standswithcourage
New Member
Star I am thinking about you and hope you are doing well. You are very strong and amazing!
WHAT a surprise
- Thread starter Star*
- Start date
Star*
call 911........call 911
Hi all,
Well it was a nice visit. In between signs of maturity I still see glimpses of the old Dude.
As far as where he is living and the situation. I have gone to the state/governors office and made demands to have him moved. I have a phone interview with the director of the state program Monday. I will be telling all this to her. I did take notes - I am between a rock and a rock.
There are no other programs that will take him with his file, age and history. I have been offered 2 other programs. One was in the paper 3 years ago for putting children in cages and the other is a psychiatric. hospital, lock down facility for severely dysfunctional children ie; kids who can't control bodily functions, head bangers, and other poor kids like that. IT's not an appropriate setting for a kid that has sensory issues - it would make him worse. As far as the place that puts them in cages? Well I'm sure they don't do that any more but the fact that they can even still HAVE their facility floors me.
As far as him being abused - Willow - I hear you. No offense taken. And you are right. He doesn't need to be there, I should be able to pull him out today - and then put him somewhere else - but there is nothing left. And when I did reach out to the CW - well you saw what he said. And if I pull him out without the courts approval? I go to jail and Dude does 6 years in an adult jail. So while it's ripping my heart out in ways I can't even express and since few here have experience with how lovely a SC adult prison is- leaving him where he's at for now is better than jail.
Yes, they need to be shut down. Yes - my son deserves better. The other boys there deserve better. I begged the CW and the treatment team to get him out of there - his dad did too, but they basically told us - No one wants him and it's either this, or the psychiatric hospital. When we said no to the hospital - they said "Well fine - then you take him home." Not an appropriate answer. Hence the meeting with the state level coordinator tomorrow.
Regarding him not coming home for Christmas - it wasn't because he was violent - (although he can be very violent at times) I said I didn't think I could handle Christmas because of the emotional aspect of it all. And then before I even thought I would change my mind - the probation officer said NO CAN DO - No holiday.
I just can't tell you how badly I wanted to yell out to him at 6:30 this am - NO wait - stay - it will all be okay - you can come home - you can this - we'll do that - and how badly it hurt more to look at him in the eyes and hear him say "I'll be okay Momma, I'm sorry I told you cause now you'll worry." The other boy saying 'We take care of each other Momma 2 - aarhhhite."
If I sound hypocritical about the abuse issue - I guess maybe you're right about that too. Abuse is abuse and shouldn't be tolerated. Period. I just don't have any place else that is safer for him than where he is now - because I know if I tried to bring him home he WOULD be back with the old friends and in jail in a matter of no time. Trying to pick the lesser of these two evils isn't easy.
We gave the boys money for food and gas and let them go. Keep me in your good thoughts tomorrow that speaking with this woman will do some good - because if it does not. WE may end up with Dude at home.
Thanks so much for all the concern and good thoughts - all in all we had a very good visit.
Hugs
Star
Well it was a nice visit. In between signs of maturity I still see glimpses of the old Dude.
As far as where he is living and the situation. I have gone to the state/governors office and made demands to have him moved. I have a phone interview with the director of the state program Monday. I will be telling all this to her. I did take notes - I am between a rock and a rock.
There are no other programs that will take him with his file, age and history. I have been offered 2 other programs. One was in the paper 3 years ago for putting children in cages and the other is a psychiatric. hospital, lock down facility for severely dysfunctional children ie; kids who can't control bodily functions, head bangers, and other poor kids like that. IT's not an appropriate setting for a kid that has sensory issues - it would make him worse. As far as the place that puts them in cages? Well I'm sure they don't do that any more but the fact that they can even still HAVE their facility floors me.
As far as him being abused - Willow - I hear you. No offense taken. And you are right. He doesn't need to be there, I should be able to pull him out today - and then put him somewhere else - but there is nothing left. And when I did reach out to the CW - well you saw what he said. And if I pull him out without the courts approval? I go to jail and Dude does 6 years in an adult jail. So while it's ripping my heart out in ways I can't even express and since few here have experience with how lovely a SC adult prison is- leaving him where he's at for now is better than jail.
Yes, they need to be shut down. Yes - my son deserves better. The other boys there deserve better. I begged the CW and the treatment team to get him out of there - his dad did too, but they basically told us - No one wants him and it's either this, or the psychiatric hospital. When we said no to the hospital - they said "Well fine - then you take him home." Not an appropriate answer. Hence the meeting with the state level coordinator tomorrow.
Regarding him not coming home for Christmas - it wasn't because he was violent - (although he can be very violent at times) I said I didn't think I could handle Christmas because of the emotional aspect of it all. And then before I even thought I would change my mind - the probation officer said NO CAN DO - No holiday.
I just can't tell you how badly I wanted to yell out to him at 6:30 this am - NO wait - stay - it will all be okay - you can come home - you can this - we'll do that - and how badly it hurt more to look at him in the eyes and hear him say "I'll be okay Momma, I'm sorry I told you cause now you'll worry." The other boy saying 'We take care of each other Momma 2 - aarhhhite."
