Copabanana
Well-Known Member
Tmt. Something must come from son's end for this to work, I fear.
A Letter from an Addict to His Family...
- Thread starter Toomanytears
- Start date
BusynMember
Well-Known Member
He can get home. Its important. Now I NEVER tell anyone to do this but he is a strong man and needs to get home. No Uber? Walk. Run. Hitchhike if its tje o ly way. Yes, hitchhike. Get to the airport. He is well aware of how important it is to get home and should ha e been home days ago.
Maybe he doesnt plan to come home for sentencing. Dangerous and a horrible thought, I know. But people do try to run from arrest. What is on his mind, who knows? I hope it is not escape.
If you pray that is all you can do. He knows its near Christmas and every type of communication is crazy busy. He can at least call you to give you a heads up. If he has no phone he can borrow one off almost anyone on the street or go into Walmart and ask to use their phone (i am spacy and if I forget my phone I go to a store and have never been turned down).
I will cross my fingers, eyes, toes that he gets home today and safe.
Meanwhile pray and stay strong. I know we feel connected ay the hip to our kids but they are seperate from us and do what they do. Our angst doesnt change anything. Just drags us down with them. And we cant think straight.
Hugs!!!
Maybe he doesnt plan to come home for sentencing. Dangerous and a horrible thought, I know. But people do try to run from arrest. What is on his mind, who knows? I hope it is not escape.
If you pray that is all you can do. He knows its near Christmas and every type of communication is crazy busy. He can at least call you to give you a heads up. If he has no phone he can borrow one off almost anyone on the street or go into Walmart and ask to use their phone (i am spacy and if I forget my phone I go to a store and have never been turned down).
I will cross my fingers, eyes, toes that he gets home today and safe.
Meanwhile pray and stay strong. I know we feel connected ay the hip to our kids but they are seperate from us and do what they do. Our angst doesnt change anything. Just drags us down with them. And we cant think straight.
Hugs!!!
Tired out
Well-Known Member
( I as looking for an update in original thread, I found it here) .
EEEEEE Gads. What the heck!
Doubtful that he lost his ID. He probably wasn't even at the airport , it was all a story because he isn't ready to come back. If it was true he would have been to the post office to get that ID. What day is sentencing? When son comes back is he supposed to be staying at your house?
This chick doesn't care about her own kids, why would she care about his? None of the story with that chick makes any sense. She wants to come to you because she misses you? She will leave her kids to be near her boyfriends mother? Seriously? If she has no money , how is she supposed to get on a plane? what happened with the ticket he didn't use? could he change it or is whoever paid for it out the money?
This whole thing is insane..hmmmm sounds like drugs.
EEEEEE Gads. What the heck!
Doubtful that he lost his ID. He probably wasn't even at the airport , it was all a story because he isn't ready to come back. If it was true he would have been to the post office to get that ID. What day is sentencing? When son comes back is he supposed to be staying at your house?
This chick doesn't care about her own kids, why would she care about his? None of the story with that chick makes any sense. She wants to come to you because she misses you? She will leave her kids to be near her boyfriends mother? Seriously? If she has no money , how is she supposed to get on a plane? what happened with the ticket he didn't use? could he change it or is whoever paid for it out the money?
This whole thing is insane..hmmmm sounds like drugs.
Toomanytears
Active Member
Update :
Uber responded today that they found his ID in the drivers car along with earphones and wallet (which was empty and had only ID).
In the meantime, he went to the post office to pick up the ID we sent and they told him “we know it’s here but can’t locate it.” Believe it or not that was the truth! It is a Christmas miracle! We received and email from Washington Post Office complaint Dept and they verified the pkg has not been located with his ID. The irony is, they actually delivered it the 1st day to girlfriend’s house but no one answered the door. They left a note to contact them to arrange for Redelivery. Have never heard of the pkg again.
Now that he has his original ID that he lost on the way to the airport over a week ago, he is set to catch a flight tomorrow morning. Yes, we are paying for it. He actually did get the credit from the last flight he missed but that went to a reschedule flight fee of 200.00. Smh. I honestly don’t know if we will get another chance to get him back here... so we are biting the proverbial bullet to see if we can make this happen.
