My granddaughter has been getting physical therapy in our home for her developmental delays for a couple of months now. Shes almost 13 months old, but still cant roll over or crawl, let alone pull herself to her knees or feet. Shes been making good progress, though. She sits on her butt and uses her feet to scoot herself around. Shes happy and smiles and laughs often, a far cry from the incredibly fussy and unhappy baby she was for the first 9 months of her life.
Last week, Youngest cancelled a therapy appointment because she was out of town visiting her new boyfriend. The therapist left a voice mail on our home phone, with several time slots she had open later in the week. I let Youngest know the voice mail was there, I saved it. She assured me shed call back. She later told me she did call back, and left a message. She said the woman didnt call her back again. Then Sunday, when I ask if she ever tried calling again or heard anything, she tells me the therapist is coming Monday (yesterday).
Soo yesterday around noon Youngest calls me at work about something. I mention that I was surprised to hear from her, I though the therapist would still be at the house. She hesitates and said oh, she already came. I ask how it went, and she says fine. Hmmm. When I get home that evening, I ask again how it went, and ask what they worked on. She gives me some vague answer about Ella still not being able to get on her knees. Then I look around for the sheet of paper that the therapist always leaves, with notes on progress and things to work on until the next appointment. No paper. I ask Youngest again, and get another vague answer. I tell her I know shes lying. She tells me its none of my business, and that besides, she read some internet forums where other moms with babies with the exact same problems, and they caught up fine eventually, with no therapy at all.
I blew. I told her it was my business, because this was my granddaughter, and she was living in my home. I told her not to screw up this FREE therapy by missing appointments and not rescheduling, they may kick her out of the program. I told her she was neglecting her child as far as I was concerned.. how could you not do what experts recommended for your child?! They told her Ella is 3-4 months behind in development. They wouldnt have ordered weekly therapy if it wasnt necessary.
Youngest is just plain lazy, and distracted. She's 23 with the mindset of a 16 year old. Shes been too busy texting with this new boyfriend to be bothered with things like appointments for her children. Aidan is overdue for his immunizations, and needs a dentist appointment. I dont understand how shes missing that mama bear gene that we all have .. to do whatever you can to protect and take care of your children. How do you know your child is so far behind developmentally, and even cry to me about it (she sees pictures of friends children the same age, standing or walking, and gets upset and embarrassed that Ella cant do that yet), , and then NOT follow through with physical therapy to help her?! She doesnt ever do the exercises that the therapist leaves for her to do oh she tells me that she does then when Im not home, but Ive never seen her do them on weekends. My gut tells me shes lying, she does nothing between appointments. Again, lazy. She can't be bothered, in my opinion.
I told her that getting Ella therapy is a condition of her living there, and of using the car. She called this morning, and has an appointment tomorrow afternoon. So, it worked, for now. I hate that I have to treat her like a teenager, though, tying things like driving privileges to things that should be normal parenting skills and duties. I dont get the lack of concern about it all. I swear if I hadnt said anything, shed have just let the therapy go altogether, which is pretty frightening. And then I think, what happens when she moves back out and there are no consequences to such choices, other than her kids' suffering?
No answers, just a vent. Walking this fine line of detaching when it comes to the welfare of my grandchildren, is a tough one. I can't and wont' take over the parenting, but while they're in my house, I'll do what I can to set ground rules to protect them.
Last week, Youngest cancelled a therapy appointment because she was out of town visiting her new boyfriend. The therapist left a voice mail on our home phone, with several time slots she had open later in the week. I let Youngest know the voice mail was there, I saved it. She assured me shed call back. She later told me she did call back, and left a message. She said the woman didnt call her back again. Then Sunday, when I ask if she ever tried calling again or heard anything, she tells me the therapist is coming Monday (yesterday).
Soo yesterday around noon Youngest calls me at work about something. I mention that I was surprised to hear from her, I though the therapist would still be at the house. She hesitates and said oh, she already came. I ask how it went, and she says fine. Hmmm. When I get home that evening, I ask again how it went, and ask what they worked on. She gives me some vague answer about Ella still not being able to get on her knees. Then I look around for the sheet of paper that the therapist always leaves, with notes on progress and things to work on until the next appointment. No paper. I ask Youngest again, and get another vague answer. I tell her I know shes lying. She tells me its none of my business, and that besides, she read some internet forums where other moms with babies with the exact same problems, and they caught up fine eventually, with no therapy at all.
I blew. I told her it was my business, because this was my granddaughter, and she was living in my home. I told her not to screw up this FREE therapy by missing appointments and not rescheduling, they may kick her out of the program. I told her she was neglecting her child as far as I was concerned.. how could you not do what experts recommended for your child?! They told her Ella is 3-4 months behind in development. They wouldnt have ordered weekly therapy if it wasnt necessary.
Youngest is just plain lazy, and distracted. She's 23 with the mindset of a 16 year old. Shes been too busy texting with this new boyfriend to be bothered with things like appointments for her children. Aidan is overdue for his immunizations, and needs a dentist appointment. I dont understand how shes missing that mama bear gene that we all have .. to do whatever you can to protect and take care of your children. How do you know your child is so far behind developmentally, and even cry to me about it (she sees pictures of friends children the same age, standing or walking, and gets upset and embarrassed that Ella cant do that yet), , and then NOT follow through with physical therapy to help her?! She doesnt ever do the exercises that the therapist leaves for her to do oh she tells me that she does then when Im not home, but Ive never seen her do them on weekends. My gut tells me shes lying, she does nothing between appointments. Again, lazy. She can't be bothered, in my opinion.
I told her that getting Ella therapy is a condition of her living there, and of using the car. She called this morning, and has an appointment tomorrow afternoon. So, it worked, for now. I hate that I have to treat her like a teenager, though, tying things like driving privileges to things that should be normal parenting skills and duties. I dont get the lack of concern about it all. I swear if I hadnt said anything, shed have just let the therapy go altogether, which is pretty frightening. And then I think, what happens when she moves back out and there are no consequences to such choices, other than her kids' suffering?
No answers, just a vent. Walking this fine line of detaching when it comes to the welfare of my grandchildren, is a tough one. I can't and wont' take over the parenting, but while they're in my house, I'll do what I can to set ground rules to protect them.