When did you hit your own rock bottom with difficult kid?

[BusynMember]

I am grateful to all who like this thread. I feel it helpful to see when we each decided enough was enough. Maybe our story can help newer struggling moms.

We are survivors. Yay us!!!

 

[Nomad]

I too can't truly say "rock bottom." But, I can say I have felt various degrees of separateness, awareness and need for change.

Similar to CrazyinVA one came when a therapist said that she might never change and her poor decisions might very well lead to her destruction, including death.

There are various other instances of "awareness."

One came very recently this Christmas. I absolutely can't and wont go through that again.

 

[susiestar]

My first rock bottom came after I found my preteen son attempting to strangle my sleeping daughter in the middle of the night for no apparent reason. And then realizing my family thought I was overreacting by placing him in a psychiatric hospital for as long as they would keep him (12 weeks). I was flabbergasted to realize my parents thought I was 'blowing things out of proportion' because my son was 'just playing around'. It was 3 am, my daughter was sound asleep when it started, and he flat out attacked her! If she had been a stranger and he had been a few years older, he would have been on trial for attempted murder!

I realized that my entire family was totally off its giant rocker.

I will say that my family was supportive as I visited Wiz 2-4 times a week, including therapy, doctor's rounds (only time a parent could see a doctor as the docs wanted zero interaction with parents), and family time.

I hit another bottom a few years later with my brother. I got a call from my youngest child's school to come NOW. The head of CPS was waiting to speak with me when I got there. I knew him from having our kids on the same ball team at the Y, but this wasn't about that. T was covered in fingertip bruises under his shirt, given to him by his uncle. We had just had a family dinner and my brother had somehow found T alone and gotten angry about something. When angry, my brother would jab a finger into the kids belly and side as he ranted about whatever they did wrong (usually not something anyone else would be that upset about). CPS did NOT want to make this official, and the man knew from the mess with Wiz that if I was told to do something, I would follow their limits. So he gave me an unofficial warning rather than putting us in the system again. That warning was to keep my kids 100% away from my brother - no family dinners, no nothing.

I later learned that my brother's ex wife was trying to make very serious false allegations and they were trying to refute them because they knew collusion was going on between a bad caseworker, a really awful therapist and bro's exwife forcing my niece to lie. If this was on the record, it would muddy things up and could make things go very very wrong for my brother. But they HAD to do something to make Tyler safe, and they felt they knew me well enough that this warning would be enough.

At the time, seeing those bruises on my child as he stood there in the office thinking that he had done something wrong, well, I was so angry with my brother that I never wanted to see him again. For several years I flat out didn't.

I am lucky to say that my brother has mellowed, actually seen doctors and gotten on medications that work for him, and he is not the 'swirling vortex of negative energy' that he was for so many years. He isn't Pollyanna by any means, but he has a much better handle on his anger. Our relationship is vastly improved, to the point that we talk, laugh and have fun together again. I don't even have anxiety attacks if I know I will see him somewhere!!

Those are some of my rock bottoms. I didn't think I could come up from them. I am and always will be thankful to have this forum to help me through those awful times. Without y'all, I don't know what the outcome would have been.

 

[Lucyxyz]

My son started very young. Grammar school always in trouble for talking, pot started in junior high as did suspensions. He was a gifted athlete but would sit the bench as he wouldn't show up to practice on time or give his all at practice. This happened year after year after year. So never any recogning ever. Rules don't apply to him. No matter that he ALWAYS paid the consequences (bad grades, no college opportunities, benched, trouble at home etc).

I was his mom, so I'd take on coaches, teachers, other parents etc as I thought that's what I was supposed to do. He was always punished for his actions but again NEVER recognition of the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results.

Anyway he's 20 now, and I had brain surgery last March. He got physical with me my first day home from the hospital as I asked about his high school friends that had gone on to college (that set him off) and he's gotten nastier and more violent since.

So it's been years in the making but I'm done. The last time was a few weeks ago and the things he said you can't recover from (even as his mother). So I no longer want anything to do with him.

 

[wisernow]

My very rock bottom happened shortly after my Difficult Child graduated from university. Having tried to help him since adolescence, therapists, doctors, hospitalizations, going through his acting out, his suicide attempts, getting kicked out of school, escalating violence, having him removed from the house, drugs, etc it seemed he finally got his act together and was able to get his degree after going back and getting his GED., albeit still with drug use. The day he graduated I truly thought we had turned the corner. Then several months later arrested for assault while high. I had no words nor did I bail him out. His father finally did after 2 months, he went through extensive rehab and is now on probation back at school learning a trade. While I keep my fingers crossed, that event knocked me flat down and sent me into months of therapy. While I have my act together the relationship has forever changed in my mind and in my heart. .