I’d like to think a motivator to return home would be his family and the holiday BUT he has a suboxone appointment that no doubt is playing a significant role for him to catch his flight tomorrow. Hey, we’ll take it. Pick up at the airport, straight to the Suboxone Doctor. 26 days and counting. God forgive me. I should be treasuring every moment.
Uber responded today that they found his ID in the drivers car along with earphones and wallet (which was empty and had only ID).
In the meantime, he went to the post office to pick up the ID we sent and they told him “we know it’s here but can’t locate it.” Believe it or not that was the truth! It is a Christmas miracle! We received and email from Washington Post Office complaint Dept and they verified the pkg has not been located with his ID. The irony is, they actually delivered it the 1st day to girlfriend’s house but no one answered the door. They left a note to contact them to arrange for Redelivery. Have never heard of the pkg again.
Now that he has his original ID that he lost on the way to the airport over a week ago, he is set to catch a flight tomorrow morning. Yes, we are paying for it. He actually did get the credit from the last flight he missed but that went to a reschedule flight fee of 200.00. Smh. I honestly don’t know if we will get another chance to get him back here... so we are biting the proverbial bullet to see if we can make this happen.
I’d like to think a motivator to return home would be his family and the holiday BUT he has a suboxone appointment that no doubt is playing a significant role for him to catch his flight tomorrow. Hey, we’ll take it. Pick up at the airport, straight to the Suboxone Doctor. 26 days and counting. God forgive me. I should be treasuring every moment.
CareTooMuch
Active Member
Keeping my fingers and toes crossed for you.
Toomanytears
Active Member
Hi friends..
On way to the airport. He is on flight and made it through the connector flight. (Whew)!
Should see him with our own eyes in 10 mins.
Scooping him up and getting to Suboxone Dr on way from airport.
Thank you for your thoughts & prayers.
PS. He is ALONE!
On way to the airport. He is on flight and made it through the connector flight. (Whew)!
Should see him with our own eyes in 10 mins.
Scooping him up and getting to Suboxone Dr on way from airport.
Thank you for your thoughts & prayers.
PS. He is ALONE!
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Triedntrue
Well-Known Member
I agree about the girlfriend they manipulate as well as our kids do. My ex daughter inlaw makes everyone think she is a wonderful and caring person that only helped it is all bullshit. As far as the efforts to get him home i think some of the effort needs to come from him. Whether he is intentionally not getting there or it is bad luck he is doing nothing to fix it. I know how badly it feels when they don't put their children first mine is all mouth and no action on that front. All i can do is love them .
CareTooMuch
Active Member
Fantastic news!
toughlovin
Well-Known Member
Been following along.... am very relieved for you!
Copabanana
Well-Known Member
Tmt. Tell us what's going on please. We miss you when you're gone too long.
Tired out
Well-Known Member
Did he show up???? I sure hope so!
Toomanytears
Active Member
Oh my.. thank you for keeping in touch with me. I feel so “needy” right now.
We are just hours now before Christmas Eve and I believe I just came to the realization that I don’t know this man ( my son) any longer. The drugs that he has been prescribed ( and his decades of drug abuse ) has changed his entire persona.
I’m well aware of all that happens to the body, mind and spirit ~and I’m witnessing it before my very eyes.
Understand, as thrilled as we were to finally get him back home AGAIN, I had made up my mind that my attitude/emotions would be very controlled. I would talk when talked to, ask a brief question about his trip and just take it slow. We went from airport to Dr
to diner for a bite to eat. I decided when we got home to run an errand and when I came back he had gone to his sisters (just down the hill).
My husband told me before he left they chatted and son noticed that “Mom doesn’t even talk to me.” Hubby explained that the back & forth arguing, issues with he and girlfriend, leaving like he did took a toll on me. He needs to talk to me and lay things out on the table. Clear the air.