If I sound hypocritical about the abuse issue - I guess maybe you're right about that too. Abuse is abuse and shouldn't be tolerated. Period. I just don't have any place else that is safer for him than where he is now - because I know if I tried to bring him home he WOULD be back with the old friends and in jail in a matter of no time. Trying to pick the lesser of these two evils isn't easy.
We gave the boys money for food and gas and let them go. Keep me in your good thoughts tomorrow that speaking with this woman will do some good - because if it does not. WE may end up with Dude at home.
Thanks so much for all the concern and good thoughts - all in all we had a very good visit.
Hugs
Star
Star, You and dude are in my thoughts and prayers. I hate hate hate that this is the only option the CW could come up with. AND I hate that the facility is allowed to run like this. When he is out, can you sue the owner for misrepresenting services? Hiring people to come in for a day,well, everyone in that loop knows it is WRONG. Seems like you would have the ability to take some civil court action against the PHDummy you talked to AND the owner.
I will keep Dude and his friend in my prayers. Glad you had a pretty good visit.
Hugs,
Susie
I will keep Dude and his friend in my prayers. Glad you had a pretty good visit.
Hugs,
Susie
Steely
Active Member
STAR..........I feel sick for you. I think I relate so deeply to your situation, that I am internalizing Dude as Matthew.........And I want to scream at people for you. I mean, you have no idea, how upset this makes me for you, for Dude, for our country, for our society.
When I was 16 my parents put me in a mental institution because I was suicidal. Back then, this was 24 years ago, the systems were horrific. I saw abuse that took me years of therapy to process and understand. When I look at Dude's situation all I can think of is that place, and how I was locked up there, with no one or nothing I could do about the abuse except watch. I promised myself, that when I got out I would never let that happen to anyone I knew. Again, perhaps, I am just identifying with this situation too much - but it makes me sick to know you and Dude are going through this.
I guess, I always hoped that if our children had the right advocates - they would not have to endure any type of abuse because of their mental challenges. I have learned I am so wrong. And your situation just brings this to light in a hundred different ways.
I do apologize for my previous harsh message. I have wondered and thought a lot about my post, and why I was so angry, but now that I write this, and have had time to process, I know why. It is because you and I can be the best moms in the world, and it still is not enough to protect our kids who need it the most. It just tears my heart out.
Dude and you are in my prayers and thoughts - and I do wish and hope this can be different, somehow.
When I was 16 my parents put me in a mental institution because I was suicidal. Back then, this was 24 years ago, the systems were horrific. I saw abuse that took me years of therapy to process and understand. When I look at Dude's situation all I can think of is that place, and how I was locked up there, with no one or nothing I could do about the abuse except watch. I promised myself, that when I got out I would never let that happen to anyone I knew. Again, perhaps, I am just identifying with this situation too much - but it makes me sick to know you and Dude are going through this.
I guess, I always hoped that if our children had the right advocates - they would not have to endure any type of abuse because of their mental challenges. I have learned I am so wrong. And your situation just brings this to light in a hundred different ways.
I do apologize for my previous harsh message. I have wondered and thought a lot about my post, and why I was so angry, but now that I write this, and have had time to process, I know why. It is because you and I can be the best moms in the world, and it still is not enough to protect our kids who need it the most. It just tears my heart out.
Dude and you are in my prayers and thoughts - and I do wish and hope this can be different, somehow.
Big Bad Kitty
lolcat
Aw, WW. I read your post as caring about Dude. My heart is sick for you AND for Star.
It is not fair that the sate you reside in determines the level of care that your child receives.
Praying extra hard today.
It is not fair that the sate you reside in determines the level of care that your child receives.
Praying extra hard today.
house of cards
New Member
You are and have been an awesome Warrior Mom! I'm so sorry that these are your choices. I will add my prayers.
standswithcourage
New Member
Star - How are you? Just thinking about you.
Star*
call 911........call 911
Dude is home with us -
DF went with me to get him and nearly threw up in the house - that nasty.
Animals not being fed or taken care of.
Old man had an answer for everything and a lot of answers for questions we didn't ask.
"SURPRISE" we're here - and we're taking our kid - (who was in jail) aaaaaarrrrgh.
Spoke with the judge- got her to release him to our custody -
And for today he's home with us - and we're working on a court order to make the CW comply - HA HA ha ha ha. (They dumped us when they found out Dude was in jail - didn't even care what for) nice -
Warrior Dad called THEIR boss - and talked to her - and now we're back in the graces of the services that dumped us on the side of the road this morning - and I quote -
Well if he gets out of jail - he goes home. If he gets out of jail in 4 weeks - he goes home. NO more group home - we're tapped out. AND HE STUCK UP for the group home mgr. (I think he's smokin' his socks)
So yes Virginia - there is a Santa Claus and it hates the whole thing - but I think he got a raw deal from the placement to begin with.
