Where are the mods?

[DammitJanet]

Lord...10 years! Fran...It has become me instead of Cory that has the problems. I have the brain injury. Who ever knew I would be on a rehab floor for Traumatic Brain Injury (TBI)'s? It annoys me. I have had no problem posting about my family or kids
but then Im not a mod...lol.

 

[Sheila]

I'm here. I read and post when I'm up to it.

I somehow woke up one morning about this exact time last year and was knocked to the floor by pain in my left arm and neck. Rushed to the hospital by ambulance. Long story short, therapy and numerous doctors later it's discovered that I have two pinched nerves in my neck which impact C-5, C-6 and C-7. I'm having cervical fusion surgery next Wednesday. I'm hoping it will allow some type of normalcy to return to what use to be my everyday functioning. (Neck pain and arm and left hand numbness is not conducive to typing. lol)

Re: difficult child. Same ole, same ole. Two steps forward and one step back. Overall he's progressing. We just have the terrible teens mixed in with-the gfgness now.

difficult child will be 15 next week. I have little hair left on my head.

He's wanting his independence (normal) without the ability to make good choices (difficult child). We're going through the girlfriend phase (normal) and still have some social skills and inferencing problems (difficult child).

I still hate school. Between difficult child wanting to attend strictly as a social function and the sd not staying on the ball.... Consistency is not a high priority in high school.

husband and I keep trying to keep pushing him forward without pushing him over the edge. "Yes, I know he's 14. But do you understand he's 14 going on 10?" What can I say except same ole, same ole.

We haven't had a major "to do" since the 5th grade, so I guess we were do for one. Sigh....

difficult child and one of his teacher's just clash. He wanted me to get him changed out of her class a long time ago. I said, "No -- you will not like everybody you meet in life and not everybody will like you. Learn to work with it. Just do what you're told and remember it's a temporary situation."

This teacher is a nice lady, very competent in the subject matter but not equipped to handle difficult child's brand of cr@p. I believe he's got her number and intentionally aggravates her.

Anyway, this school district liberally applies their zero tolerance policy. So when difficult child finds a razor blade on the floor in this class, does he direct the teacher's attention to it so that she can handle the matter? NoooOOOoooo.

He retrieves it from the floor and proceeds to see how sharp it is by cutting paper. Does she see him? But of course she does. She does her job (probably with-much glee and I wouldn't blame her a bit) and escorts him to the office with-a charge of "bringing a weapon to school and in possession of a weapon."

I get a call from the AP. They are calling the police -- automatic zero tolerance violation and 60 days at DAEP. I told the AP that difficult child is not to be questioned without a parent present, politely said goodbye, immediately sent her an email referencing our conversation about not questioning difficult child, and called husband to get to the school immediately and pick difficult child up.

I leave home, swing by and pick difficult child up from husband, proceed on to my pre-op appointment at the hospital with-difficult child in tow. Mentally and physically exhausted I arrive home at almost 7:00 pm (hospital is in another city), put on a fresh pot of coffee (because I definately needed a sugar hit), decide to try to unwind a bit before husband arrived home and we could discuss difficult child's problem by playing a mindless game on the computer.

Instead of playing a game, I checked my email. There was an email from the AP that they were having a Manifestation Hearing at 9:00 Friday morning and she hoped I could be there. It made me mad.

In my earlier days I would have panicked, and sent her an email advising her that this was a violation of IDEA, that they can not have this meeting without formal notice to parents of at least 5 days, yadda, yadda, yadda. Decisions made at a meeting held like this could easily be overturned. But AP already knows that, and AP knows that I know it, too. So I'm thinking, what's the deal?

[For those not familiar with-IEPs/IDEA, if I couldn't have rearranged my schedule in order to attend the meeting or if I had needed time to research the situation, I'd just simply have sent her an email that it would have to be rescheduled.]

But I went. I called in reinforcement and witness in case of need -- husband. lol

Geez, I've got to take a break. More later.

One day in the life of a difficult child's parents. Are you bored yet?

 

[Sheila]

I forgot to write the day before, the AP refused to fax me a copy of the discipline report. That told me immediately that something was up. (They've set me up to blind side me before.)

I also forgot to say that it was already planned that mom go with-me to the hospital, so she was with me when I picked difficult child up. I didn't ask him anything and he didn't volunteer any information. [You'd have thought I had a easy child with-me. He didn't do anything even remotely gfgish the whole time we were gone. Yea, he knew he was in deep poo with-me.]

When we got home, I asked what had happened. He said he'd found the razor on the floor at school and picked it up. 'Then what?' I prompt. I cut paper with it he says, and Ms. XYZ took me to the office.

I told him to sit down and write exactly what had happened and for him to draw me a picture of the razor. He did both (he can draw well). I made him sign and date the statement. I believed him.

I asked him why he didn't tell the teacher so that she could handle the problem or either just ignore the blade and leave it alone? 'I don't know.' I did not believe, 'I don't know.' I believe that he picked it up because of lack of impulse control. I believe he made sure the teacher saw him in order to annoy her.