That was Thursday at 6pm. Saw him again tonight at 5:00 as he joined us for dinner. We weren’t together but one hour & arguing began in the truck. He may be going back to girlfriend 1100 mi away ( he has no money). I promised him he may get out of our state but when he arrives at his destination he will be picked up. Done.
Then he informed us he’s going out with his friend (we’ve befriended him too) an old cell mate of our sons from years past. This kid ( man) works hard, independent, family oriented BUT makes bad choices. He recently had a charge while on parole and will be turning himself in Thursday and will problem go back in state for 6 mths. They were going to “hang out” together - bad choice. We stated that was our opinion and sh*t hit the fan. We went from “I’m leaving, I’ll just go and do something else stupid, I should’ve never come home”... Screaming in the garage that we are control freaks and he can’t be made to stay in a room til sentencing..
which led me to my front stoop to sit with my dog. Alone. I actually felt like I was having symptoms of a stroke. Numbness, temple pain and sagging jaw.. hubby insisted on calling an ambulance. This would be the 3rd time in 3 years.. each time blood pressure over 200 and stress is the reason for the admission. It is embarrassing and ridiculous that I can’t keep these emotions in check.
As of tonight, I do believe that he doesn’t care about us or our feelings. He would say “ of course I do” but I think that’s only because he’s “ supposed to feel” that way. We are his parents. But when push comes to shove actions speak much louder than any words. And his actions are very clear.
I’m tired of wearing a smile (that’s not often recently - I’m such a Debbie Downer, huh?)
I do realize I have control over this holiday, it’s in our home. If things don’t change, I will postpone our Xmas eve get together, curl up & watch a funny movie and read a book. If things do change, great. Same with Christmas. To heck with traditions. Because there is nothing traditional left about this family.
Okkkk .. That felt good. Thanks for letting me unload this BS from my head and heart.
Peace to you all.
We are just hours now before Christmas Eve and I believe I just came to the realization that I don’t know this man ( my son) any longer. The drugs that he has been prescribed ( and his decades of drug abuse ) has changed his entire persona.
I’m well aware of all that happens to the body, mind and spirit ~and I’m witnessing it before my very eyes.
Understand, as thrilled as we were to finally get him back home AGAIN, I had made up my mind that my attitude/emotions would be very controlled. I would talk when talked to, ask a brief question about his trip and just take it slow. We went from airport to Dr
to diner for a bite to eat. I decided when we got home to run an errand and when I came back he had gone to his sisters (just down the hill).
My husband told me before he left they chatted and son noticed that “Mom doesn’t even talk to me.” Hubby explained that the back & forth arguing, issues with he and girlfriend, leaving like he did took a toll on me. He needs to talk to me and lay things out on the table. Clear the air.
That was Thursday at 6pm. Saw him again tonight at 5:00 as he joined us for dinner. We weren’t together but one hour & arguing began in the truck. He may be going back to girlfriend 1100 mi away ( he has no money). I promised him he may get out of our state but when he arrives at his destination he will be picked up. Done.
Then he informed us he’s going out with his friend (we’ve befriended him too) an old cell mate of our sons from years past. This kid ( man) works hard, independent, family oriented BUT makes bad choices. He recently had a charge while on parole and will be turning himself in Thursday and will problem go back in state for 6 mths. They were going to “hang out” together - bad choice. We stated that was our opinion and sh*t hit the fan. We went from “I’m leaving, I’ll just go and do something else stupid, I should’ve never come home”... Screaming in the garage that we are control freaks and he can’t be made to stay in a room til sentencing..
which led me to my front stoop to sit with my dog. Alone. I actually felt like I was having symptoms of a stroke. Numbness, temple pain and sagging jaw.. hubby insisted on calling an ambulance. This would be the 3rd time in 3 years.. each time blood pressure over 200 and stress is the reason for the admission. It is embarrassing and ridiculous that I can’t keep these emotions in check.
As of tonight, I do believe that he doesn’t care about us or our feelings. He would say “ of course I do” but I think that’s only because he’s “ supposed to feel” that way. We are his parents. But when push comes to shove actions speak much louder than any words. And his actions are very clear.