 

[CARP_ENOUGH]

Only one rock bottom? I’ve had several incidents, including my son ending up with a drug overdose in the hospital and him slurring his words to deny it and having to take him to court for theft from a company he used to work for. That day after leaving the courtroom I had a complete anxiety attack after we got home (never happened to me before and it was truly scary). A few months later after he continued to use drugs, spend all his money, and continued to lie to us constantly, we finally had it and gave him a choice to save X amount of dollars by X date or have to find someplace else to live. He chose the latter. I have very limited contact with him now. My mental and physical health has dramatically improved. I’m happier than I’ve been in years. I’ve come to realize that just because he is my son doesn’t mean I have to like him, agree with his lifestyle, or ever have to provide him shelter again.

MTIC, I felt like I was reading my own rock bottom incidents ! My rock bottom has been several over a 4 year period. Jan 2016 was when I hit the bottom and then through another layer of granite and more...Stubborn son moved out of home 18, felt he was an adult..after a pot arrest, DUI stop where he passed out asleep with keys in ignition, he then in Jan 2016 stole a phone case from Walmart and was attacked by loss prevention and arrested for not only petit theft, but parole violation. He bailed out and continued pot usage during probation and also by the way had an ignition lock and thousands of dollars in fines and attorney fees which he had to pay selling his nice car we bought him when he graduated HS. Luckily during that 2016 he had an Angel girlfriend who was in the picture and took alot of my burdens putting up with his verbal, drug and irresponsible, reckless behavior. This saint of a girlfriend drove my son around to all meetings, community service, you name it. My rock bottom was because he went to jail for 13 days and then ended up in a pych ward for 2 days after release and has never been the same since. He has become bi-polar, mood swings, jobs every 3 months, moving every quarter, hates his roomates always, seems to have quarrels with most people and it's never his fault. Fast forward to 2017, the girlfriend left him, he lost his job, was in a car accident as a passenger (minor injuries, but enough to receive a $4K settlement after Dr. bills), he sold his other car that he managed to buy after working as a server and who knows what else....the drama has not let up and guess what? That $4K settlement check, he decided to move to Las Vegas for great jobs in Jan of 2018. He lived in hotels for the first 10 days and blamed me of course and had sent me suicidal texts a few times in between. Over the last week, he was almost evicted from his current roomate situation in Las Vegas, but through the grace of God and my bloody knees praying every night, he appears to be surviving ! Every day I wake up with huge anxiety and pray that he is not homeless or destitute but just this week, I've handed him over to God and stopped reading his texts and only take his calls when I feel like it and I feel more at peace and happier! I have realized that this worry as a mother drains your life energy to the point, we as mother's don't want to live any more. This is not fair to those that need us and truly value life and are doing productive, beautiful things in life versus our problem sons. I have a beautiful, sane, responsible daughter 19 and a loving husband who I could no longer see or value because of my pain and suffering with my son. A mother is only as happy as her saddest child, this is so true. This site helps me greatly and I'm so thankful for you and others who have shared their stories. Hugs and glad to hear you have made it through to the other side of the suffering.

 

[Triedntrue]

My rock bottom came when my son continually called me being verbally abusive because i wouldn't or couldn't give him something usually money and i had already paid his rent phone bill and bought him food. Then i refused to meet him and had something he supposedly needed for work so i told him i would drop it off then tell him where it was. He somehow came up behind me in his truck called me and said game changer and came right up on my bumper then beside me yelling things at me until i pulled into a firehouse with my flashing lights on. He drove off. I left town for 3 days to feel safe. Then not too long after when i 302d him i found he had been using cocaine. I was paying his bills and he was buying drugs. He still swears it was one line. I swear bs.

 

[Nomad]

So sorry to read this, Carp.
You, the original poster and many many others here have been through such profound turmoil and heartache.
I too got to the point that I had to turn our diff. child over to my Higher Power.
And when I heard that concept of you are only as happy as your saddest child (or something like it) I decided to say NOPE! If that is the truth then I would be doomed. No, I reject that idea 1000%. I chose to be happy even with her insanity in the background. Life is good, life is a gift. She/they might not know this. But, I do. As best as you can, consider finding ways to bring joy into your life. Even simple things. Don’t be brought down into the pits by a problematic adult child. It’s very hard and sometimes just impossible...but worth it to push through. Enjoy life as best as you can is my advice.

 

[Littleboylost]

Just exams iron and tears. Living it and I hate it I truly hate it. I do pray for light st the end of this madness. For unlike my son, I want out of the bottom. I am not content to dwell here with him.