Prrrray for meeeeeeeeeee......
Hugs
Star
and Willow - I get your passion - I never took it one way or the other - If you didn't comment - you wouldn't care. I am so sorry for what you went through - no kid deserves that = and as you see - I agreed. ;-)
Thanks everyone - you all really are the best -
And Janet - ROFLMBO about the cop in the family - I think Dude has seen Enough cops for quite a long long while.
Later Gaters -
Starbie the bail bonds barbie - you don't want to know what she comes with - too much paperwork already!
DF went with me to get him and nearly threw up in the house - that nasty.
Animals not being fed or taken care of.
Old man had an answer for everything and a lot of answers for questions we didn't ask.
"SURPRISE" we're here - and we're taking our kid - (who was in jail) aaaaaarrrrgh.
Spoke with the judge- got her to release him to our custody -
And for today he's home with us - and we're working on a court order to make the CW comply - HA HA ha ha ha. (They dumped us when they found out Dude was in jail - didn't even care what for) nice -
Warrior Dad called THEIR boss - and talked to her - and now we're back in the graces of the services that dumped us on the side of the road this morning - and I quote -
Well if he gets out of jail - he goes home. If he gets out of jail in 4 weeks - he goes home. NO more group home - we're tapped out. AND HE STUCK UP for the group home mgr. (I think he's smokin' his socks)
So yes Virginia - there is a Santa Claus and it hates the whole thing - but I think he got a raw deal from the placement to begin with.
Prrrray for meeeeeeeeeee......
Hugs
Star
and Willow - I get your passion - I never took it one way or the other - If you didn't comment - you wouldn't care. I am so sorry for what you went through - no kid deserves that = and as you see - I agreed. ;-)
Thanks everyone - you all really are the best -
And Janet - ROFLMBO about the cop in the family - I think Dude has seen Enough cops for quite a long long while.
Later Gaters -
Starbie the bail bonds barbie - you don't want to know what she comes with - too much paperwork already!
trinityroyal
Well-Known Member
Oh Star, what a horrific mess.
As Lisa said, now that Dude is home you have nothing to lose, so go after them and take them down.
You are all in my thoughts and prayers.
Trinity
As Lisa said, now that Dude is home you have nothing to lose, so go after them and take them down.
You are all in my thoughts and prayers.
Trinity
Steely
Active Member
I CANNOT BELIEVE THAT YET ANOTHER CRUMMY SITUATION UNFOLDS - AND THAT IT IS TOTALLY IN YOUR LAP TO SOLVE!!! HOW MUCH MORE CAN YOU TAKE? GRRRRRR!!!!I will be madly praying, thinking, channeling, solutions your way! I so want this to get better for you guys.
So, so, SO sorry!!!!
Big Bad Kitty
lolcat
All right Starbi the bail bonds Barbi.
YOU tell DUDE that I have NOTHING better to do then DRIVE DOWN THERE if he gets out of line.
That is all.
YOU tell DUDE that I have NOTHING better to do then DRIVE DOWN THERE if he gets out of line.
That is all.
Star*
call 911........call 911
he whispered - ORLY? Bring it on Auntie BBW..
Apparently he has his own sense of what is funny - lol
I think I may have heard about a job for him today too -
I also have to help him straighten out his community service hours -
And I'm gathering the numbers and contacts for the group home problems -
Thank Goodness it's not a popularity contest - I'm not going to be very popular. lol
Apparently he has his own sense of what is funny - lol
I think I may have heard about a job for him today too -
I also have to help him straighten out his community service hours -
And I'm gathering the numbers and contacts for the group home problems -
Thank Goodness it's not a popularity contest - I'm not going to be very popular. lol
Star*
call 911........call 911
Stands -
I saw a lady in the lobby last night with a bible for visiting hours - and wondered if it was you - so I asked her her name. If it was you - that was me. lol.
if not - then someone ELSE thinks I'm just nosey.
I was at the County jail - 9 hours! Met lots of cops - wheee.
I saw a lady in the lobby last night with a bible for visiting hours - and wondered if it was you - so I asked her her name. If it was you - that was me. lol.
if not - then someone ELSE thinks I'm just nosey.
I was at the County jail - 9 hours! Met lots of cops - wheee.
totoro
Mom? What's a difficult child?
I am in tears reading this... I am amazed by you my beautiful spirited Star*! I hope some heads roll and some things finally become resolved for your family.
This Auntie is ready to come kick some cyber butt also.
I am thinking of all of you! Cheers to DF and to Dude! It sounds like Dude had reached the end of his rope at that hell hole and knew he needed to be gone.
I hope you guy's can get through this next journey.
Huge Hugs
This Auntie is ready to come kick some cyber butt also.
I am thinking of all of you! Cheers to DF and to Dude! It sounds like Dude had reached the end of his rope at that hell hole and knew he needed to be gone.
I hope you guy's can get through this next journey.
Huge Hugs