I’m tired of wearing a smile (that’s not often recently - I’m such a Debbie Downer, huh?)
I do realize I have control over this holiday, it’s in our home. If things don’t change, I will postpone our Xmas eve get together, curl up & watch a funny movie and read a book. If things do change, great. Same with Christmas. To heck with traditions. Because there is nothing traditional left about this family.
Okkkk .. That felt good. Thanks for letting me unload this BS from my head and heart.
Peace to you all.
Copabanana
Well-Known Member
TMT. What you see and experience of your son is the drugs and the lifestyle he has lived along with the drugs. But the thing is this: we become our choices.
You know this. As long as he continues to live a life fueled by drug use and informed by the associations and influences of this lifestyle, this will continue.
The incarceration could turn things around for him. But of course, he sees this inside out.
You know all of this but it is very hard to live it.
Right now until this jig is up I would try to look at it this way: your primary relationship here is to yourself, not him. To doing what you feel is right. Which has been to do what is in your power so that he might present himself on the designated day.
This is the mission you've committed to. But you are always free to rethink it. Remember that.
Some piece of this needs to come from him.
You cannot turn this around for him. He seems hell bent to thwart you. The important thing is to not be collateral damage. This you know. How much is enough?
What he does is on him. Not you. Please limit contact with him to what is absolutely necessary. If you have to pay for a weekly motel so be it.
We cannot control another adult's life, even to protect it. If there is one lesson on this forum it is that. (I seem unable to accept this, unfortunately.)
I agree with you about minimizing the stressors and expectations of Xmas and doing whatever makes you feel safe and secure and nourished. (By the way, your husband seems like a dream.)
One day at a time. Son will do what he does.
Your eyes are on the ball. The date.
But the question is this: does your focus need to change? Is your own life, the life in question?
Every single one of us here appreciates how hard this must be.
You know this. As long as he continues to live a life fueled by drug use and informed by the associations and influences of this lifestyle, this will continue.
The incarceration could turn things around for him. But of course, he sees this inside out.
You know all of this but it is very hard to live it.
Right now until this jig is up I would try to look at it this way: your primary relationship here is to yourself, not him. To doing what you feel is right. Which has been to do what is in your power so that he might present himself on the designated day.
This is the mission you've committed to. But you are always free to rethink it. Remember that.
Some piece of this needs to come from him.
You cannot turn this around for him. He seems hell bent to thwart you. The important thing is to not be collateral damage. This you know. How much is enough?
What he does is on him. Not you. Please limit contact with him to what is absolutely necessary. If you have to pay for a weekly motel so be it.
We cannot control another adult's life, even to protect it. If there is one lesson on this forum it is that. (I seem unable to accept this, unfortunately.)
I agree with you about minimizing the stressors and expectations of Xmas and doing whatever makes you feel safe and secure and nourished. (By the way, your husband seems like a dream.)
One day at a time. Son will do what he does.
Your eyes are on the ball. The date.
But the question is this: does your focus need to change? Is your own life, the life in question?
Every single one of us here appreciates how hard this must be.
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Tired out
Well-Known Member
TMT, This whole situation is awful I feel sad and a bit scared for you.
Maybe it is time for you to just stop worrying about him and what he does. If he does something to make this all worse it isn't on you. You have done your best. If you want to let him sleep in your home until sentencing that's up to you (obviously) But you really do need to stop telling him what to do, and quit asking what he is doing and where he's going. He is too old and messed up for you to ask. he only sees it as you being control freak. And really ask yourself, "is it any of your business?" you want it to be becasue you want to make it better and help BUT he doesn't want to listen. Again. You have done your best. Sink or swim, it is up to him , not you. You gave him the life raft, he let the air out. If he gets back on plane, stay out of it- so long. You are wasting your money. Buy a plane ticket for yourself to someplace nice NOT for that ungrateful addict.
