Xmas foot put down

[Nomad]

our Difficult Child daughter is coming to town for a few days for Xmas. Those who have been here awhile know this always results in turmoil. Always. Last year she screamed at me for several minutes because she couldn’t find toilet paper. And was VERY often grouchy . Two years ago she was freakin mean to my dog and I burst out crying. It’s akways something bizarre, disturbing, depressing and stressful.

Last few days via phone she seemed to be trying. But I’m on high alert.

We were texting and all was ok when out of the blue she was sarcastic to us.

We responded that we don’t like sarcasm. She has been told this before. We find it unkind and unhelpful.

Due to this, she can still join us for Xmas, still greatly participate...but will not be sleeping at our house. We have made her a hotel reservation.

She cried and carried on. It’s unfair. You are kicking me out of the family. I was trying. We told her she has been warned countless times. Due to my health concerns I’m going to bed early. At the end of the day we will take her or uber her to the nearby hotel and she is not to have anyone at the hotel.

She seems to have accepted this. We are a tad nervous we are in for a good day of craziness.meaning whooo is me. I hope not.

Any thoughts?

 

[BusynMember]

Nomad, you warned her. She knew. You did what was best for you and did NOT exclude her!

Get a good night's rest and always take care of your health first. You have taken on enough for Christmas.

Love and light!

 

[Tired out]

I think putting her up in a hotel is an excellent idea! If she didn't want to be so obstinate she would moralize she will enjoy the hotel , having her space. She isn't used to being around you, nor you around her so a break at the end of the day is a good idea. If things go warm and fuzzy and you want her to sleep at your house the next night you can play it by ear.
Fingers crossed and prayers said for you!

 

[Tanya M]

I think you are wise and very generous to get her a hotel room. You have set clear boundaries, you have let her know how you feel. Her comment about you kicking her out of the family just sounds like manipulation and misplaced blame.
The only thing I can add is to let her know that if she starts behaving in an unacceptable way that she will have to leave, that you will not allow her to spoil the day with her drama.

Wishing you a very peaceful day.

 

[Beta]

I think you've handled it extremely wisely. The hotel is a great idea. And I too think it would be a treat to be put up in a hotel at night, if she would only stop and see it that way. Take care of yourself. I hope your day is peaceful.

 

[Naina]

Nomad. I am so sorry you are dealing with this. I believe you have done the right thing by having her stay in a hotel. If or should I say when things go south, she will have a place to go.

Because of the many years of dealing with one of these children, it has made me really despise Christmas. The strain of dealing with them just sucks all the joy out of the holiday. I wish for you a peaceful Christmas.

 

[Nomad]

Knock on wood. Crossing myself. Shhhh. So far her behavior is MUCH better than usual. We will see what Xmas brings. Please say a little prayer. Omg.

 

[Jabberwockey]

Update please? Sorry, but my concern for you is that she got pissed at you and trashed the hotel room out of spite even if she acted ok while at your house.

 

[Nomad]

Believe me, I understand Jabber.

Husband is taking her to the train now.

BUT out of about a thirty year history with our daughter and Christmas this Has been the best one. I’m in shock. A good shock. It was so much better.

Someone here I believe last year suggested considering getting a hotel.

It worked out very well, even though we did it because she was rude/sarcastic.

And, naturally at first she was upset.

BUT, the hotel offers free breakfast and dinner. And Difficult Child likes to eat. This gave here a nice big breakfast every morning without us having to cater to her. We eat a light breakfast and sometimes skip breakfast. It was awesome!

One night I think she got in the free dinner too.

She was calmer, perhaps more rested, liked talking to folks at the hotel.

She stayed at the house during the day and the hotel at night for sleep.

It has the potential for other problems. Knock on wood , that / those didn’t seem to happen.

Oddly , we had an unprecedented knock down dragged out argumenT with our SON on Christmas Eve. A complete reversal.

Maybe we will cruise next year for much of the holiday time.

But... it is nice to report that with our d. C. Daughter...this basically broke a THIRTY year pattern. Omg omg omg
Very very pleased. Thirty years is a freakin long time.

 

[Elsi]

What’s great solution, Nomad! I’m glad it worked out.

Sorry about the conflict with son, though. It’s always something, isn’t it? I guess that’s the human condition.

 

[Tired out]

I am SO glad it went well with your daughter and she headed home without a hitch!
Too bad about son. But it does always have to be something!

 

[Copabanana]

Nomad. I am so happy for daughter, too. You gave her the support and structure she needed to handle stress, which it seems was much reduced for her too. That was a real gift to her. She wants to succeed!

 

[RN0441]

Nomad

It all sounds good.

At some point we have to just say we raised our kids and we have to put ourselves first!!

Agree - next year get away for the holidays!! Do it.

 

[TerryJ2]

Nomad, so sorry I am late to this. I love the idea of a hotel room. I am so glad that it went well! Bravo!
And I am so sorry about the argument with your son. You're right--a cruise sounds great for next year!