What to do when parents don't believe diagnosis!!!?

[lovelyboy]

Buddy....I agree with you.....I must stop expanding on things when people dont ask!!!!!
The thing is....I think if I didn't give free info, there will be very little conversation!!!!!
It's VERY seldom that my mom will ask me how I am, think she might once or so have asked regarding the kids!

 

[buddy]

Buddy....I agree with you.....I must stop expanding on things when people dont ask!!!!!
The thing is....I think if I didn't give free info, there will be very little conversation!!!!!
It's VERY seldom that my mom will ask me how I am, think she might once or so have asked regarding the kids!

So, are you saying the real issue is that you WISH with all your heart your mom would want to support you? You say you act as a model daughter, is that about getting her approval? I can see how that would be hurtful and a hard thing to start to learn not to do. No need to answer, it is none of my business, I was just thinking about what other and what you have said. HUGS to you. You are a warrior mom for sure, and you know I think you are wonderful.

 

[susiestar]

Sweetie, have you ever heard of codependence? in my opinion you need to look into that because it sounds like you are codependent on your mom. You are upset if you don't get her acceptance and seh knows and won't give it unless it suits her needs. NOT that it is that calculated, but that seems like the dynamic you ahve with her. A good therapist should be able to help, and reading "Co Dependent No More" will also be a big help. Boundaries, by Cloud and Townsend, is also a book you NEED to read. It will help you set HEALTHY boundaries with your mom and the rest of the people in your life. in my opinion this could be a HUGE help in your life, and for your kids because they will learn the new patterns as you start using them. otherwise they will grow up to model what they see you doing.

 

[lovelyboy]

Thanx Susiestar for the advice on the reading.....will look at that.......

 

[DammitJanet]

I was very lucky that my dad and stepmom supported me no matter what we had to do concerning Cory. They even visited him in his 16 month stay at his wilderness camp. They always told us that they thought we were doing a great job with him. Of course we didnt tell them everything that went on with him but they knew enough. My mom knew some but I didnt overload her.

I think in your case, I would have a list of subjects that you want to talk about that isnt about your son. Talk about what you have been doing. Talk about whats going on in your town, your house, your garden. If you have fixed up your house. Invent something..lol.

 

[lovelyboy]

Janet....I dont know enough about your son.....the problem in our case is that my son doesnt really show much symptoms when you dont know whatto look for......me and hubby understands what sometimes trigger the bad behaviour....ussually when things doesnt go his way, verbal misunderstandings, anxiety andso on....When I try to point this out, its just me making excuses to pardon his rudeness!!!!! Agh.... I do think if a childs symptoms is more profound it might be easier to respect the diagnosis.....?
Maybe one day I must just say: "You know what...I have tried your(moms) way of ignoring the child for days or using short abrupt, hurtfull words of rejection or critisism .....it didnt help.......

 

[lonelyroad]

Nice to read I am not alone, just read the original post for now...my family is very similiar, blaming all of this on my husband, as he hasnt worked in years and is not suppostive in anything...

Thats all fine and good, but last summer both kids stayed with them for two weeks and it was horrible, daughter had a hard time coping and everyone was saying how dysfunctional we are, as a family..

I had finally told my mom and sister is they kept on like this we needed to quit talking as I need their supposrt, not their opinions at the moment.

I know they love us but saying her depression is caused by so many other things isnt going to help..

First easter spent without them...very sad but whatever..