Upon return home, husband and I talked. I didn't even know we had double-edged razor blades in the house, but husband has some. I had told the AP he didn't take the razor blade to school from home because we didn't have any. I decided right then and there if it turned out the difficult child had lied to me, I was going to 'throw him to the wolves' so to speak and let the consequences flow, e.g., the younger he realizes he must follow the rules, the better. (There's a lot of difference in willfulness and lack of impulse control in my opinion and the two are not handled the same in our house.)

I dropped the razor blades in my purse so I wouldn't forget to take them to the meeting.

Friday morning I made a copy of difficult child's statement for the sd and printed out two copies of the sd's policy (right off their website). It plainly states, 'In this policy, 'weapon' means a weapon, device, instrument, material, or substance, animate or inanimate, that is used for, or is readily capable of, causing death or serious bodily injury, but does not include a pocket knife with a blade of less than two and a half inches in length. 20 U.S.C. 1415(k)(7)(C); 18 U.S.C. 930(g)(2); 34 CFR 300.520(d)(3).' It stands to reason to me that if this type of knife is excluded, a 2' razor blade would certainly be excluded.

When we got to the meeting, I told them we could save everybody a lot of time if we (husband and I) could see the razor blade. Nope " not until parents sign the 5 day notice waiver. Nope " no can do because we haven't had time to prepare for the meeting, don't have report(s), haven't seen the blade, etc. AP said it doesn't matter -- difficult child brought a weapon to school. I said it does matter and would factor into our (parents) decision of whether this behavior was a manifestation of his disability and what difficult child's needs are. 'Policy' was misstated, so I asked for a copy of the policy matching their verbal statement.
AP dispatches some for the Student Code of Conduct booklet. I told I had brought their policy and produced it (above weapon's definition was highlighted in yellow).

AP agreed to show us the razor. I retrieved the razor blades from my purse and we all compared them. They were different. #1 - difficult child had not brought the razor from home.

difficult child was still 'in possession of a weapon.' I direct their attention back to their policy and asked how a 2' razor blade can be defined as a 'weapon' when a pocket knife 2 ½' long is exempt. Policy was mentioned again. I still had to see it in writing. It never appeared. #2 " The razor blade is not a 'weapon.'

I was as straightforward as I could be, e.g; not willing to have '"bringing a weapon to school and in possession of a weapon" on difficult child's record didn't mean that we didn't think consequences were in order. One action was because of his disability; one was not.

I signed the Waiver and the meeting started. Old business was reintroduced so husband says that a pencil can be a 'weapon' if they choose to say it is. He also asks how is it they are letting this type of thing onto the campus. Points made, time to refocus on the issue " what does difficult child need.

There's tons more, but what could have been a very bad scene turned into a very productive meeting (I hope). There was a lot of give and take, recommendations and suggestions that were tossed around between all of us. I asked different sd committee members for their opinions, they asked for mine. It was a brainstorming session.

So the Manifestation Hearing produced the following results.

The behavior was a manifestation of difficult child's disability.

with-his IEP followed and additional supports in place, I recommended 30 school days in DAEP because difficult child did not tell the teacher about the blade; rather he used it to aggravate her. I'd rather he learn now that when he knows better, he'd best better do better " period.

difficult child is failing just about everything. While he's in DAEP, they will help him get caught up in his classes with a lot of 1:1 help and hopefully he'll get back on track.

The LSSP will see difficult child once a week. He's in the midst of another anxiety episode, but that does not excuse this particular behavior toward any teacher.

We will transition difficult child back into mainstream. (He is overwhelmed.)

Another psychiatric evaluation will be performed, and yadda, yadda, yadda. (He's cutting again and they've finally gotten someone in there that sees this as a problem rather than cutting for kicks.)


In other words, we are all taking this opportunity to get him back on track academically and to help make him understand that there are some lines you just do not cross no matter what.

After the meeting, I went home and picked difficult child up and took him back to a meeting with-the AP. They have a repore and I had asked that she explain to difficult child what was going on and why because it needed to come from somebody besides me or husband (parents don't know squat don't you know.)

That meeting lasted about an hour.

I did tell difficult child that we had decided DAEP was appropriate. I couldn't believe it " he was relieved. (husband had told him that he was going to pull him out of that school and put him into another one. difficult child definitely didn't want that.)

Poor AP. It was a difficult child day for her " from 9:00 am until about 2:30 pm except for when I ran home to difficult child.

After all of that, I think I signed something at the end of the meeting that I shouldn't have signed until I had read the final.

So there's the update. Similar story, different date. I still hope we know what we are doing and I'm still 2nd guessing myself.

 

[Lothlorien]

I wanna be you when I grow up Sheila!!! Way to advocate! You should have been a Lawyer!

 

[DDD]

Sheila, I've almost exactly been there done that regarding a "weapon" (a piece of a broken pocket knife smaller than 2" to begin with and not brandished). The "little
meeting" that I was "invited to" turned out to be a Manifestation meeting
which fortunately the CD family quickly honed in on so I could avoid being
blindsided. I'm glad your results appear to be satisfactory but, like you, I
did sign papers without reading each word at the end of the meeting as the teachers had classes starting for the next period etc. etc.

How sorry I feel for the innocent parents who don't have the backup we
have around here! DDD