]

"It's healthy! It's a plant! Natural." Ugh.

I am not a pot fan. Or alcohol. Some are fine with both in moderation. Pot is rarely used in moderation.

 

[New Leaf]

Hi TinT, so sorry for your need to be here but glad you found us. I am in total agreement where pot is concerned. I do value it’s medicinal use, but like anything else, including alcohol, in the wrong hands it is a nightmare. I am completely convinced that it is more potent than ever, and oft mixed with other more addictive drugs. I don’t believe there is anything as “just pot.” That’s what my daughters said, “ I just smoke weed, Mom.”
Huh.
My two started with pot at a young age. We didn’t think at the time it was a factor, but looking back the ah hah moment hit. It completely altered both of my daughters. We thought it was hormones, teen angst, rebellion, it was all of that exacerbated with pot. I don’t think I have really “seen” them since. That was a long time ago. They were on and off track for years and then degenerated to meth use and homelessness, and everything else that comes along with that.
I too, had younger children living through the craziness of all of this, while my two drifted in and out of our home under the guise of needing help. What that turned out to be was their drama and chaos infiltrating our home. The “help” they wanted was a comfy place to stay while they continued “as is” which translated to using drugs, and using us.
There were grandchildren in the mix and cultural norms that skewed the tough love, detachment approach and it was a long 10 or so years of in and out the revolving door hell before I said enough.
In between all of that, my dear husband had open heart surgery, recovered, had two life threatening bouts with endocarditis, recovered, then sadly, almost two years ago passed from his third infection.
Sigh.
This did not change the course my daughters chose; to make meth their life above and beyond anyone and everything else.
It all started with pot.

Thing is, if the addict does not see a problem, nothing will change and that is a fact. So, with that in mind we are in a support situation in which when we catch him again, we will leave no room to negotiate. Either you can be homeless (again) or go to treatment. At the end of the day, the rest of our family does not deserve this

This is the hard truth of it. To an addict, we are the problem, and also the solution to their troubles. Not the solution we are hoping for, them to stand by promises to quit, wake up and smell the coffee, tow the line.
We solve their issue of a roof over their heads, shower, food. My daughters went beyond that and stole from us, their siblings. Brought drug friends into our home while we were working. They felt entitled to live in our home and were defiant and resentful of any expectations. Unacceptable.
I am glad you are receiving support in your plan to stand firm and give your son an ultimatum. It is really important. For you, your son, his siblings and the sanctity of your home. For your sanity.
No one deserves to be dragged down the rabbit hole of addiction along with our loved ones.
Unfortunately, it happens, we love them and they are in trouble. The thing is, addicts are cunning and manipulative and most of us are not equipped to really help them. We are not trained and prepared for what lies down the road of this. Through experience I am quite convinced that the emotional devastation we feel from being on the crazy train with our beloveds is meant to keep us dazed and confused and unable to make good decisions.
Solution.
Get tough.
Stick to your plan.
Whatever your son chooses, you keep forging ahead to strengthen yourself. Take your life back. Resist any inclination to hold off on living because “how can I live well when my son is out there...........”
My answer to that is this.
We are our children’s first mentors. Be the change you wish to see in your son. Model self care and wellness. When we are healthy, we are able to find our way through the muck and mire and establish firm boundaries.
Keep seeking support. Build your toolbox and be battle ready.
You are in a good place with your plan. I hope your son will choose getting clean over homelessness. Either way, it is a long road to recovery, yours and his.
You have come to a good place for understanding and support. Keep posting and let us know how you are doing.
You are not alone.
(((Hugs)))
Leafy

 

[tiredintexas]