My brat is only 21 ( I don't think he is using anything (pot was the only thing he ever got into and where he works does random drug tests) but when he texts and asks me for some thing (usually money, still living paycheck to paycheck) I don't ask questions anymore. I just say yes or no depending on what it is.
PLEASE start putting yourself and your hubby 1st.
Maybe it is time for you to just stop worrying about him and what he does. If he does something to make this all worse it isn't on you. You have done your best. If you want to let him sleep in your home until sentencing that's up to you (obviously) But you really do need to stop telling him what to do, and quit asking what he is doing and where he's going. He is too old and messed up for you to ask. he only sees it as you being control freak. And really ask yourself, "is it any of your business?" you want it to be becasue you want to make it better and help BUT he doesn't want to listen. Again. You have done your best. Sink or swim, it is up to him , not you. You gave him the life raft, he let the air out. If he gets back on plane, stay out of it- so long. You are wasting your money. Buy a plane ticket for yourself to someplace nice NOT for that ungrateful addict.
My brat is only 21 ( I don't think he is using anything (pot was the only thing he ever got into and where he works does random drug tests) but when he texts and asks me for some thing (usually money, still living paycheck to paycheck) I don't ask questions anymore. I just say yes or no depending on what it is.
PLEASE start putting yourself and your hubby 1st.
Elsi
Well-Known Member
I agree with the others here - it’s time to step out of his choices. He’ll make the date, or he won’t and there will be consequences. It they are HIS consequences, not yours. I’m so sorry he’s been putting you through all this. Please do what you need to do for yourself for this holiday.
Big hugs.
Big hugs.
Toomanytears
Active Member
Merry Christmas Eve to you all… Thank you for responding to me.
Quiet day here yesterday.
Woke up yesterday and decided to ask son in the late morning if he’d like to work on a project in the garage with me. He told me sisters boyfriend was in the garage also and that he was getting up and I could come down with them.
He finally got moving at 4pm.
I thought after the previous horrendous night we could actually make a happier memory… Just hopeful I guess.
Girlfriend has been texting my husband continuously to fly in and spend Christmas with us because she is alone. She then went on to explain that she asked for an advance on her paycheck and received it and she could make the flight on her own. The answer was still no.
Son showered, packed a backpack and was heading shopping with his sister. He took less items with him when he flew out this last time. I asked him if he was heading to girlfriend’s. He told me no. I also asked if girlfriend was flying in.. his look was priceless. No eye contact just a,” Why?” His Dad told him that she was not staying here so do not have her fly in... his response,”Ok.”
Out the door he went.
We are all so blessed and those blessings do not come without heartache.
Just for today, my hope is that all of us find peace, kindness, understanding and above all strength to carry on and make a difference in the lives we touch.
You have done this for me this year. I’m forever grateful. Merry Christmas friends. ((Hugs))
Quiet day here yesterday.
Woke up yesterday and decided to ask son in the late morning if he’d like to work on a project in the garage with me. He told me sisters boyfriend was in the garage also and that he was getting up and I could come down with them.
He finally got moving at 4pm.
I thought after the previous horrendous night we could actually make a happier memory… Just hopeful I guess.
Girlfriend has been texting my husband continuously to fly in and spend Christmas with us because she is alone. She then went on to explain that she asked for an advance on her paycheck and received it and she could make the flight on her own. The answer was still no.
Son showered, packed a backpack and was heading shopping with his sister. He took less items with him when he flew out this last time. I asked him if he was heading to girlfriend’s. He told me no. I also asked if girlfriend was flying in.. his look was priceless. No eye contact just a,” Why?” His Dad told him that she was not staying here so do not have her fly in... his response,”Ok.”
Out the door he went.
We are all so blessed and those blessings do not come without heartache.
Just for today, my hope is that all of us find peace, kindness, understanding and above all strength to carry on and make a difference in the lives we touch.
You have done this for me this year. I’m forever grateful. Merry Christmas friends. ((Hugs))
Copabanana
Well-Known Member
Tmt. You need to make a plan and be prepared for when she leaves. He could go with her. Also. You could rightfully decide he does not come back to your home.
