1st time posting here

witzend

Well-Known Member
Wow - just wow... Obviously there is something more than meets the eye to this situation. Here's a point by point what I would do to mend things.

husband needs to talk with her as an intermediary and adviser.

It's November. Midterm grades probably just came out. I assume she's in college? He needs to see her grades right now and she needs to talk to her profs about re-taking any tests that she doesn't like the outcome of, and doing any makeup work or late work that is due to get her grades up if she gets this upset about it. She needs to realize that when she is failing to meet a goal that she has set for herself that she needs to either remedy the situation or lower her expectations of her self. She does not now nor will she ever be allowed to act out by throwing things because she is disappointed in herself. He needs to help her decide what is realistic, and what is "C" basket stuff.

husband needs to assure her that not only will she be asked to move if she ever throws anything in anger (remotes included) again, if she strikes you, she will be escorted out by the police and her things will be packed for her to pick up when she is released. You will not bail her out.

"Sorry" text is a start - almost. She (probably is) and should be horrified by what she did to you. husband needs to explain to her that you are off limits until she has absolutely considered her actions and made a sincere apology to you for harming you with no excuses, and sincere efforts to get to and fix the root of the problem. No rides, no fast food, no "wash my clothes", no nothing. You not only could have called the police, I'm thinking that you probably should have gone to the doctor to make sure that your nose is not broken, and she should be aware that a doctor is a mandatory abuse reporter and you wouldn't even have to file a report if she harms you again. The doctor will file a police report whether you want him to or not, and then she can say "goodbye" to something as insignificant as an A on an Algebra test ever mattering again for her.

You owe her nothing in this. If you feel that there is something that you can do to help or get things back on track after she has started to make things right, then by all means you should. But what she did was way beyond the pale of a temper tantrum. Was she aiming at your nose? Probably not. Was she throwing something at you and at the very least attempting to upset and/or scare you because of something that has only to do with her. Absolutely. She needs to make this right.
 

katya02

Solace
Beautifully said, witzend. I will add ... please go to the ER after any such incident. While all doctors are required to report abuse, ERs are very aware of the CMS requirement to ask about domestic abuse or any fear of violence at home. They ask even if you come in for a sore throat or a rash. If you come in with a broken nose the questions will be front and center and it's out of your hands, so to speak. They will ask if you'd like to speak with crisis services or the police, and please - take them up on it. This was an episode of domestic violence. I hope your husband can get that across to your easy child/difficult child.

Also ... please don't let this go because easy child/difficult child's mood seems to be on an upswing. It's so easy to do, I know - but letting it go doesn't help anything down the road.
 
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