Hi TinT, so sorry for your need to be here but glad you found us. I am in total agreement where pot is concerned. I do value it’s medicinal use, but like anything else, including alcohol, in the wrong hands it is a nightmare. I am completely convinced that it is more potent than ever, and oft mixed with other more addictive drugs. I don’t believe there is anything as “just pot.” That’s what my daughters said, “ I just smoke weed, Mom.”
Huh.
My two started with pot at a young age. We didn’t think at the time it was a factor, but looking back the ah hah moment hit. It completely altered both of my daughters. We thought it was hormones, teen angst, rebellion, it was all of that exacerbated with pot. I don’t think I have really “seen” them since. That was a long time ago. They were on and off track for years and then degenerated to meth use and homelessness, and everything else that comes along with that.
I too, had younger children living through the craziness of all of this, while my two drifted in and out of our home under the guise of needing help. What that turned out to be was their drama and chaos infiltrating our home. The “help” they wanted was a comfy place to stay while they continued “as is” which translated to using drugs, and using us.
There were grandchildren in the mix and cultural norms that skewed the tough love, detachment approach and it was a long 10 or so years of in and out the revolving door hell before I said enough.
In between all of that, my dear husband had open heart surgery, recovered, had two life threatening bouts with endocarditis, recovered, then sadly, almost two years ago passed from his third infection.
Sigh.
This did not change the course my daughters chose; to make meth their life above and beyond anyone and everything else.
It all started with pot.

This is the hard truth of it. To an addict, we are the problem, and also the solution to their troubles. Not the solution we are hoping for, them to stand by promises to quit, wake up and smell the coffee, tow the line.
We solve their issue of a roof over their heads, shower, food. My daughters went beyond that and stole from us, their siblings. Brought drug friends into our home while we were working. They felt entitled to live in our home and were defiant and resentful of any expectations. Unacceptable.
I am glad you are receiving support in your plan to stand firm and give your son an ultimatum. It is really important. For you, your son, his siblings and the sanctity of your home. For your sanity.
No one deserves to be dragged down the rabbit hole of addiction along with our loved ones.
Unfortunately, it happens, we love them and they are in trouble. The thing is, addicts are cunning and manipulative and most of us are not equipped to really help them. We are not trained and prepared for what lies down the road of this. Through experience I am quite convinced that the emotional devastation we feel from being on the crazy train with our beloveds is meant to keep us dazed and confused and unable to make good decisions.
Solution.
Get tough.
Stick to your plan.
Whatever your son chooses, you keep forging ahead to strengthen yourself. Take your life back. Resist any inclination to hold off on living because “how can I live well when my son is out there...........”
My answer to that is this.
We are our children’s first mentors. Be the change you wish to see in your son. Model self care and wellness. When we are healthy, we are able to find our way through the muck and mire and establish firm boundaries.
Keep seeking support. Build your toolbox and be battle ready.
You are in a good place with your plan. I hope your son will choose getting clean over homelessness. Either way, it is a long road to recovery, yours and his.
You have come to a good place for understanding and support. Keep posting and let us know how you are doing.
You are not alone.
(((Hugs)))
Leafy

Thank you so much. You are right. I hope we stay strong this time.

 

[Littleboylost]

TNT
Man I have posted the very same thought here myself.
My son is still addicted to weed! I too do not know when he will ever be able to quit.

 

[Copabanana]

My son is addicted to mj use as well. He is in a sober living now. He is 29. Almost 7 years. All of his funds to this. If he could he would have continued. But doors all around closed one after another. I think he finally could not bear homelessness again.

From my experience the only thing that works for an older child (over 18) is putting them out. I am sorry.

That said. Welcome.

 

[tiredintexas]

TNT
Man I have posted the very same thought here myself.
My son is still addicted to weed! I too do not know when he will ever be able to quit.

Stay strong if you can with your marriage. You will need this support moving through this nightmare.

 

[journeer]

So glad to have found this warm place. Put a lot of my fears at bay.

Question first:
What is "sober living"? Is it a group home or service?

My sweet kind boy started mj at 15 while parents started the divorce. It's been a rocky downhill journey since. Since I am the parent that stayed with the kids, I became the target of the blame game.

He's now 28. I finally realized any financial help I had given him was enabling. But I was clueless as to how difficult it would be to live through the nights when it's freezing cold out there, knowing he's now homeless. My therapist said he's not hit rock bottom yet. The heart ache is already keeping me up at nights. I know it's a tough road ahead, Lord help me with what it takes to keep myself at peace. I need to be firm and see him for who he is now: manipulative, cruel, abusive and entitled. Yet, I want my old boy back...

 

[New Leaf]

Hi Journeer and welcome to the forum. I don’t have answers on sober living as my two have never as far as I know, even considered rehab. I believe sober living is a next step after rehab.

The heart ache is already keeping me up at nights. I know it's a tough road ahead, Lord help me with what it takes to keep myself at peace

I am sorry for your aching mommas heart. My two are also homeless, but we live in the pacific, so at least the weather does not get as extreme. I can imagine the feelings of dread with severe cold. What I have read here is that there are places to go for the homeless, and they are clever at finding shelter. It is still a hard road for us to be on. I find prayer to be so helpful when my thoughts migrate to my two. It is too much to handle for me. Posting here helps, early morning walks and switching focus to self care, helps.

I need to be firm and see him for who he is now: manipulative, cruel, abusive and entitled. Yet, I want my old boy back...

I was pondering on this before I read your post. I have been going through old photo albums that were falling apart. I couldn’t bring myself to that task years prior, just didn’t have the emotional strength to go there.
I want my girls back as well. Used to say to myself, “This is not really them” but the hard truth is, as you wrote “seeing them as they are now” personalities altered, in the grip of drugs. This is them now, making choices and feeling the consequences of their lifestyles. But, how else will they understand the severity of those choices, without consequences?
Sigh.
Well, after years of them in and out of our home, abusing drugs, us, and the peace of our home, we were left with no other choice but to reject that lifestyle and say “no more.” The drama and chaos that infiltrated our home was unacceptable.
I am glad you are working through this with a therapist. It is tough stuff to deal with and having a counselor is extremely helpful. Posting here helps. Writing out our stories and knowing we are not alone, helps. Find time for yourself and do things that bring you peace. Be very kind to yourself, this journey is not an easy one.
Please know you are not alone. When you feel up to it, start a thread and share what you can.
(((Hugs)))
Leafy

 

[Copabanana]

Journeer. Hi and welcome. Why not lift your posts and put them in your own new thread? That way more people can meet you and know your circumstances.

A sober living home is a halfway house. The person has received some treatment and the condition is that to stay he maintain sobriety. They drug test.

There is a house leader to overlook and coordinate house activities and an offsite manager. Where my son is is part of the rescue mission so it is faith based. But such participation is voluntary. My son is not a believer.

This is a rental house in a nice neighborhood. There are 10 men. My son says half do not pay either for rent or food. As they recover they volunteer in community projects. It is a nice environment. In general my son likes it there. He is almost 2 months sober.

If I had one critique it would be that he watches movies all day. But last week he told me that the mission director is helping him get a volunteer post. Which encourages me because I hope there is this kind of oversight.

My son was NOT sober when he went. He was living in a house I own and had relapsed. He was recommended by the drug counselor he was seeing. But at that point he had not been long in treatment.

There are sober living homes in every city I guess. I would have most confidence in a faith based program. I would guess a first step would be to connect with the groups in your town that organize programs for substance users and homeless.

You can pm runaway bunny and she will help you begin your own new thread.

 

[journeer]

Than you Leafy for your warm reply. It is extremely helpful to find us who are going through various stages of this trying journey.

What does starting a thread do differently from posting here? Newbie question…thank you!

 

[Copabanana]

Go up to forums at the top.

If you want to stay in substance abuse click that.

You will find a blue button at the top of the page on the right that says post new thread.

Enter a title and then your entry.

 

[journeer]

Thank you Copacabana! I will try to start a new thread. Already the replies are taming my fears of what's ahead.

So glad I found this group!

 

[Copabanana]

Hi again journeer. Smiling here I say, I am Copa banana (now grinning). But inspired by Copacabana.

 

[Copabanana]

Hornet. (Hornet is auto correct. I kind of like it. I mean Journeer.) I have to go now but later will respond to the rest of your post. The fear and pain and self-blame. Which really is what this forum is about.

My son is 29.

 

[New Leaf]

What does starting a thread do differently from posting here? Newbie question…thank you!

You will receive more feedback on your own thread geared to the issues you choose to address. It is up to you how you wish to post on this forum, there is no right or wrong to it, just guidelines as to treating each other with kindness and understanding.
There is also a tab on your profile page where you can write a signature, which gives readers a brief idea of your history and family makeup. It helps folks to remember backgrounds.
Glad you are here with us. We try as best can to support one another.
(((Hugs)))
Leafy